Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Billie Jean King

     remember this legend?   i won't ever forget her    she was my idol in youth   i learned to play tennis because of her   i learned to be assertive in life, aggressive in sports because of her style of play    i'll never forget that match with Bobby Riggs   what a turning point for me   what a turning point for women in sports in life    she appeared very strong back then   she appeared even stronger last nite as i watched her ceremony for the renaming of the Tennis Center at the U.S. Open    wow, how powerful she is    with reflections of myself lately, i wonder if this is where i got my strength   sometimes i'm amazed how strong i am especially after my psychosis and definitely not feeling it    anyways, what an icon Billie Jean is   what an honor bestowed upon her   the first naming of a sports place after a woman   this woman i won't ever forget   she made the Biggest impression on me in my youth than anyone ever did    i salute you Billie Jean King!   my idol!

Monday, August 28, 2006


i just read the article pertainin to Katherine Harris, a U.S. Rep   probably republican    anyways, she states in so many words that separation of church and state is a lie   and if you don't elect Christians then we wood be "legislating sin"   now who the hell is she   who is anyone to tell me how to live my life    what is 'right' for an individual is determined by that individual not government or others who condemn and judge    God i hate their self-righteousness whoever displays that either individually or representing a group especially of a spiritual background, i.e. Christians    she needs to go jump in a lake!                http://articles.news.aol.com/news/_a/rep-harris-comments-on-religion-draw/20060826194909990002ke!  

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Loose Women

well, it wasn't a date date, but that's ok    we had fun sumwhat at the skit   the ending skit was heavy, but the rest of it we had sum laughs    we both enjoyed The Vagina Monologues better    after the skit, we had taco salad at her place and good conversation    we chatted a bit about life, church and the joys of living    it was good to get to know her a little    we had met in Foundations Class   same class M and I met    so it'll be fun spendin more time with a new friend   right now she's off with another friend to Europe for a few weeks   wish i was goin, but maybe another year eventually    the afternoon came & went fast    home finally, it's almost dark and i must get out and do a lil yard work....until we meet again..

a date?

sunday morn   the sun is shinin'   my kids are outside   i just read a fellow j-landers entry and my perspective changes    she was discussin' anger, and i reflect on my anger sumtimes having my illness    it truly has been a gift, yet sumtimes i wish it never happened   i wonder how i wood have continued to grow and change without it   lately i've been reflectin on myself of who really i am    i've missed sum parts of me that didn't get to finish developin'    now is the time to let them grow    i am a feminist and probably gay more than bi    i miss those outrageous moments with other women where we can express our 'wild' selves and anger toward men and society   this is a part that i didn't get to develop    since my last psychosis i've been tryin' to recapture my true self    only the last few months have i been able to get a glimpse of my 'wild' self    i've been jugglin still expectations of others and my true identity    and Anne's journal entry reminds me we need to be angry sumtimes at least    even before this morn, i had already decided to cut my hair a different way again, the way i used to years ago   it was more radical and rebellious    just the other niite M took my pic, i posted it on myspace.com    it appeared to be conservative for my nature   i had found a photo of my father & i from a few years back   there my hair was more reflective of my true self    so back it will go, shorter than it's now and may my wild side continue to come forward reflecting my liberal views and radical/rebellious self    i am part conservative, however, i believe in the indvidual freedom of one's expression needed for one's uniqueness and the common era of the day    i am a free spirit in sooo many ways   it comes from my heart and soul   i desire to reflect that in my image on the outside.....now what does all this have to do with a date?    a woman came lookin for me the other day at church  (she didn't know how else to reach me)   she invited me to a skit downtown   sumthin' to do about "Loose Women.."   i luv plays like this   isaw "The Vagina Monologues" awhile back   i need to do more of these skits and remember who i am   Sisterhood is powerful!   i learned this right out of leaving the nest so long ago    i miss those days sumtimes,   i just need to find them again...in time i Will!

Friday, August 25, 2006

we see...

We see a world free of homelessness, violence, war, separation and disenfranchisement.

