Monday, May 30, 2005

Memorial Day

                                                              may all those who died for us rest in peace,  may all those serving now come home safe and sound    may our nation remain strong and forever Free!

Sunday, May 29, 2005

sunday rest

it was another beautiful day for this weekend   i think the forecasted rain is finally arriving at this hour   or so the sprinkles say   it was suppose to rain since friday, but we only got a few showeres at the base and in the mountains for a few moments friday late afternoon   the remainder of the city stay dried and although clouds have drifted in every evening, no was a sluggish day, but i had a great date with Russ   he worked on the virus on my computer, with no luck, while i grilled steaks for us   we had good conversation although i felt half asleep for my restless nite hence the teddy bear right now   i'm ready to go curl up with one or my dogs and hit the sack....tomorrow will be a day of a couple projects   clothes organization and putting in a new sink & cabinet in my guess bathroom   my neighbor Dell was throwing an old one out, so i scarfed it up   i already needed to replace the faucet and had just discovered i really needed to replace the sink   well i haven't ever done this before either, so this will be another journey for my handywoman license   it should be fun....and tomorrow at 3pm locally, i will take a moment of silence in recognition of our fallen heros....Happy Memorial Day everyone....

we shall build that sky

i just added a note to my last entry thinking i wouldn't add another entry   it's 4:30am and i haven't slept well since my evening with Danny   as we were hugging each other goodbye and went our separate ways, a strong feeling came over me    i have no clue as to what it really was, but i know i was soooo moved spending time with him that i can't sleep   maybe i'm worried already   my dreams are of Danny when i do sleep...and just before hitting the sack, i meditated momentarily in the still of the night   my inner voice said, "we shall build that sky"    what this means i don't know   i was thinking of Danny and then thinking of God as well as what changes within me i've felt the past few days   whatever that 'sky' is, i know God will be my guide   God is my source, my wisdom, divine intelligence and sooo much more    'we shall build that sky' i feel is a message from God somehow, someway    i will know in the days to come as it unfolds what it will be........if i get some sleep, i will attend church this morn   i had already been thinking of doing so before last nite    all the more reason now to go.....       (at 11:30am this sun morn i discovered i hadn't taken my meds last night   this explains the sleepless nite more than anything   me and my brain-ugh!)

Saturday, May 28, 2005

danny mares

tonight i got to know this young man a little better   more so than ever actually at work   at work we don't get to chit chat   it's always business, business, business...anyways, Danny is my co-worker headed back to Iraq   the young face of war really hit me tonight he shared some of his previous experience   really just a couple stories and although he was laughing i could tell even more how the war had affected him a bit   his stories really brought the reality of war even closer to home   i am speechless, maybe numb to this experience   i think i was like this last year when Girlfriend (Sharon-another coworker) went to iraq for 3 months    it just brings me in ever more appreciation of what we have here   what it is to be an American   FREEDOM is not free!....i pray tonight is not the last time i see him   he shared what their mission will be, and he won't actually be in iraq again until sept 1   he leaves the 6th of june to amarillo for a couple weeks, then off to north carolina until he departs overseas  ..... i also learned tonight Danny is a country boy  the party was at his parents house and it was actually where Danny grew up   i'm a bit country myself, so i love the down home feelin with country folks  he likes country and rock music, so i'll be sending him some  he also suggested sneaking beer in the mail, so i will definitely oblige with a six pack for the guys   he pulled out a cigarette tonight and i said i didn't know you smoked   not to my surprise, he only smokes while in the war   he was feelin a little bit of the stress tonight (probably the stories reminding him)  so there'll be plenty cartons of cigs for him and his troops in his kare packages   he'll only be over there 6-8months, BUT....God I LOVE OUR TROOPS!!!   anyways, like Girlfriend, i'll keep him busy with letters , several times a week ...when i was overseas, i felt isolated from "Home" = USA   i was always delighted to hear from home   i'm sure it's far more important during war...anyways, i also told him i'm lighting a candle nightly with his pic beside it (once i get it)   i came homeand lit one already   i also started the coffee so i can add some baileys'   a couple cups will do me wonders right now....he escorted me to my truck tonight   we hugged each other a couple times   he knew i was bout to cry, and i did once in the truck and on the road...he did tell me he had a pendant but gave it to Girlfriend when she went to iraq   so it was good i got him the pendant   he said he had it blessed too   he's wearing it now and said he will think of me while over there   i just want him to think of him and his troops and i'm sure he will.....God, war sucks!!!!    I love you Danny Mares   God Bless You, your family, our troops!.....i'll get another ton of gray hairs, but o well....                                              (i'm sooo deeply moved by this evening that i can't sleep tonight..God Bless..)

Friday, May 27, 2005

visiting a vet...

Proud To Be An American

Written By Lee Greenwood

If tomorrow all the things were gone I'd worked for all my life, And I had to start again with just my children and my wife, I'd thank my lucky stars to be living here today, 'Cause the flag still stands for freedom and they can't take that away.

I'm proud to be an American where at least I know I'm free, And I won't forget the men who died who gave that right to me, And I gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today, 'Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land God Bless the U.S.A.

From the lakes of Minnesota to the hills of Tennessee, Across the plains of Texas from sea to shining sea. From Detroit down to Houston and New York to L.A., There's pride in every American heart and it's time we stand and say:

I'm proud to be an American where at least I know I'm free, And I won't forget the men who died who gave that right to me, And I gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today, 'Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land God Bless the U.S.A.

