Monday, July 31, 2006

This Thing Called You

                            There is one Power, one Presence and one Life.
                            The living Spirit is right where I am, within,
                            around and through me.
                            I am in Spirit.
                            Spirit is in me.
                            Spirit knows in me.
                            Spirit sees through me, thinks in my mind,
                            acts through my act.
                            This well-spring of Life, flowing up through 
                            me, knows no obstruction, no congestion,
                            no imperfection.
                            There is a pattern of perfection at the center
                            of my being, a divine and heavenly pattern
                            of wholeness.
                            Every organ, action and function of my being
                            is spiritual.
                            The Spirit is perfect in every part of my being.
                            I live in peace, in joy, and in perfect life.  -by Ernest Holmes

     "The wick of your individual life runs deep into the oil of pure Being.  There is but One Life and that Life is your life now.  No matter what confusion appears at the surface of your life, there is always a place of calm at the center of your being.  No matter how turbulent the waves may be on the ocean of your experience, beneath there is a changless peace.  Your being is submerged but not lost in the Infinite."

these two are quoted from a book i had long read   the title is the heading of this entry   last week i prayed for clarity and surely did it come to me   wondering of my hatred for self and my confusion   all the answers arrived quietly at my door step one at a time one day at a time   tonite i stumbled across this book again   i needed these thoughts more than i realized and they comfort me    i finally understand my confusion   i now can truly take hold of my life and thoughts and self and live   it truly is my life now   i won't let go of it again!                                        

Friday, July 28, 2006

it's friday!

...and only a few more days and it's payday:-)   wow!   i headed for the mountains today on my bike in hopes it wasn't raining up there, but i hadn't even got on the other side before rain drops splattered all over my goggles   so i headed back to town, cloudy but not with rain    wanting to sit in nature and feel the wind on my face i headed to a park i long had been    got there, no rain   but there were those doggone pesty flies all over the place buzzin in my ear   and those nats too   are those what they are called lil flies about the size of a pinhead?    anyways, i was too busy shooing away these pests to really sit and relax, so i came home    there's no place like home   at least i can sit here on my back porch, except the chair is wet, the cushions that is  i guess i need to buy a bench that's just wood   then i can sit anytime   anyways, it's a beautiful day   think it was only to get a high of 75 which is a great drop from the 90s   clouds scattered across the city, but the sun still shines    maybe i'll just go ride my bike sum more   that's definitely wind in my face!

Tuesday, July 25, 2006


finally,  i got out and took a pic of a sunset just outside my door    sumthin to view for a moment    i'll keep photographing sunsets and hopefully catch a great one for you:-)

Monday, July 24, 2006

roller coaster ride

alas, i finally set out to do what i've been desiring, yet didn't have the courage til today    i rode up  the backside of the mountains -almost to the peak    the peak was the destination, but it was foiled by an accident   sum truck had tipped over and dumped a bunch of sumthin on the road   both directions block and i wasn't willing to hang around for a half hour or more so it could clear    i was almost to the top too    being as the road snakes ALL the way up & down   i knew i had a challenge on my hands   this wood be the first on this road with my bike   one must know how to do turns and curves to do this    i was pleased as i was progressing up the mountainside   just as i knew i was goin to make it to the top, the road blockage appeared    after inquiring and decidin to return back down, i saddled the bike and down i came   i thought goin up was adventerous   goin down was even more so   it was like goin down on a roller coaster ride with all the turns you can imagine   fortunately this was only on the top half of the mountain for the descent declined in steepage   it was a lil easier than when i started the descent    but what a blast   i was so proud of myself for finally makin the trek    i will return soon and make this a practice ride for them curves...

