Monday, March 28, 2005

Ms. Schiavo

A short note on Terri. She's dominated my thinking for a few days now. God Bless her and all her family. This is such a tragic situation. I don't think anyone would want to live in such a state and I believe that a person's wishes to die should be respected. No matter how hard it is to let someone go, we must all go some time or another. I'm under the impression her parents have not wanted to let her go., therefore pursuing this battle over the years. I would not want this situation to happen to me and therefore because of Terri's situation I will seek a living will or whatever it is I need to do.  I already have given a friend the power of attorney to make medical decisions for me should my meds fail and my mental health deteriorate again.   With Terri's plight, I need to take that one step further.   My family doesn't really know me. (we are dysfunctional and see each other every few years).    I don't want my family stepping in my behalf.   To uphold my wishes, I know the legal system is the only way.    I recommend this for everyone.    Right-to-Die issues I know are moral issues for some but people need to respect others regardless of their beliefs.   Who are they to dictate about someone else's life.   Granted there are children and others who can't make a decision, like the mentally handicapped or mentally ill.   These times others do need to decide for them.  But an adult who is capable of making their own decisions, should be respected.    I know I have taken a risk here speaking out, but this has been plagueing me since friday and another j-lander's entry. (she had her own experience with this situation) .    Remember:  God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.     Terri is in God's hands now, as she should be!   Let her Spirit be Free!

Friday, March 25, 2005

Happy days are here again...

Home again!   well it's been a couple days since my computer crashed and that i've been home from Tjnya's puppy sitting.   Got my computer up and running again, actually a friend did for me, thank God.   Once back online, i caught up with all my email and aol journal entries.   I was elated about seeing Ashley Judd's journal again. 3 stories from her input today.   I've missed her journal tremendously.   I got addicted to it soon after beginning to read it.   I hope she writes a book of her journeys overseas.   Anyways, I like how she doesn't sugar coat her entries.   She tells it like it is which is most needed in our world.   It's tough reading, but life is hard at times.  Harder for those people in Africa and other countries in the same boat.  I just am reminded to count my blessings.   I don't have it tough compared to those people.....anyways,   I"m home again.   It's nice to be home after a week at Tj's with Tabou.   Lil Tabou was alot of fun, but there's no place like home.   My kids missed me as much as i missed them.   I did come home and visit with them at times, but it was short lived before returning to Tjnya's.   Now i must clean house and catch up with school work.   My computer crashed on me Wed mornin'.   It's taken 2 days to reinstall windows xp and all the other files.   my notebook had major trouble reading the xp files.    finally, i'm online again!    how did i ever live without a computer 2yrs ago, lol.   now it's like my    

one more note before i go.    i saw kathleen this week.   i told her i was exhausted from all the blues i experienced the past 2 months (very unusual to have the blues that much)   so after talking with kathleen, i decided to take off the rest of the week from work.   it's been great rejuvenation period.   just what i needed.   life is good again.   my spirits are lifted and i'm ready to kick ass in life again.   and o yes,   i had a date too this past weekend.   it was really nice.  

ok  i'll write more laterz once i'm caught up with school.   i am sooooooooo happy to be home!