The above photo was taken at the scene of the World Trade Center disaster on 9/11/01 by
Thomas E. Franklin



     i visited a vet for literally a moment today....i just shook his hand and said 'thanks for serving guy'.....he was deeply touched   "that means a lot to me, thank you.."      such a small gesture made a vet smile    he had earned the Purple Heart according to his license plate   as young as he appeared i'd say he was Vietnam Vet  i didn't realize how touched i'd be either, tears came to my eyes.....Remember everyone this memorial weekend who gave their lives over the years....GOD BLESS YOU ALL!!!!        
Thanks to everyone who noted my last entry!   Everyone have a safe weekend...cya next week~kbear

Thursday, May 26, 2005

USA Today

   in today's USA Today there is an article about all the memorials being done for our soldiers who have fallen in iraq and afghanistan    if you get a chance pick up a copy    Memorial weekend is upon us and please take a moment to honor ALL our veterans and soldiers of our armed forces    they have done a great service for our country, keeping peace, safe and freeing others for the right of democracy   remember our forefathers as well who founded this great nation and all the battles that have been fought for our independence   Glod Bless America!  God Bless our Troops!      note:  the article in AOL news this afternoon covers the same story....

Please share with your folks accordingly.


The White House Commission on the National Moment of Remembrance was established by Congress, to honor our fellow Americans who died in service to our Nation. Specifically, the Commission's charter is to put "memorial" back into Memorial Day.

President George W. Bush has given the Moment his personal support and asks all Federal employees to participate in this initiative.

On Memorial Day, May 30, 2005, at 3 p.m. local time, wherever you may be -- family or friends, or even alone -- honor America's fallen heroes in any of the following ways:

   Tell five of your friends about the National Moment of Remembrance.
   Display the American flag.
   Together with your family, friends, or neighbors, take time to pause for
   one minute of reflection to remember our fallen heroes.
   Read to your children a story of heroic brave men and women who gave
   their lives in service toour country.
   Say a prayer for our Nation and the families who lost loved ones.
   If driving, turn on your vehicle's headlights.
   Sound a bell or tap a glass. Alone or with others ring a bell and say:
   "With honor and respect, we remember America's fallen." (Ring bell).
   Plan to visit a loved one's gravesite or a military or veterans
   Call a family member or friend of someone who has lost a loved one in
   service to our country and thank them for their sacrifice for our
   Offer a donation to your favorite charity in honor of those who died.

The uniqueness of the National Moment of Remembrance campaign is that it is designed to encourage the participation of Americans of all ages, however and wherever they are spending America's day of remembrance. Please inform your friends and people in your community about the Moment.

This proud new tradition will do more than preserve Memorial Day. It will help encourage others to serve our Nation. Your participation in this shared remembrance will help unite the country and reinforce our Nation's core values. A moment of silent reflection is an act of national unity for all those who paid for our freedom with their lives. It is a moment every American can spare. One Nation, One Moment ? "This Nation does not forget."

To learn more about the National Moment of Remembrance, visit

Wednesday, May 25, 2005


well i sure am chillin tonight   haven't done much but sit here, read the news, read some journals, and watch a little tv   i'd love to sit and read a book But i need a break    now i know why college students don't like to read much , some not at all once finished with school    you definitely need a break from the reading    so maybe next week i'll pick up a book i've been working on.....well this guy in the chair is my Max   he is a golden retriever and i've never met a sweeter dog   he is mr. mellow from the word go, although charlie brown will get him to playing    other than that, Max is sooooooooooooooo....oooo...sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!   i haven't ever gotten angry with him    never need to   i rescued him from animal humane   actually all my dogs are rescues from either the shelter or humane society   Max was bout 3yrs old when i picked him up with a afro hair do from bad food   after a couple months of good food, his hair finally started straightening out   he's my first retriever and i never knew their disposition til Max   i was afraid he was going to be timid and not stand up for himself, but i would learn that he would and did when sadie i believe challenged him soon after his arrival    sadie thinks she's the boss of everyone    well he put her in her place....he's really gentle too, except when he paws me   i swear he has bear paws they're sooo strong   he just doesn't realize how strong he is...he's another Big Sweetheart   if you're ever undecided as to what kind of dog to get for your family, i highly recommend a Max.......just steppin outside, i smell rain in the air    it's forecasted to rain manana, but i think it'll be here sooner   i love the scent of rain in the air   sooo refreshing....i'm ready for it to cool off too:-)

Jimmy Boy

ok,  here's my Jimmy dog   he's black lab cross   one huge lap dog   he's all kisses and hugs   the only irritating thing he does is bark over his food   no one, except me, can get near his food   he was in the animal shelter for 4months   unusually high amount of time for dogs there   fear of him being in his last days, i rescued him   i'm surprised no one had adopted him before   but as i said, he's huge   on his hind legs he stands as tall as me at 5'4"    he's my most loyal dog too   he'll be at my feet all day long, unless he's guarding his food   then he's all day there   he lays on my lap often and gives me kisses daily and/or nightly for my day.....i want to rant about the job, but don't know that i should hold my tongue   plus i'm off work now, and the union will deal with management with their latest doings   just as you think things can't get worse at the job, they remind you ever so quickly otherwise   you'd think i'd be accustomed to it after 19yrs   not sure there is such a thing workin for the govt   o well, for now it pays the the good thing today was i got to see Danny for a moment   Danny is the guy headed to iraq soon again    he had on the St. Christopher pendant i gave him  he just returned from training and is waiting on his orders now   his family is having a going away party for him saturday, so i'll be headed for that   today i told him i loved him   i love all our soldiers and their bravery for serving our country   being a veteran i have a little insight into their dilemmas although i haven't ever served in a war   but in the military you are a team  everyone is helping everyone else out and the comradeship has no words to describe   i thought i'd find that team ship in the civil sector, but it has yet to be found   i do have it with a few coworkers, but it's not the same as the military   too much diversity with co-workers   anyways, my military is a treasure i cherish ...i'd recommend it to any young man or womanundecided with their future from high school   it did me a lot of good....well other than the heat getting to me already, that's the news for today   (the heat and my meds do not mix   i get physically ill if i'm not careful of my diet)....hope all is well with j-landers    ....laterz