Saturday, July 22, 2006

tis saturday evening and the rain is fallin again   it's so refreshin   and with all this rain of late, tomorrow i shall see if the the trails are open for hikin again   regardless i'll get a hike in sumtime tomorrow   it's been awhile for i've vegged at home for the heat has been too much for anybody to be in, lo i worked in it for so long   yet since i don't have to be in it alas i won't   it's been too hot to even ride my bike which i dearly love  ...for now i'm still readin the Lord of the Rings, the Fellowship of the Ring   i only have a few chapters left and i just passed the dungeon's of Moria woes   Gandalf is lost to the Company and now i'm anxious to get into the next book    maybe i'll pop the movie in again to feed my hunger   but how does one read when you have puppy playin all over you all the time    there is no place to hide from her   she insists on being by my side   even this moment she's insisting on playin ball   i tell her to play with Jimmy, but he too grows tire of her as well   if it remains cool, i'm takin her to the park and unleash her energy   then i may get some rest for a moment   5months more, then she'll settle down  2, the ever age of adulthood for dogs....not really complainin  for i woke just the other morn and realized i have a new buddy now    if she isn't gnawing on my hands everyday then life wood not be the same   guess she's here to stay!

one final note,  today i received in the mail a note from M giving gratitude about her vase i bought for her birthday   she absolutely loves it   why a vase?   she loves to arrange flowers and does so often   the vase is also her favorite color-purple   it is sooo her!    i am really pleased she loves it....o yes, i did finally tell her that i still have a crush on her   she's all ok with it...:-)!


Friday, July 21, 2006

Old Blue Chair

There's a blue rocking chair
Sitting in the sand
Weathered by the storms and well oiled hands
It sways back and forth
With the help of the winds
It seems to always be there, like an old trusted friend

I've read a lot of books, wrote a few songs
Looked at my life - where it's goin, where it's gone
I've seen the world through a bus windshield
But nothing compares to the way that I see it
To the way that I see it, to the way that I see it
When I sit in that old blue chair

From that chair I've cought a few fish and some rays
And I've watched boats sail in and out of cinnamon bay
I let go of a lover that took a piece of my heart
Prayed many times for forgiveness and a brand new start

I've read a lot of books, wrote a few songs
Looked at my life - where it's goin, where it's gone
I've seen the world through a bus windshield
But nothing compares to the way that I see it
To the way that I see it, to the way that I see it
When I sit in that old blue chair

That chair was my bed one New Year's night
When I passed out from too much Malibu and diet
And I woke up to a hundred mosquito bites
I swear, got em all sitting right there
In that old blue chair

There's a blue rocking chair
Sitting in the sand
Weathered by the storms and well oiled hands
-by Kenny Chesney

think my old brown couch lately, i see things differently   ....i luv this song!

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

x-men 3

kewl movie!   as good as the first two   sum interestin insights too!    kewl stuff....

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

the thunder rolls...

but will we get rain?    clouds cover, thunder rolls, but will it rain    we're all prayin it will...

yes it came this evening  lightning struck and cracked the skies  and lightning struck again as a friend came by and ended our friendship   i didn't think she'd go to this length  my apology fell on deaf ears   she didn't want to talk   so the storms have passed and life has changed   there is purposeful good in all things...

Monday, July 17, 2006

too hot!

it's hotter than hell here again, but that's par for the course during our summers   since i haven't been workin in it, i wonder how i survived when i did-tons of fluids is the answer   but i took another bike ride today, short, very short    even the wind or air if you wood blowin in my face was hot   so after a brief stint, i hopped into Starbucks for a Caramel Frappucino   it quickly cooled me down   much needed   then i headed straight home    but before the day got started really, Steph called    it was good to hear from her again   provided she calls within the next couple days, i'll see her    it's been 6months since the last time i saw her    and my emotions have been all over the place today   for after i hung up from her i was all heartbroken for about a minute  (she's an ex of mine)   anyways, i'm hangin in there   my emotions will be back to normal manana   so i'm just chillin in front the tv lettin it entertain me and my emotions    good distraction....hurry up August   it'll start coolin down...

