Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Sunday, November 27, 2005
Friday, November 25, 2005
well today i became restless granted i need a vacation, but quite frankly i'm a little bored i began the day feeling mucho stress but finally walked that off at work i didn't finish my day til 7:30pm tonite along with some of my co-workers who worked 12hrs today i don't feel tired not hungry and all i've had to eat today is a pb&j sandwich with some cookies i have chicken to fix tonite, but it's too late to be cookin so i'm having a glass of chocolate milk don't know why i'm round up, but i am it's time for a movie or some shopping or something other than work, home and class just a feelin of bored with life at the moment anyone else get that way? it's been awhile since i've felt that and if i'm bored now while working, what will happen when i do get to retire? sometimes i think about withdrawing my retirement package but i donn't think that's a good idea i'm anxious to do something new what that will be has yet to be revealed to me like M said the other nite at dinner, so much of my identity is wrapped up in the p.o. and my customers i'm beginning to feel some of the transition, but jiminy cricket i must be feeling pretty damn good because this restlessness is my natural drive in life time to set some more goals and go after them i'll contemplate on it tonite and see what i come up with i've been driven for sooo long in life that i don't know what to do with myself when idling as i have somewhat this year while figuring out my blues and its affects on me anyways, I'M BORED!!!!!
(yes i am headed into spiritual counseling or ministry, but that's down the road when i retire need some excitement now!~)
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Today is a day of giving Thanks....i am grateful for the following in my life:
I am grateful for God always present in my life
I give thanks for my dogs, my best companions in life thus far and their ever continuing unconditional love and play
I give thanks for Nature and it's forever presence reminding me of the abundance of God's Love
I give thanks for the abundance of family of friends here in abq, across the states, and here in j-land who always support me with love and encouragement, laughter and tears, good times and bad times shared, moments chatting over coffee and words of wisdom
I give thanks for the First Church of Religious Science, my church, for it's presence in my life for their New Thought thinking for their warmth, support and friendship
I give thanks for Rev Jennie in my life one wonderful woman, experienced and wise in her Spiritual understanding as well as her support and love she gives to me I value our friendship and her being my mentor tremendously
I give thanks to M for simply being a friend and more so for being the beautiful, wonderful woman she is her presence has allowed me to grow and learn more of myself her 'square'ness is a breath of fresh air in a world of people with no morals and standards that i have encountered in my lifetime
I give thanks for my job, yes my job i do love my job and being there it's just my struggles with my blues that make it difficult
I give thanks, last but not least, to my family although spread across the states and not that close, I do love them and appreciate them in my life ....
God Bless the world today Bless those in need and those in abundance God Bless everyone May we find peace and our paths meet to a higher calling
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
today Tjnya was asking if i had checked on the status of my retirement i said no and would call later tonite i come home to my mailbox with a letter from the individual handling my retirement package she sent another form to be completed before forwarding it to headquarters, or wherever it goes so i'd say this thing has been pushed back at least 2 more months if not longer that's the p.o. for ya and their getting worse Tjnya was more upset than me about this matter i opened the letter and laughed simply because this doesn't surprise me so who knows when i'll be retired i was hoping for a vacation soon, but....anyways, now i'll just focus on selling my house, get thru the holidays, and prepare for a vacation in january/february sometime another day at the p.o. and another day of more bull@#$!......
well i'm not allowing this to ruin my day or holiday manana just another day in the life at the p.o. Life goes on...
HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!!
Sunday, November 20, 2005
Saturday, November 19, 2005
Friday, November 18, 2005
friday eve and i'm all round up all i want to do is chill my realtor ticked me off this evening and i can't seem to relax she keeps being toooo picky and postponing the listing date she's driving me Nuts!....so here i sit, watchin Stargate SG-1 i finally remembered it's on friday nite i love sci-fi, well some of it i'm drinking coffee wondering if i should have a second cup to keep me awake i'm debating whether to clean house tonite (for the realtor) or just wait til manana usually after my 10mile hike delivering mail all day, i don't have the energy to do anything but sit the weight of the mail is tons heavier too this time of year the wind is cold and draining so sittin my butt down is the best re-energizer for me after a day's work but i sure could work some anger off by cleaning maybe i'll do a tidbit save the rest for the morn and then head to work bahhumbug!......
well today has been pretty good, until my realtor called...anyways, the weather is still warm here during the day in the mid 50s a nice warm sun and with a cold wind, but nice nevertheless ...and today i talked with a woman on my route who rents a few apartments she has a one bedroom right price a little yard, but big enough for my kids, However, she's done all this nice landscaping IF i were to rent it, my kids must become inside dogs-which will be easy either that or give up Jimmy i came home and took one look at him and said NO!! No way in hell will i give up my Jimmy I love him as much as Charlie and that's enough love to fill this world Jimmy is my shadow everywhere i go, there is my Jimmy at my heel he's just a big ol' lap dog too he's as big as i am, 5'4", when he stands up No more giving up any of my kids NO MATTER WHAT! so IF i take that apartment, should she allow me to rent it, we'd have to work something out so that i keep both of them more than likely, i'll find a house to rent this will assure me of my kids' happiness...we'll see what happens i have plenty time to still find a place ....this weekend i need to relax so Cindy and i are headed to see the latest Potter movie and soon as my Bible Wisdom class is over, my nose will be glued to Potter's 5th book....time for some fun this weekend....
p.s. one more thing....some postal customers of mine, George and Vicky, invited me to dinner tonite it was a pleasant evening with them and their granddaughter...