Saturday, March 19, 2005

Tabou has my heart

good morning's saturday morn, and again i'm not at work as i should be   i'm feelin a little bad about it, but not that bad   for a first, i didn't go to work because i have a date tonight, another first in months   well my day got a very slow start,  i'm puppy sitting Tabou for a week, and if it wasn't for her, i would have made it to work this morn....last night was my first night with Tabou at Tjnya's house (pronounced Tanya) Tj went to Atlanta to drive her eldest son home so   Her and Andre have a long drive back and will stop in Dallas for a couple days.....well let me tell you about little Tabou   slowly but surely she's getting bigger    she's not going to be a bit rottie because her parents are small, but she is a cutie patootie    she only woke me twice last night   the second time was really about 5:30am so i left the door open for her to take care of business    well by the time i woke she had dragged half the outside inside    bark is everywhere in the living room, lol    so typically i have a mess to clean up    well i was reminded last night how much a handful puppies are right this moment she wants to be held.....brb....i think she misses her mom    i know my dogs miss me when i'm gone even if it's 5 mins  and when i'm gone a week or more,   they smother me for 2hours once i'm home........Tj holds Tabou often so i've learned   don't know what she's going to do once she gets bigger    well all this holding will probably make her into a big lap dog which will be great  i'm amazed at how well Tabou does on her own    she doesn't need constant attention and Tj has been working alot of hours this past month leaving her alone more than i had been lead to believe was ok    well it shows you just how wrong people can be including Animanl Humane   I hope the next puppy i have will well adjusted as Tabou  i'm taking notes now for future use    Tabou is a big sweetheart and i'm getting my biggest laughs with her and Tj's reaction to her    of course it isn't funny as you go through the feet attack, leg attacks with a growl, or other harmful happenings due to their sharp teeth, but i can't help but roar with laughter    i've learned to use humor in dealing with my dogs as they have grown up even when i'm frustrated as hell with them    what's sooo funny to me is that no matter what they do, they keep coming at you with big smiles on their faces and waggin their tales   and when they are puppies, they are like this all the time    i laugh alot at other people as they get frustrated with their dogs, unless they're being cruel   i just know puppies and dogs are being their simple selves and don't know better     yes you can teach dogs new tricks, but there are some things you can't teach them unless you have them so well trained they are no longer free to be their playful selves      dogs are a woman's best friend!   you can always depend on how does all this keep me from work today?   i know you're wondering    well, i would have been late to work, therefore late getting home and no time to check on Tabou before headed for my date at 6:30pm     Honestly, i've been slackin from work    need to talk to kathleen about it on monday.   will do    need some suggestions on how to motivate myself about work again.....well until monday, i'll enjoy myself and do some studying     all i feel like doing right now is going to school    wish i could afford to do just the story of the day, if you don't have a puppy or a dog, get one!    you won't regret it.....

Monday, March 14, 2005

Tribute to Gary

the fire is burning   coffee is brewing , and my dinner sits cold on my plate , yet i eat it anyways   i would like this entry to be a small tribute to Gary   ....Gary was a postal customer of mine   i learned today that he had died of cancer back in October (this was the time i was out from a broken toe)   i met his only daughter today, Amber   i had been wondering for awhile now why i hadn't seen him   he usually will at least stick his head out the door and say hello to me when it's been awhile    ...i can't believe he's gone   and a tear rolls down my face........i don't see all my customers on my postal route, but there are certain ones i see all the time    Gary was one of my regulars     he was only 56   a wonderful guy    he just retired last year from his job at sandia labs   he was always tinkering around the house when i saw him     his last project was working on an old international scout   fixin it up  to be his drive around vehicle    he painted it that lime green color i don't like   but he did such an excellent job it almost looked neon    he took the top off   lifted it up and put these humongous tires on it    he rebuilt the engine , or bought a new one    he did every detail  and one door he wasn't ever satisfied with the results so he was constantly sanding and resanding and repainting    he has this gorgeous sailing boat in his front yard    kept asking me to help him wash it    i actually thought about it, but you know how life goes    ......if i remeber correctly, the last time i saw him last summer, he told me he had cancer    i asked if he was ok, and of course he said he was     that was just before i broke my toe in september     anyways, this cancer stuff has got to quit    2 other customers have been dealing with it too   plus a co-worker has delt with it and is now in her first year of remission    ........there's got to be a cure one day......i wear my Lance Armstrong 'LIVESTRONG' bracelet and will continue to do so especially for a Gary.     he will sorely be missed    he already is.......he was a great guy!

Saturday, March 12, 2005

saturday morn

I woke this morn cuddled to my pitt, Charlie Brown   he always likes to snuggle   as i layed there i felt like a kid again, but that is precisely what my dogs do for me   they keep me young at heart   yes they sleep with me , at least until i find my true love   for love is everywhere, anywhere you look to find it   when the flowers are in bloom, leaves returning to the trees after a long winter' night,   thedawning of the day and stars so bright .....yesterday, i took a moment and said a prayer just to have a wonderful day    in that moment, i realized i need to do this daily   if nothing else but a gratitude prayer    being back on my spiritual journey has been a struggle, but i'm getting there     i remember i could sit for hours in quiet before my crazyness    now, i'm lucky if i get solitude once a week    to have those moments to absorb the week and all its adventures    ....i started online school again    i had switched to Univ of Phoenix so i could be taking one class at a time     i discovered a few days ago that the workload for this one class is as much as the 2 classes per session i was attending at Colorado Tech Univ     seems i should have stayed at CTU    for i also realized, i will not be able to work overtime while attending school after all, unless the class workload diminishes    and damn, i like CTU's format better the UOP.    O well,   i've learned from this and will stick out UOP til i've completed my b.s. in criminal justice   now if i had only  listened to my intuition on this, i would have stayed with CTU     well i'm sure there are some advantages right now to my current program     don't you wish you could have some foresight in life sometimes    this is one moment i wish i had.......well i have learned that i am now a student more than a postal worker    it's a nice change    i love learning and this feeds me more than my postal route    i've needed this change too     life has been mundane for me lately     today i will set up my new notebook (laptop) for school    i took the day off from work so i can go get a USB drive for it    plus i have tons of homework to do before next wednesday    once i get my notebook set up, i'll be off this puter    it doesn't have enough memory nor meets the school requirements in order to do the online program     i can't complain really    i got this puter free 2 years ago    my beginnings to the internet world    didn't think i'd ever own a computer, but a former roomie got me addicted, lol     now i'm a junkie, not a geek, but junkie    ........'i met God's Will on a halloween night, he was dressed as a bag of leaves...'