Saturday, July 15, 2006


Swapping compliments at the pump,

Sharing stories on a saturday afternoon,

Pack your saddle bags,

Riding on your terms,

to a place where distance

is measured in gas stations,

and time is kept in sunsets.

like it?   it's my latest Harley shirt    out wearin it today on my bike   first in a couple weeks that i've been ridin'    sprung an oil leak and hadn't been able to check it out with Brian @ the shop til today   he says i need to hose down the bike really good to discover the true origin of the leak    it's probably a gasket, but hose it down first    in the meantime, all i need to do is keep it oiled    will fix this in a couple weeks when i get paid again   while ridin today i was wonderin why the hell i haven't    part because of the oil leak, not knowin the problem   part because i've been jjust chillin here at home   there's no place like today i cruised over and saw Girlfriend (Sharon-back from iraq)   she looks good   been back on the job only a couple weeks now  i did talk to her on the phone last month, but today was the first in seein her in months   just before Christmas i believe    she also told me Danny got out of the Marine Reserves   they were all ready to send him to more training and send him back to iraq again   he said adios   God he just got home to see his twins   and Sharon says the twins look just like him  his older daughter looks like her mother with blonde hair and all  the twins have the dark hair and skin  (Danny's hispanic)   anyways, it was good to hear he's stayin home   in the meantime, i'm goin to look up Danny and Sharon for dinner or lunch soon   i've seen both at work for a few moments, but not enough time to really talk    Sharon has a lil over a year on her Guard contract and she's finish with the probability of her returnin to iraq slim   all good news to hear....

anyways, i'm back home chillin'   it's so hot outside that when i came in my adobe bode it didn't feel like the ac was on   i don't have it on very high and boy was i heated    but the ride was still good!

Friday, July 14, 2006

pirates!...and more pirates!

i finally saw this movie today!   i've been waiting to see it with a friend, but since she's not talkin to me right now i waited no more   maybe she's bein a pirate   whatever, doesn't matter    the movie was great    yet those endings as such drive me crazy   now ya gotta wait til the next Pirates!   ahoy mates   make it soon!.....Johnny Depp was good as ever   another gorgeous man!    now it's either me just sitting in the back of the theatre, or there wasn't much laughter from others   all i could hear was me laughin   well, guess they missed the humor...until the ship sails again----AHOY!

Thursday, July 13, 2006

all quiet on the home front

thursday morn    well actually it's about noon time   my baby, Boo, is finally settling into a nap   every since i returned from my trip she's been all play all the time except when she finally takes that nap about noon time   i had even called Tjnya and told her i was shippin her overnite express   i was ready for a break   it's been a very long time since having a puppy and Boo is doin just that   i woodn't give her up for the world tho   i'm just waitin for the weather to cool again before takin her and Jimmy for hikes and walks   it's back in the high 90's way too hot for my doggies  not sure if it's their black coats that gets them hot quickly, or just their nature in general but even at 75 degrees they seem to heat up quickly....

anyways, it is nice and quiet this morn   i just opened an account on MySpace because Kyle called me yesterday and informed me of his account    this way he and i can communicate online while he's overseas    he's doin good   once he turns E-4 he wants to go into Special Forces    i'm hopin he stays more than his 3yr enlistment   he has such good potential and i hope he finds it    he really is a good kid   sounds like he's maturing some already, partying and beaching less and less   i know he can go a long way...sometimes i wish he was here, but he needed to go into the Army to grow up some more    i didn't have much patience nor money to teach him what he needed to do   anyways, all is good   i'm proud of him

in the meantime, back here on my ranch (actually my adobe bode apartment), life is good with me    i finally saw my massage therapist yesterday    she worked on my arm that's been hurting since my trip   she's such a great massage therapist   she really gets into those pressure points and i always feel sooo much better after seeing her    tonite i'm taking her to a 'Topes baseball game   she was estatic when i suggested it    her hubby, also a massage therapist, is out of town at the moment    they both are great people   i met them on my postal route.....besides that, i've been chillin'   truly chillin'   for a month i've watch sports day in day out veggin in front of the groove tube   i haven't ever done that before   first time for everything i suppose    anyways it was good for me   after my trip back east, i needed some down time    i love my famiily to death, but it can be difficult for me sometimes    anyways, i'm up & about again now   gettin ready for a hike despite the 96 degree weather  (i always take water)   goin to make hikin a daily ritual almsot   today is the beginning    i had passed on takin another class at church just so i can get some relaxin time in for the summer    i'm readin my books, takin in the ball games, hikin and relaxin with friends    i figure after workin 20yrs at the p.o., i deserve it! :-)