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Friday, November 11, 2005
good morning all....i woke to some good news i think i have found some places to rent where i can keep Charlie i spoke to a rental agency this morn and she said there shouldn't be too much of a problem yesterday i called all the apartment complexes about dog restrictions they all had breed restrictions and pitt bulls was on that list by the end of the day i felt defeated i felt there was no hope for Charlie so after talking with this rental agency this morn, there is new hope even light at the end of the tunnel i've been soooo worried about Charlie i didn't want someone to have him and end up treating him maliciously i also didn't want them to lose him (since he's a jumper) only to end up in the pound i realized last nite thru a conversation with a friend that i am very protective of Charlie he's the only dog to give me more heartache and headache but he is worth all of that simply for being his Charlie self he's a handfull and i was afraid no one else could really handle him my mr. social butterfly one who still behaves as if he's a puppy although he's 5yrs old now my Christmas present 4yrs ago and he's a handsome devil too...so my day is off to a good start here's hoping the remainder of the day continues to be good...
Wednesday, November 9, 2005
Tuesday, November 8, 2005
Monday, November 7, 2005
Sunday, November 6, 2005
it's cold outside ok maybe a little nippy but not really cold cold i had to run to Walmart for some coffee filters had to create my own this morn for coffee so i headed for filters and some more wood pellets only to find they had closed the garden section at 8pm i was a half hour late i have enough pellets for part of the nite and will pick up some more manana anyways, i was craving chocolate have been for a few days now blue about being blue and can't seem to get over that hump at the moment so i decide on Baskin Robbins Hot Fudge sundae with Jamoca Almond Fudge ice cream double the fudge hmmmm hmmmm goood!...so while i'm out and about, i begin thinking about M again now awhile ago i wrote an entry on the love of my life, but deleted it it was about M briefly she is a friend in my Bible Wisdom class she was in my Foundations Class as well this last spring well back in september, i suddenly found myself attracted to her (it snuck upon me i wasn't lookin for anyone) wonderful woman anyways, i think she's straight (heterosexual) as all get out, therefore i wouldn't ask her out on a date (respect for her own sexuality) anyways, she winks at me everytime i come to class i've been figuring she's just saying hello well Tjnya today implied again that maybe there's more to it that just that granted M doesn't wink at anyone else in the class, but who knows maybe this is the way she greets her friends? i don't know i've been flustered for 2months over her and finally let it be that she's just a good friend...until Tjnya's chat today...well i still desire to let it be and if i should discover anything else along the way, then i'll say something so what do you think j-landers? should i ask M about the winking? let it be? ask her about her sexuality? let it be as friends? whatever will be will be i love her friendship and if that's all there is to it, that's ok by me we'll see in time in a couple nites i'll see M for the first time in 2weeks at class first time since letting it be as friends as well i'll see how i react to her and her winking....
well, today, was basically another lazy day i took yesterday off as well again blue about being blue damn blues! anyways, i was suppose to clean today Pat my realtor came by, but she isn't listing the house til friday she'd rather get some more repairs done before listing so i have tuesday off and can clean then i have done some laundry and picked up my bedroom after Pat's visit for couple hours, i took a nap then i watched a couple real life crime shows really intense made me question whether to still continue my criminal justice degree i've been thinking of studying metaphysics instead anyways i would like to be able to utilize my degree in some way once completed having my illness i'm very doubtful i'll be able to be employed anywhere in the criminal justice fields with a metaphysics or new thought something or other degree i can personally grow from it as well as use it at church i'd like to be a Practioner there (sorta like spiritual counseling) these thoughts have been on my mind this past week especially thinking of my retirement and what will I do once retired? what will my illness allow me to do? unfortunately it dictates my life often it's a PAIN IN THE ASS! i'm still processing this rollercoaster ride i'm on i even recognized that whoever the love of my life will be, she must be pretty damn special to be able to handle me and my illness it gets really ROUGH at times it's enough for me to deal with let alone having a lover to go through it with me she must be very strong, not panic, and be supportive but having a lover will be gravy i'm ok living alone and being alone, but still prefer a partner in my life so i'll just see what life holds for me in that department i'll always at least have one dog my kids now fullfill my life completely with their unconditional love they are a woman's best friend!
for now, i trek on.....dying to be retired...ready for another life....God will show me the way all in time....God Bless you all for your support and friendship:-)!