Charlie Brown

    good mornin everyone   Charlie Brown says hello    he's my pitt, the tan dog   someone recently asked about photos of my dogs and here is one of them   Jimmy is also in the pic, black dog but i'll post another  photo of him laterz   Charlie is my houdini dog   mr. escape and social butterfly    he jumps my 6 foot fence, breaks cables he has been tied down with, and too quick for me to stop him in his leaps and bounds out to the neighborhood to visit everyone    he is well socialized and loves people   he's given me more heartache and headaches than any other dog i've had, but i cherish him immensely   he's the love of my life   he always wears a smile on his face   he runs up and down inside my house, only 1000 sq ft, playing tag with the other dogs   he's a handsome little devil too   i think he's finally settling down a bit because he hasn't jumped the fence in awhile   there are more pitt bulls out there like him and it's sad that their reputation precedes him    charlie will lick you to death before ever harming you   I love him!  he's so full of energy even at 4yrs old   never a dull moment around the house   with out him here, it is a bore.... 

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

the Reds...

       ok   one more of the Grand Canyon   can you tell i love this place!    anyways, i was browsing thru more photos of mine and discovered this and a few more    this is the best shot i think that captures the eternity of reds in the canyon....thought you might like it....more photos to come, but not necessarily of the Grand Canyon   i do have other     p.s.  i think this was right after sunrise....

evening nap

   i came home tonight after work feelin' i needed a nap   so i put my dogs outside (they were inside today in the cool air) and i went and laid down   well that was about 6:30pm and i didn't wake til just now, 9pm   it's been years since an evening nap after work   must have been the heat even though i was next to the mountain today delivering mail   my milk shake probably contributed to my sleepiness as well    o well, just means i'll be awake late tonight   no problem for tonight i'm putting more paper work together regarding my disability retirement   sometime i'm draggin my feet on this because i'm unsure whether it's the best thing for me to do, BUT when i go into Kurt's Kamera Corral as i did today, i'm easily persuaded and don't have any second thoughts   i had to go in there to see what was a buzz with my camera   nothing i'd discover but dust between the battery and it's connection  the door covering the battery is broken, so that was the clue to it all   anyways i didn't leave without spending $40   i needed a new filter for my lenses so i purchased that   i also got a hood for the camera which i'm not totally sure of it's advantage   i think there's more to it than protection  and i bought these note cards Charlotte Gardner   they're photograph notecards and the photography is superb   i'll frame them and use them to inspire myself to capture photo as such   the details are crisp and sharp   i asked for a couple tips in getting those type photos, the guy said a tripod and lower speed film   i prefer the ASA 100 already, so will return to that film speed  it was what i learned on to begin with in lieu of the popular 200 ASA that's out now    anyways,  i have a tripod but it is a cheapy and i discovered it's value last summer at the Grand Canyon   not very sturdy   so this afternoon i returned to Kamera Corral and explored the real deal in tripods   far better in sturdiness but it cost a top dollar   they did have some single pods which i'm definitely interested for hiking and backpacking and the rugged terrains i explore  those were as low as $50, but i also liked a couple other tripods which ranged from $120-160 a piece   well once i retire, i'm definitely ready to invest the money into better photography equipment and all that i need to see if i can do a little selling of my photos   cost will be just enough to keep my hobby going   costs of the materials plus about $10-15 on top of that    so i'd sell a photo from $25-50   they will be matted of course, some framed   some may be less expensive for the smaller sizes   right now i'm exploring where i can get quality prints and enlargements for the lowest cost  Kamera Corral guy said they send photos off to Kodak for printing and the results are good   so my next roll i'll drop off to them   God did i get elated just going into that shop today   i told myself i need to retire just so i can do my photos   the weather is gorgeous right now which gives me itchy feet even more   so i'm headed for a road trip next payday and every payday thereafter to explore some of our region that i have yet to discover   i've been itchin to go for a year now and i realized i just work too damn much to get out and about   well all that has been changing the past few months, so now i have the time  Yippie aye Yay!   Retirement here i come!   i'll explain more about retiring in the coming months, but for now i need to get to that package....take care.....hope you enjoy the pic    this pic shows the true Reds of the Grand Canyon   now imagine miles and miles and miles of this viewing the Grand Canyon    Nature is sooo grand!    God bless!

Monday, May 23, 2005

end of class

    ok   i'm reposting some photos in hopes you have a better view    this is another photo of the Grand Canyon   i think this is at dawn, right after sunrise    if you ever do get to this magnificent place, i discovered early dawn and about an hour before sunset are the best times for photo shooting unless it's a cloudy day   otherwise it is really hazey there....anyways, tonight is the last night of my current class   i'll take at least two weeks off before the next class   i make take even longer   with the bump in the road in this class, i need to think about doing school before moving forward   i will move forward, but not sure when again  my depression a couple weeks ago sent me thru a loop with class    although i know how to handle it better the next time,  i just want to be wise with school and not continue mess up my GPA   i'll talk with my therapist upon her return and go from there   my heart desires to continue, but i must utilize wisdom in my decision making    during my blues sometimes, i barely manage daily life let alone school too during it   but i'm optimistic   i know all will work out for the best   i will finish school, it just may not be as soon as i'd that i'm off for a couple weeks, i'll get some things done around the house, go hiking, read a book or two and just have some fun   it all begins tomorrow after work Yeeeehaaaaaaw! the meantime, i must insure my camera is still working and that it's just the battery that's not working    i went to take some pics of my bloomin cactus, literally bloomin flowers they are, and the camera would not operate    i'm keepin my fingers crossed....ok  until manana....have a good one!


   i needed a sunrise this morn, so i brought this photo out from the Grand Canyon   to some this may look like sunset, but it is actually the sunrise   look at it as you wish and enjoy the moment    hopefully this coming weekend i can actually go watch the sunrise   i haven't done so in awhile   it's a great way to welcome a new day with the fresh mornin air and sometimes dew upon the pastures, flowers and trees....