We see a world in which there is generous & continuing sharing of heart and resources  A world in which forgiveness, whether for errors, injustices, or debts, is the norm  A world in which borders are irrelevant  A world which has renewed its emphasis on beauty, nature and Love through a resurgence and aesthetics  A world in which fellowship prospers and connects through guidance of spiritual wisdom & experience  A world in which we love and grow as one Human Family.


this and the previous entry is our beliefs and philosophy of our church   i embrace them wholly with my heart.   may mankind have all that it needs...


statement of faith

Science of Mind is the correlation of the laws of science, the opinions of philosophy, the revelation of religion as applied to human need & the aspirations of human kind.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

a letter

i sit quietly this morn feelin' Spirit who returned to me, who never left   in a moment the sun will rise  it will be a dawning of a new day   the birds will be singing and it will be a glorious moment    i am teary this morn reflecting on the goodness of Life for that is all there is   i've been waiting for this moment since my temporary setback of a few weeks ago (throwin' out sum of Ramtha teachings)   that temporary setback was being a bit disillusioned by spirituality   a reminiscence of when i came out of my psychosis and didn't believe anything to be spiritual and questioning whether God even existed   but my heart and soul knew   they knew not only a few weeks ago, but years ago when i was truly disilllusioned    experiencing my psychosis i truly recognized and realized  just how powerful our minds are    but as i've learned the past 3yrs thru our church, it isn't the brain doing the thinking, it truly is us    so my setback was of my brain of my experience and its effects on me wondering what really is Truth and what is not    Spirit never deceives us   we do that to ourselves   only living can we know the difference   blessed are we in our lives, in our endeavors   blessed are we to have the breath of Life which is Spirit breathing through us    Loved are we eternally and there is never an end   ...there are not enough words to describe Spirit and they really don't do it   for how does one truly describe Love in its infinity and what does it truly look like.....
Have a great day my friend!   just sum thoughts to share....much love & hugz~k

Saturday, August 19, 2006

saturday nite fever

mostly it's saturday nite   the only fever is the one the Yankees have on my Bosox, but i still love my Sox    i had been searchin' for a baseball team to call my own when Boston showed up and kicked the Yankees before winning the World Series   why i chose it is because of the rivalry   no i'm not from Boston   visited there once but that's all    ya know ya gotta love those damn Yankees, but somebody's gotta beat them sometime   for now i see the Red Sox best possibility    i love a rivalry and boy has my Bosox jacket i bought a few months ago brought a lot of attention   i know it's all just a game despite my love affair with sports   but hey, talkin' up your team and havin a steamy debate with the opponent can be fun, as long as the other guy knows it's just for fun    i can be a die hard, but it's not a life and death situation ever for me when it comes to sports    i learned all this in my youth and playing sports for about 25yrs   it truly is the comraderie that i love most   sports is just great fun for me whether i play or spectate   a great way to work out frustration too   anyways, i love my Chicago Bears even tho they have probably loss more games than won,, but there's nothin' like Da Bears   it isn't whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game!....

in the meantime, i'm here at the fort holdin down Ms Boo     she's a barkin' a lot nowadays and i still have in my head the conversation with her former owner Tjnya stating "she's not a barker"    well as i heard those words over the phone, i'm thinkin' to myself what about the complaint i had from the neighbor just last week?   little does Tj know that Boo is Not the same dog as she was when Tj had her    even my vet told me this back in May    and once back from florida in Jun, Boo has become an even happier dog   God i even have to put her outside to give me a break   she wants to play and play and play all the time    even this moment while writing this entry, we're playin ball   overall she's a pretty good dog, but i've decided to get her into training classes after all asap     my only complaint is her gnawing on my hands although it is play   she doesn't obey me quickly enough to stop   and she's persistant with this   i don't want her to ever think she can do this with anyone who wood stop by and visit, so i want to put a stop to this   i must put a stop to this for all concerned   plus i decided i want her trained well should we be out in public and someone gets really scared of her simply because she's a rottie and loses it    i've had plenty of experience with this just with Charlie Brown   once was enough    anyways, all will be fine   Boo is a friendly dog, but others don't know this   they just see her as a rottie and that's enough    so off to school we'll go soon.....well that's about the news here in nm, except we're gettin more rain   i'm lovin' it because it keeps it cool and the trails open!

