Thursday, March 30, 2006

out of my mind...back in 5 mins

now this slogan i found on a decal yesterday and i bought it for my car   i immediately laughed hilariously and thought of my illness   feeling insane at times like yesterday made this decal perfect for me   i text this slogan to Cindy and it drove her crazy   so i'll use this to share insanity with    what an adventure it is    i've been feeling really confused the past couple days   the Course of Miracles class is stirring up confusion for me   the feeling is the confusion created from my psychosis and i don't like that feeling   i was even contemplating dropping the class until i talked with M yesterday    everything she said made sooo much sense   we will never know it all when it comes to spirituality she says (or somethng like it)   it's ok to be confused  i had much confusion once out of psychosis especially concerning spirituality   this Course is stirring it up   so after simple thinking of what M had to say, i decided to accept my confused self   that this is simply part of life and part of who i am now   maybe one day the confusion will clear up   but for now it is here   i accept it   i love it   i am it   i cannot put into words the feeling of this confusion, i just call it insanity   with all my spiritual learning both traditional and new age, new thought, metaphysical, my confusion and my illness makes me realize how much truly my illness is a gift   again words fall short in conveying what's inside of me   but hey, we only live life once and i'm not going to get bogged down with this   i even decided i am an Enigma and went and had a license plate made with this word   put it on the front of my car    i am unexplainable  maybe life is really unexplainable after all too   now is the time for Joy, much of it and that's what i'm going to do...i even bought another camera yesterday   a Nikon N75 film camera    i went to buy a bag and inquired about the N80  i learned Nikon has discontinued all film camera so i swiped up what was available   i needed to upgrade my film camera   i'm still a traditionalist when it comes to cameras   much rather have film  but now i have digital too    and i get to use them this weekend on a road trip   Cindy and I are going south   headed to Carlsbad Caverns and White Sands Nat'l Parks    we both are overdue for getting out of Dodge   can't remember the last time i took a trip except maybe a year ago this time   i'm looking forward to it mucho   while there, Jimmy will be at the kennel getting groomed   i've never thought of getting him groomed until recently   inquirying about this kennel they asked if i'd like him groomed   i said most definitely!   so we'll all have a great weekend   leaving saturday and coming back monday   i probably should take some shorts for it's definitely warmer down south    anyways   i can hardly wait!...

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