Saturday Six

1. What is the last product or service you tried just because you saw a commercial that impressed or amused you about the product?  Did you like the product or service after you tried it?
    Verizon Wireless...yes I love my telephone service with Verizon  I've been using it for awhile now   Couldn't be happier.

2. How old is the oldest photograph in your home?  Are you in it?   Probably the baby picture of me is my oldest photograph.  My mother gave it to me a few years back.  I must be only a few weeks old in it.

3. What is the most supernatural event you have experienced?  Did you feel there was a specific reason that it happened to you?
  this is an interesting question....if you call God answering my prayers often, that's supernatural to me:-)

4. Do you usually consider the glass half-empty or half-full?  O it is always half full.   I'm such an optimist yet I do have my half empty moments.

5. What part or parts of your body do you shave regularly?
    well my pits and my legs of course...and unfortunately i have a tidbit chin hair   i must shave it regularly too   just one of those hairy women i

6. What day is typically your busiest of the week?  What day are you usually the happiest?  What day are you usually the saddest? well my Happiest day is always Sunday   i always know that is a day off for busiest day is anytime i'm at saddest days come and go as they please   that's what my blues does for me  no predictable pattern on those days....

Sunday, May 22, 2005

2d posting

                ok this is a test.....i'm experimenting with photos without the white box....i posted this once before in a white box    i'll see if it looks better without the white box.....let me know what u think....this is the Grand Canyon about 30mins before sunset.....


I GOT AIR!!!   with a couple tips from my neighbor Mike, i got the swamp cooler running   changed the copper wiring myself learning it can easily be cut with a pair of pliars   now why this simple contramption seemed so difficult before is beyond me   there is really nothing to this swamp cooler   NOW I KNOW how to do this myself and don't need the handyman:-)    another task for my jane of all trades journeyman my babies can stay cool in this heat   i keep them inside while i work in this heat    we are all happy campers right now:-)......

sunday chores

i sit this mornin with my cup of coffee and krispy kreme donuts   just a short sitting this morn for i have a day chores to do   first and foremost, i must get my swamp cooler running today   it's going to 97 and although my humble adobe will be cooler inside, i need it running for my dogs   they get hot regardless   plus at those temps nowadays, the house eventually is hot inside  i went to turn it on last night only to discover the copper tubing had a couple leaks in it   so i'm off to home depot this morn to replace it   hopefully this will be an easy task   i've never been comfortable doing the cooler, but i realized yesterday it is time i get comfortable with it   my handyman let me down last fall and this year   i don't think he's available anymore, so i must really learn this easy task that seems to boggle me anyways   o well, i am not the jane of all trades  ....but who knows,  with the summer here and many projects to do around the house i just may become jane of all trades, lol now i must get running to home depot   it's 10am and the day will be too hot to be on the roof soon enough....actually i enjoy this heat initially for awhile, until it persists day in day out for months on end, then it's time to go....hope all have a great day!

Saturday, May 21, 2005

vacation long ago

i'm chillin tonight after a nice cold beer   just one   it's always just one nowadays   but it was delightful after being cooked in the sun today.....these photos are from 2 different vacations    the tigers are the tigers of Roy who got mauled by his tiger   this may be the one, yet i don't know for sure    they are beautiful and i was able to capture a couple photos of his cats   now if i had only gone to their show before the mauling incident   i chose to wait, dagnabbit!   following the tigers are a few photos taken in the Arches National Park located in southeastern Utah   i hope the canyon reds show up well in these photos   if not, imagine:-)   deep dark red tones   southwestern  awesome they are   the woman in those pics is my sister  the next to last pic is from Canyonlands National Park located literally down the road from the Arches...the last pic is somewhere on our journey back to washington state ....digging out these photos i realized i had only taken too few photos of those parks and must revisit that area for a week just for photography purposes   i'm biased, but i love the west!  soooo much beauty out here!   hope you enjoy!


Another friend rediscoverd today!  YEAH!   my friend Cindy Gonzales who i haven't seen in about 2years   for months now i've been thinking about her alot and FINALLY she was home when i went to her house:-)   HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!  Cindy and I hung out together before i got seriously ill over a decade ago   Seeing her today brought back all the memories i needed to remember:-)  it was soooooo goooooooooooood to see her today    we visited for my 30min lunch today   then i called her on my way home from work and we chatted a little while   i told her i've missed her, but i needed to remember her first   the memories were in my head, but not in my heart, if you can understand that   i had memory loss due to my illness and the last decade i've been recovering from my illness and only saw her briefly a couple years ago or so    it's really been 11years since spending anytime together   but she understands   she Truly does   she has a daughter who suffers from depression and a brother and someone else she knows   seeing her today, i realized she's the missing piece of puzzle i've been lookin for ....tears roll of joy and for finding her again, sad for all the years i've missed out on her   but i wasn't myself the past decade either   she's here now and i'll start hangin out with her again some   we both have relationships in our lives, so we won't see each other like daily as before, but that is alright   just knowing she is here now again is all that matters to me   i finally have someone i can totally relax and be myself with again   words cannot describe the value of her friendship right now   we have a lot to catch upon and we will   i was a great surprise at her door step today  today was GREAT for both of us...she is a much needed friend i've needed for awhile now    i have my other friends, but each friendship is unique and treasured as so   each brings to me different specialities   God i am soooooooo happy right this moment!   Life is Good!   i am blessed with friends i cherish forever... thank you God for all my blessings in life   thank you for this joyous day with Cindy   thank you for summer breeze in the midst of HEAT!   this is what heaven is made of.....