Friday, August 18, 2006

gotta beef!

this entry is to shake off some nerves    i'm out fixin' my bike, the gasket finally came in   anyways, this damn pitt bull comes up and attacks me    no it didn't bite me thank god but what pissed me off to no end is the damn owner says it doesn't attack    what a bunch of !@#$%^ bull!   i know a vicious dog when i see one   after 20yrs at the p.o. and 2 dog bites let alone the numerous charges on me by dogs regardless of their type, i know dogs!   damn, there are many dog owners who have their heads up their a$$e$!   now i know my neighbor is one of them!   what world do these dog owners live in when it comes to their dogs    i've seen it for 20yrs   WAKE UP!

...more bad news

after workin on my bike, i discovered a major damage at the oil valve   there's nothing for the valve to screw   a major chip is in that body part and missin'    apparently cracked, it chipped off   nothin to hold the valve so the oil won't leak    i won't know for another couple weeks whether or not the bike is salvagable    i'm beginning to wonder if this bike was worth it   Marlo and his friends really trashed this bike    i pray it's repairable....


my Bosox are gettin their asses kicked by those damn Yankees!   ouch!    is it friday the 13th?

Wednesday, August 16, 2006


we have a major project @ church to do   it's due an the end of the month   but the very s.l.o.w. tedious process makes me wonder how will we get it done in time   i told them today i'd come in 4days a week until this project is done, but i may have to push it to five   we'll see    nothin' like work again....whew!   sweatin' it out again   deadlines!

Monday, August 14, 2006


well, today was the first day for volunteer work at the church   office assistance   we have a major data collection project right now to do   tedious, but it's sumthin to do   as long as they can keep me busy so time will fly by, i'll be alright   after hours of research, i had to come home and chill for about an hour   it's been over 20yrs since doin office work=military career   shall see how this goes after this month   plus we're suppose to get more volunteers in   hopefully not too many because my understandin is there's not enough work at the moment as it is, except for the project   anyways, it was a good day   another day manana, but i'll get a break in the midst of it with Miracles class   then i'm fillin in on thursday for another woman    should make the week go by fast    change of pace   all is good!


...i cleaned out my old address book transferring numbers to the new one    in the old book i found the following i had recorded as notes to myself   where i got them i'm not sure   but they sure do apply today as well:

       worthwhile goals demand effort, risk & sacrifice...persist thru fear & doubt, draw on inner resources...every new challenge serves as an intiation.  you meet discouragement; you overcome discomfort, boredom, & frustration; & you find out what you're made of.

       go toward what attracts or excites or inspires you-toward what touches your heart.  ask yourself what's worth the effort & the sacrifices that come with commitment to any goal.

       when discipline & patience join forces,, they become a persistance that endures past the peaks & valleys to carry intentions to completions.

i understand these more today than i did five years ago    i'll keep them in my new address book...

Friday, August 11, 2006

johnny, charlie & my bike

well first of all my bike is down again   i ordered a gasket and received it yesterday   took the bike apart only to discover the gasket was not the right size -damn it!   back to re-ordering it today    i hate it when i can't ride my bike!   i was definitely the grease monkey doin all this and you should see all the oil all over the sidewalk-oi!

second, i miss my Charlie Brown still   that lil munchkin still tugs at my heart since he made his transition in january    i love dogs, but Charlie just beat them all    there will never be another Charlie, not that i want that (my dad mentioned it)   just one loveable Charlie!

third, but not least    i saw the Actor's Guild Studio (?) on tv   can't remember the exact name   anyways, they interview actors in front of other young actors, writers, playwrites, directors, etc    well the guest last nite was Johnny Depp    now i just absolutely love this guy ever since 21 Jump Street   althought i haven't seen every single one of his movies, i catch as many as i can    it was great seeing the real Johnny out of 'character'   he is an eccentric of sorts but that makes him that much more beautiful    i finally saw him in Sleepy Hollow on the tv the other nite   good movie   sorry it took me so long to see that movie   well i'm just not goin to miss another Depp movie!

Wednesday, August 9, 2006

did you see it?

did you see the article in aol news this morn regarding food coloring coming from beatles?   that is what is used in Yoplait strawberry yogurt, which i had just started eatin a few months ago   i read half the article and it talked about other foods and their coloring including chickens given dye for better "yellow" in the egg    after this article i can see why we need to go organic   too much "artificial" stuff in foods just to sell the product by enriching the colors   O God!....well i guess i'm off to eat my beatle yogurt....