now let the song begin!  let us sing together

of sun, stars, moon and mist, rain and cloudy weather,

light on the budding leaf, dew o nthe feather,

wind on the open hill, bells on the heather

reeds by the shady pool, lilies on the water;

old tom bombadil and the river-daughter!

-from The Lord of the Rings: the Fellowship of the Ring

Friday, July 7, 2006

music 2 my ears

well sorta....last week i thought i jammed my thumb   a week later and it's still hurting like heck   so i trot myself off to the doc only for them to tell me it's tendonitis   feels more than tendonitis to me   anyways, she says to lay off the guitar for a month   Oi!   i'm ready to learn a song on my next lesson and now she tells me to hold off    well i'm goin 2 ice this thing every day for at least a week, maybe two   hopefully i'll be back to the guitar before a month rolls around    the doc says it comes from all the repetitive work at the p.o. sorting mail all day    why does this not surprise me   probably explains my shoulder and arm that's been hurtin since the beginning of my trip back east    asap i'm back at a gym ready to rebuild my agin' body   Oi!

p.s.   we've gotten some rain for quite a few days now,   hopefully they'll open those hiking trails again soon    i'm prayin for it anyways...

Wednesday, July 5, 2006

must read!

Immaculee Ilibagiza with Steve Erwin, Left to Tell    just finished readin this book   Immensely moving   gut wrenching, heart breaking, and very inspirational book    this is the story of Immaculle Ilibagiza and her survival thru the Rwanda genocide back in 1994    words cannot express the courage, the bravery and the will this woman demonstrated during these times    i'm still in awe of the story and her    if you need a reminder how blessed we are here in the USA, read this story    read it anyways   can't say enough about this book.....just do it!

now for the rest of the news of my life    nada mas happening   today i had more of my back tattoo worked on  again    i still lasted only two hours but we got more done this time thanks to topicaine gel    it numbed me up a little at least and i could stand the pain better   i can hardly wait til it's all done   anyways, after that i called a VA nurse   my thumb i jammed last week is still hurting & a tidbit swollen   so the VA will look at it on friday   i pray it isn't broken for i'm just getting back to my guitar lessons   just couldn't pick up that guitar after my visit back east   i needed some down time badly and that's all i've been doin   this past week my spirit is back up again and life is good    i even went shoppin buying me a nice Holister shirt on sale, then buyin M a birthday present   sumtime this month is her b-day    so when she returns from Alaska it'll be a welcome home/b-day present   i hope she likes it which i'm sure she will-it's purple her favorite color the meantime, now that i have no obligations during the day manana, i can get my abode cleaned and laundry done   when i win that darn lottery i'm getting maid service and a chef!

Monday, July 3, 2006

red rag top...

... I can't remember who I was, back then  Well you do what you do and you pay for your sins   And there's no such thing as what mightve  Been, that's a waste of time, drive you outta your mind...

was out at the park watchin the game with my ex from a decade ago   it was a wonderful nite at the old ballpark, fireworks at the end   but after all these years we are still friends and it was good to see her no matter back when   it was good to see her since about 2yrs now   although we have spoken on the phone we just hadn't gotten around to meetin up til now   all is well with her and her family   she's a major family woman  always has been, always will    but the words forementioned from Tim McGraw's song reflect myself over a decade ago    i have no regrets   i was young and dumb and lots to learn about myself   and i don't wonder what mightve been   it is a waste of time   there's no lookin back   it is what it is, friendship    we both talked about not desiring a relationship now with anyone   i just laughed    funny how life takes its own course at times    i'm wondering where my journey lies ahead    sail my ship until no end.....