Sunday, March 6, 2005

Sunday morn-quiet please....

I love sunday morns   I get to wake up at my own time, sorta.  Today my kids woke me up at 7am   that's almost a work morn   i love to wake up and have a nice quiet morn, coffee and read the news.   i've been accustomed to a morning online chat with a buddy, but that isn't happening right now. so i'm going to begin a new routine for sunday morns.   since i wasn't getting my quiet this morn, i took myself to IHOP for breakfast-delicious-skillet with a sirloin steak   since it wasn't quiet at there either, i called Tjnya thinking she have some nice music on and it would still quieter than my dogs being rambunctious here     well i got there and she had the tv on     where's the quiet place this morn?     well i least got to see Tabou    she was up and about playing all over me with all that puppy energy they have    i got worn out just watching her, lol.     she finally layed down and i was ready for a nap.    well about that time i was ready to actually lay down, Tabou woke    as much as i tried to nap, she was all over me    in my hair, on my chest, chewing my fingers like crazy and occasionally my shoes     puppies are soooo cute in their youth     well again, no quiet       now i'm home and my kids are all round up       think i'm going to turn the tv off and take a nap by myself in my bed    i'll get some is in quiet that i gain so much   i reflect, i contemplate, i create and i re-energize my soul during quiet     i don't get enough of it sometimes     a little quiet time, solitude, daily is a spiritual growth for me     for there i feel more one with God, nature, and Life.     the treasures of life shine more clearly thru the midst of the busyness     it is the breathe i take that keeps me alive in the moments of each day ever unfolding into the pattern their meant to be     and with each pattern, i can create another for me to walk, live by forever growing from deep inside     quiet, the still of the night, the dawn of the day, the sun setting and whatever come might may      this is who i am   this is how i live     not knowing what life brings me in each new day      like flowers bloomin in its own time, like each new bud a life is born   .....

Wednesday, March 2, 2005


ok    well i've been trying to figure out how to get a photo added to this journal     so here it goes    i'm still working on it though because i'd like to have it in the left hand column    i tried there but ended up with 2 x's     so i'll keep workin on it     Life is good at the moment, except i'm all funky from the day at work and need a shower    i was going to study tonight for my foundations class, but decided to chill one last night before i begin univ of phoenix online schooling manana    plus i need to do a little cleaning too     usually i'm watchin' Law & Order SVU, reruns on cable , but tonight i wanted something light hearted  or pure entertainment     i thought about visiting Tjnya and Tabou, but remember Tj was taking Tabou out for a little walk in the park    i'll probably see them this sunday    and besides, right now i have one of my kids (dogs) talking to me    Sadie is the most talkative dog i've ever had    when she wants something she either barks, whines, growls, or scratches to no end until i tend to her    she doesn't growl that much except when i'm trying to get into the bed and she has her spot already laid out    i've got to tell her to chill and move over!,  lol      my kids keep me going    they are great blessings in my life    they make me laugh, cry, angry sometimes, frustrated and just the great little things they do for me    unconditional love to no ends with them    and they smile alot which brings me joy    they spoil me and i spoil them    but it's all worth it    their simplicity in life reminds me to live simply and enjoy each day, each moment as there is no tomorrow    simple pleasures are lifes greatest treasures whether with friends, family or your pets along with the beauty of nature     ....anyways, i'm mellow tonight     happily enjoying the moment       have a great day manana   rise early enough to watch the sunrise   it's a great way to start the day!      take care.....