Monday, August 7, 2006


got on my bike today   just rode for a lil while   i hit a back road to see where it went = a dead end to a small airplane airport    so much for adventure   on the way back i stopped at the Harley Davidson bike shop    met a sales rep and she let me sit on a few bikes   sweeeeet!   now i'm definitely sold on the Harley   all the bikes i sat on were a perfect fit   my feet were flat on the ground -yeah!   i sat on several different models and loved them all    there was one particular used bike, Dyan? i think it's called   low seat, best fit    if nothing else i'll get a Softtail, preferrably Heritage Softail    they have several 'types' of Softtail    so now i have just one bill to pay, then i can save a hunk of a down payment for the bike   if i get my disability payments, then i may be able to save cash for the whole thing   we'll see    but i realized it'll be a couple summers still before i make that road trip to D.C. and back on my bike    anyways, i look forward to that new bike which i really don't plan on buyin til next spring   just wood like a lil more ridin under my belt before i purchase that cruiser    sweeeeeeet!   can't wait....


a fellow  j-lander's recent journal entry allows me to write this entry   i gave myself permission that is....for about a week i've been feelin' like an idiot   as the days go by it dissipates   but last week i snapped    i had tossed some of my favorite Spiritual Master's teachings out the door (Ramtha's)   after havin' coffee with Rev Jen, i snapped back into reality so to speak   what came to light was i realized all these years on a subconscious level i've been still tryin to live up to my parents expectations (and Ramtha's)    still tryin' to be that "angel" i was molded into in my youth   now there's nothin wrong with bein an angel, but that is not totally who i am   i just realized i was still tryin to do the "right" thing, according to their views    this included my sexuality   this included my cursing   all of which is a sin    this issue started before my illness   i didn't get to finish it until last week   well i said !@#$ that sh**!   why do i feel like such an idiot?   because i accepted that the "angel" route was the Only way to heaven   bein an angel doesn't make me happy because i can't be who i truly am    i know that no matter what kind of life we lead, we're all gettin into heaven   i'm not wearing the squeaky clean outfit no more!   well i haven't been doin so since i left the nest almost 30yrs ago   for sooo long i wanted my parents approval   i no longer need that   only my approval of myself is what truly counts!   so off to life in freedom, total freedom!....and no i'm really not an idiot!


at least for the moment    we have had rain for the past 3 weeks and it's still here   at the moment the sun is shining and i hope to get on my bike again    been itchin for another ride since thursday's trip to Bandelier   headed out yesterday but i didn't like the clouds hovering over my mountains next to me   i came home, and just in time   flash flood warnings were issued immediately and the rain came   we've recorded record rainfall already and the forecast has rain in it for the remainder of the week   i love the cooler weather, but now i want it dry so i can hit the road for another ride...

Thursday, August 3, 2006

did it!

made it to Bandelier on my bike and back today    great ride!   first long road trip   2 1/2/hrs there, 3 back on a different route    don't know what everyone complains about, but i had a great time   lil tired, but i'm good to go for another....i'm very pleased with myself today:-)

Wednesday, August 2, 2006

hwy 2 the danger zone

well, i got on the interstate finally today on my bike   definitely the danger zone   got on it 3x and it was gettin to be too much fun, so i got off    anyways, it was great to finally break that barrier with my bike   and boy was it sooo windy on that interstate   in the city just a breeze, on the freeway you'd think there was a tornado comin   ok maybe not quite that strong, but pretty damn strong...manana i'm headed out to Bandelier on my bike   finally checked out that oil leak and ordered the part, but nothin major to hold me back on a nice long ride    i go thru the Jemez on the back roads, provided the weather is as clear as it's been today   it got hot again actually   the days before it's been raining cats and dogs, much needed to say the least   ...i also met with Rev Jen for Starbucks today   great to see her   i felt sooo much better after seeing her   i swore i grew a few inches after this chat   ....come monday i start volunteering at church   wanted to volunteer somewhere and decided Animal Humane was Not the place because here they euthanize    after receiving the packet from them, it really hit home that euthanizing business   nope not for me   so off to church i go for a little while   will find out more about it on monday....in the meantime, hope everyone is having a great summer!