Star Wars

this is for Scalzi's weekly assignment   it's my first time doing his assignment   here goes:    

Now I go back to the very first Star Wars movie.  I was home on leave from the military   I was stationed in the Azores, Portugal and had no clue about what this movie was all about or all the hype surrounding it   I was on a date with my boyfriend   unknowingly i was in love   he was my first love and i cherished anytime i had with him   so we're at the movies and i pay more attention to him than the movie   i did see enough of it, but it didn't seem to impress me much   quite frankly i would realize later that i didn't follow the story line very well that night   i was just sooo happy to be with my Beau that nothing else it was the second time i saw the movie, that it really caught my eyes  I loved it!   and ever since then i've been in love with Star Wars.  aside from Luke Skywalker, Chewbacca and the Ewoks would be my all time favorites of the series   and o yeah, YODA TOO!   Yoda the wise one....i have yet to buy the triology and now i must debate whether to purchase DVD set or regular VHS   i don't have a dvd player yet   One day soon, i'll have the original set and will be replaying them constantly    although the new Episodes of Star Wars are great, i am very fond of the original series....MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!

Friday, May 20, 2005

Arizona Rx Stress

Tea!   nice Arizona tea on one hot spring day   it isn't officially summer but it's here  93 degrees currently with high tomorrow of long as it doesn't get any higher, i'll be fine    once over that 95 degree mark, i start melting....


quietly i sit after writing my friend a letter   this is my friend who i found a few weeks ago  i talked with her on the phone yesterday    she hit a nerve, but that may have been more so due to my moodiness  it could been her confrontations   it does not matter   she says i haven't changed in all these years, yet i know otherwise  maybe it is her who hasn't changed   how can she see changes via email and telephone conversations only   so i had to write her   last nite i wrote my therapist   this morn i am relaxed, confident, serene in the moment so it was good time to write val   life is a journey   growing, changing if one so chooses  i am on my journey    i have been on the journey of life since birth  shaped like the seasons ever changing   i was a product of my childhood until i left to be my own person  although it took awhile, i am no longer like my family   that was my mission  my purpose in life for awhile  i began discovering who i was in my early 30s when i decided to live alone and leave everyone else alone  frustrated and lacking human understanding i chose metaphysics to get better acquainted with myself and life  there i grew some  then grew some more  so my illlness arrived at my door step and so it is here  i live on and with new eyes into the world  i am not my illness, it is only a part of  me   i am the seasons  the colors of the fall, the stillness of winter, the new of the spring and the sweat of the summers  Life is grand in all its wonder   heaven is here all around me not only in nature but all the people too   the fights, the politics, the laughter, the tears we all endure are all treasures to hold   if we didn't have our differences life would be a bore    maybe i have my heads in the clouds, but it has been my journey which has gotten me there.... 

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Wild Horses

i discovered another journal this morn while reading Jude's journal   in the new journal Lori gave us a link for the Wild Horses that are being round up for slaughter   there's currently a law which allows people to do this   well right now there is a bill on the floor to stop this nonsense and for those animal lovers out there who would like to help out here is the link:

I'm an animal lover and horses are my favs too.   God left us all these wild horses for their natural beauty, it is not mankinds right to destroy them.   anyways, take a moment if you'd like and send a comment to your congressman/woman.  :-)   this link will provide you all the info needed to contact your representative.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Mattie Stepanek

the following was written by Mattie Stepanek


I need a hope...a new hope.

A hope that reaches for the stars, and

That does not end in violence or war.

A hope that makes peace on our earth,

That does not create evil in the world.

A hope that finds cures for all diseases, and '

That does not make people hurt,

In their bodies, in their hearts,

Or most of all, in their spirits.

I need a hope ...a new hope,

A hope that inspires me to live, and

To make all these things happen,

So that the whole world can have

A new hope, too.

i discovered Mattie not so long ago and soon there after he passed onto heaven.  I have one of his books and will purchase the others.  For those who don't know of him, he was a great poet, leader of peace and inspiration to the world    He had Muscular Dystrophy and left us at the age of 13 i believe.   this poem i found in an old Science of Mind magazine i had buried in a bag   the magazine covered is plight and all his greatness.   if you haven't picked up one of his books, i recommend it greatly.   he's forever in my thoughts....

wednesday mornin blue

i sit quietly reading the news, sippin my french roast coffee wondering what to do today   to work or not to work is the question    school is calling me as well as some other matters    so after reading a crime story this morn i'm inclined to stay home and school   the quiet moments gives me time to reflect, question and indulge myself into solitaire  these are my favorite morns when my children are not causing a raucous and nothing seems to move   not one sound except a distant plane flyin overhead ...but it doesn't last long as sadie girl decides to play .....last nite i did get some fun in    as i placed a dish into the sink, i discovered my Outdoor Photography magazine sittin nearby   i've been getting it in the mail, but haven't looked at them for awhile   it is my favorite magazine along with Science of Mind   the OP has awesome photos for me to study as well as great tips in it    there are other photograpy magazines but i think this is the best   it's as good as National Geographic when it comes to photos   both great magazines in my opinion  which reminds me , i need to pay for Nat'l Geo this payday   anyways, i'm savin all my OP magazines for future studying   once i retire, i'm going to concentrate more time on my photography and studying it in more detail   although i have a great start with my photography there is tons more for me to learn  i have some books by Ansel Adams given to me as a present years ago   i'll reopen them and discover other books by Ansel that were mentioned in the OP last night   plus there are other photographers to learn from as well   just whatever tidbits i can learn, and more than tidbits, where i can improve on my photographs  not sure i'll ever make the professional grade, but it sure will be a hell of a fun time tryin ...i need new life and photography will be a part of that    next week i'll have a break from school, so i'll dig out my camera and go shoot   i must buy another filter for the lense   i've missplaced my haze filter  it is a must have item to protect the lense from damage more than anything   it's cheaper to replace that filter than a whole lense   i get an andrelanine rush just thinkin of shooting .....anyways, i'm off to my day    life is good

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

saturday six

     i got this from marti's journal    if you'd like take the saturday six                                              1. How many scars do you have on your body?  Where are they?  i think a total of 3 scars   one on my right index finger   second one on the side of my left thigh 13inches in length and a one incher on my left buttocks2. What is the last junk food you ate in such large quantity that you actually felt guilty afterwards? this is a tough one   hmmm  probably a half a dozen of krispy kreme donuts, but they were yummy  3. What is the closest spot to your home where you go when you feel like you need an afternoon escape? the sandia peak   the sandia mtn range is where the city of abq sits at its base   i'll drive to the top to immerse myself with pine, grand views and the serenity of nature there   i can't get enough of it... Of those in your collection, what movie have you watched the most times? probably The Lord of the Rings and when i get the Star Wars triology, original and new, it'll be a tie between them 5. Have you ever felt discriminated against?  What about you do you believe led to the discrimination?   first and foremost i must say that color of a person's skin has never mattered to me, so i've dated people of color and had lovers of them first discrimination came from black people on base because i was dating a black man    this was my second experience with racial hatred    i have been discriminated several different times in my life thru my travels, either because of my gender or my race    discrimination is everywhere in every color sadly to say...

Thanks j-landers!

THANKS Everyone for your support today and your comments.  Thanks to Marti who sent me this link    it's useless fun but it made my day today and immediately after work:-)   i got some great laughs with it   so if you need stress relief, i recommend this hip pain did subside but my mood didn't   i was able to walk some of that mood off today in the warm sun and cool breeze   that's why i always loved walking routes   a great way to walk off the stress in lieu of aggravating it while doing a mounted route listening to the vehicle's motor running all day   while walking the wind takes my mind off of things and one does not really have to think while deliverying the mail    i can get some great solitaire in while walking and deliverying mail and get paid for it:-)   thank goodness the boss doesn't know, lol tonight i'm chillin somehow someway   i wanted to hit the dollar movie but i got home too late from work for the early show   maybe manana   not sure how i'll chill tonight, but i just said @#$% it today with life   i realized sunday evening that if it wasn't for my damn depression, my life would be a piece of cake   it was nice remembering me before my illness again   and this journey will my illness really put me through some deep valley lows that i've climbed out of    anyways,  things will get better one way or another come hell or high water   i've been thru both, so i can handle it....i came home and had some cocoa krispies so my mood is better already    i see kathleen monday, my therapist,  she always has the right answers for me   i'm soooo very grateful to have her in my life   i need to talk one more idea regarding school, then i'll know what to do with it in the near future   i didn't turn in one paper for this class and it hurt me BIG TIME on my grade   hopefully i can straighten it out in these last 2 weeks of class   it was just my depression talking AGAIN but i know what to do the next time...if any of you find a lot that has brains for trade out there, please let me know   i'm in search of a new one....LOL    anyways, i'm going to play tonight some   everyone have a great day manana and the remainder of the week....i'll be in touch

p.s.   i found one of my old Science of Mind magazines, so i'll share a thought or two from it.....

On Being Confident             What God is, I am.  Therefore, no matter what challenge I face today, I know the Presence that dwells within me successfully guides my path.  I move forward with confidence, knowing God is my Source.



my damn hip is killin me!   so much i want to scream bloody murder   and i'm grumpy as hell because of it   it's part of the scars left over from breakin my femur in my youth   i think i wrote about it in an earlier entry?   i fell off a cliff in the Azores, Portugal, my first duty assignment in the air force....anyways,  not sure what's causing the pain after this last doctor's visit   the visit was for my disability compensation claim   it was revealed to me that i have a piece of metal in my hip   i need to schedule a regular appointment and have it checked out    if this is causing the pain, then i want it removed   the tip would be from the metal rod they inserted into my femur the first time around that was toooo long   they left that rod in there a year and the bone didn't heal, so therefore another surgery was required-yuk....well almost 30years later, 28 to be exact, i have excruciating pain in that hip often   i woke up with it this morn and often it'll wake me in the middle of the night,,,,,anyways, my mood swing could be from my illness   i've been having them the past couple weeks   this doesn't feel l ike menopausal bitchiness this time    i realized the other night if it wasnt for my illness my life would be 'together' so to speak more so than it is now   i'm going to ask a friend with helping me manage my finances better   when i'm depressed, i go shopping and it's nothing i really need, some of it anyways   it does make me feel better tho   if russ and i get together, i'll turn it over to him and let him give me an allowance , lol   all i know is i need a better grip with this than i've been managing   i've just need to realize how much my blues have intervened on my life   no matter,   i'll survive it all   things could be worse for me and i'm grateful they're not   the other nite's insight really put me in perspective with my life   i could remember that i did have things 'together' so to speak before my illness   sometimes i can't remember crap about me before my illness, but fortunately and eventually it does surface    despite all of it, i'm still grateful for the blessings from my illness   it's frustrating as hell sometimes, but i keep lookin to the positives that has come of, may each of you be blessed with the joys of life, may the sun warm your soul, the wind caress your face, the birds sing their lullabies to you and the scents of nature reach your senses....

Sunday, May 15, 2005


two hearty laughs today
first- Tjnya and I took Tabou to the park she immediately barked at the other people, then hauled butt back to us, really ferocious rottweiler LOL

second - i just turned on espn and they were reviewing the upcoming Star Wars movie after the interview, they said they would "pray for your souls" for those of you in line for tickets......i thought it was funny anways.....maybe i'm tired

Mt St Helens

there's an article in aol news today about Mt St Helens   it was wonderful to read about the experience and the good that has come from it    i experienced the fallout of that eruption back May 1980   i was living in Spokane, WA at the time assigned to Fairchild AFB   my roomie and i had just come in from playing a soccer game and had noticed the black cloud, very black i recall   my first thought it was a storm coming in, so i turned on the tv to watch sports and unwind from the game only for the the 'alert warning' to immediately come on and tell us about the eruption of Mt St Helens and ash fallout coming our way    we were advised to stay inside and that we did for 2-3days before being able to move thru all the ash   it was totally crazy so to speak being out in the ash   like being in a fog of a dust storm is the closest description to it    ash was everywhere and the town was closed down for the initial 3days, some for a week    the base was closed but by the 3rd day we had to report to duty and clean up the base   we didn't do our regular duties for at least a week  it was all cleaning   ash was inside and outside everywhere   cars were immobile due to in being in the engines   but we all survived and lived thru it   it was its own natural disaster   eventually you could see the good from the ash fallout   the soil was better for the farms and all of the land and its plants making them richer in their fruit   and the beauty the artists carved ash into glass was amazing   i wonder if any of that is still around   i haven't been to the volcano in person, but the article reminded me to go there in my next visit to washington   guess i need to plan a 3-4week trip once i retire   not sure my doggies can handle me being gone that long    maybe a 2week trip and i fly up there   so now i know i'm connect to that volcano   Nature's beauty is always awesome no matter how she shows up   it shows she is power over us human beings   she has the last wrath!  (but i don't like tornadoes and i haven't been in a hurricane   floods can be pretty nasty too, been there done that too)

artistic intent

well these are more b&w photos taken in a museum in the very small town of Madrid, NM    it's not far from albuquerque, and on the eastside of the sandia mountains   we sit on the westside   it's considered a ghost town, but it is populated and a quaint place to visit   driving thru this town takes about 5mins or less actually   there they have a museum of its original core for it was a mining town   the photos posted are some of the treasures i discovered   when it comes to my b&w photography i'm always trying to capture light, texture, contrast and mood in the photo   these i was also trying to capture its vintage   i attempt to capture the 'art' of a photograph especially thru b&w since taking a couple b&w photography courses at Boise State Univ years ago   anyways, if i'm not happy with the photos, they are great insights on how i can go back and improve on the photograph    photography really gets my creative juices flowing and is soooo much fun  a never ending pleasure of mine    hope you enjoy the photos....more to come when i dig them all out:-)

Saturday, May 14, 2005

still chillin

well i'm still chillin at midnight   thought i'd post a few more photos i found of the grand canyon, me and my dogs    the photos begin and end with the grand canyon due to how they post them in my album   i couldn't get the last photo placed first, so enjoy   i wanted to show the reds in the grand canyon as it is   so if you've never been to this seventh wonder of the world, i hope these photos tempt you to get there even if it's for an overniter like me initially   the photo after me on the trail is a pic of the trail   it doesn't look like it but i was tryin to capture the incline to it   the other photos of me and my dogs were taken a couple years ago   all but one dog is in these photos   i'll have to search for one of her soon   the pitt is charlie brown, golden retriever is max, and the black labx is jimmy   they are my life treasures who spend all their time with me when not at work....i also pulled out some more b&w photos that i'll post manana   this was just to keep me busy til i got tired tonight   thank goodness it's saturday night.......sweet dreams everyone  g'nite

chillin' time

the night is old, actually turning midnight within an hour and i sit just to reflect and not  my babies lay beside me at my feet   i listen to my music on ACM   mellow is my mood after doing my paper tonight all in one evening   school amazes me actually, or i haven't hit the thick of it yet   is it me, or is school 'easy' nowadays   i keep surprising myself of how less time and effort is needed to do school for me, or i'm not doing it right?   maybe i'm just enjoying it so much it seems effortless and compared to my job it is like nothin   well i'm not going to jump to any conclusions on it just yet   i will wait a few more classes and see how they span out   i'm not a straight A student, but i'm ok with that   B/B+ is usually my average   school was a bit of breeze for me in high school   usually, it was a rare thing for me to take homework home  now i suppose if i did apply myself harder, i could do straight A's but then i'd have alot more gray hairs too  it needs to be fun for me to learn anything  life is meant to be enjoyable   anyhows, i'm chillin right now after my paper and before i go to bed   tomorrow will be another day of doing more homework, some catch up, some for our team paper   if only i could go to school ONLY, i'd be in heaven:-) i took a break from stress and i went and checked out the new Jeep Rubicon   I'M IN LOVE! lol   i had a jeep wrangler a few years ago and i really miss it   i've decided i'll get another Jeep and if i can afford it the Rubicon is for me   i want to 4wheel drive again out in the mountains of colorado and any place i can find in new mexico   i also desire to find those off road places to look for some unique photos to take   i want to drive the Rubicon to alaska and back but as well to other national parks and "wilderness"   and i mean wilderness   my favorite place of all time, aside the grand canyon, is a stretch in the North Cascades in northwest washington state   there is a 75mile stretch of nothing but wilderness and it's gorgeous  there's a main road that ventures through there, but there is no other 'civilization'   no gas, restraunts, hotels/motels, nothing but campgrounds and they are far in between   it's a great place to backpack too   the mountains are awesome   this is where i fell in love with the west   the water is an aqua green it's so pure   and i have yet to travel montana, explored yellowstone much, the grand tetons, and wherever the west may lead me   there's some great back roads in the west too   i'd travel them while i was in idaho to california   idaho is beautiful too   wow, it's been a long time since reminescing these great states   it was triggered by another's journal entry on castles   now where does castles come into all this   well i saw castles in europe in my 20s and this is also when i lived in washington and idaho   i'm gettin home sick   gotta retire   hurry up medical records  all other paper work is waiting for your arrival so i can submit it   a couple more weeks and i should be able to submit it:-)   anyways, any of you that have not been out west, you must visit   granted there is some beauty in the Applachian mountains too, but the west is vast and forever beauty everywhere you look   ok i'm a bit biased i admit, but i've been out west for over 20years now   it's home to me now   i grew up in indiana where the cornfields are....well i'd better stop for now, because i'm in the mood to write all night   so for now i'll check out toby keith and my favorite song of his "american soldier"   GOD BLESS OUR TROOOPS!!  

Friday, May 13, 2005


tonight i got some reassurance which i needed the other night i wrote in this journal regarding Russ and his young worker some of you might have seen it, others not because i deleted it i realized after that entry i was a tidbit jealous of this worker of his from out of the blue it arrived on my doorstep and i had to deal with it it's been over a decade since dating someone and having competition around ....well anyways, i saw Russ tonight at his house and met his worker it wasn't meeting her that reassured me, it was simply his kisses and holding me   he doesn't even know i've been feeling jealous   he was just himself and the kiss and holding was all i needed    this picked me up tremendously  better than chocolate actucally, lol   i realized today i've been moody and depressed for about 2 weeks but haven't been paying too much attention to it until i've gotten tired from work   my bitch: i'm tired of being sick and   i got sick of it months ago....anyways, Russ' kisses will carry me through the night and then some:-) some chillin time for me....take care   have a great day/eve...

affirmation:  On Happiness      I no longer focus my attention on the undesirable circumstance in my life.  Instead, I place my attention on the goodness of God knowing that goodness is God's will for me.  Goodness brings happiness, harmony, and peace.  I now embrace heartfelt happiness, harmony, and peace in all areas of my life.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Balloon Fiesta

ok here it is what i've been dying to show you....these pics are about 15-17yrs old but in still good shape   they are of the Balloon Fiesta held here annually in albuquerque, nm in the month of October   It is the Hot Air Balloon Fiesta where hundreds and hundreds of hot air balloons rise every mornin, weather permitting, to the dawn of the sunrise   this is an amazing experience in all its wonder   thousands of people attending but it's like being on 2 football stadiums so you don't feel the crowd so much   or you're too enthralled in the beauty and music of it all   the music being the aaawwws and oooohhhs and the sound of the air fillin the balloons   i hope these pics give you an idea of this great event   i still love going although i haven't made it every year   when you're down on the field, the sky fills up with all the colors and balloons   when you get to the Bear, it is a hot air balloon   i included a few more special shape balloons that attend also   there is one day set aside called Special Shapes Rodeo   the event lasts for about 10days with mass ascension on weekends   if you're ever in albq, try to come the first weekend of October for this fiesta...ENJOY!

rescue mission

as i sat here tonight reading others' journals, everyone had a hell of a day today except Dona   Dona's journal is Blue Skies...and has a link to a great laugh today to another journal entry   go there if you need a laugh....i needed the laugh after my day today   when it rains it pours  after the nightmare last night, i discovered i was out of money already and i just got paid friday   boy did that tell me how bad i was over the weekend   i haven't spent my paycheck in a couple days in years, actually since my psychosis  i really fell the day boss calls me out on the route and tells me i have a flat tire  O Great!  well they took it to get it fixed and it was nonfixable  there's a whole within one inch of the side therefore it cannot be patched....Russ to the rescue:-)  thank goodness   he came down after work and loaned me the money for a new tire   it was only last week i had used the spare for another tire was slowly leaking and nonfixable   i hadn't had the time to replace the tire, nor did i feel i needed to do so quickly   well while we waited for the tire to be mounted, he took us to dinner   it was good to see him and the food was really good too   Serfino's is the restraunt, a mexican place   one i'd call a hole in the wall because it's not a fancy place, simple with great food at an inexpesive price   you get this humongous plate of food for like $6   it was delicious   company was great too   he's a sweetheart   i need to figure out how to sweep him off his feet before he moves on elsewhere, lol   ...we got the tire and went back and he helped me put it back on   i learned more about changing a tire which i have yet to do  God and Russ were to my rescue today!  Thank you both!   now i'm just gonna chill for a little bit before doing some cleaning which i have yet to do, dagnabbit!    I hope everyone has a better day manana....until then   take care

tuesday mornin confusion

Good mornin yall   it's tuesday morn and my confusion was created out of a bad dream   i made a note on it so i can discuss it with my therapist in a couple weeks   i realized this morn after the dream that i think when i was in the gay life it created more confusion for me adding to the confusion from childhood   in my young adult life, 18-30, i was in the gay life   i thought i was gay, but always questioned it   i dated men initially, but found myself with a woman  anyways, when alone i always questioned as to whether i was gay or not   about the time i was ready to date men again, my illness took hold   so i didn't date for a decade and then started dating men   i'm not confused anymore as to my sexuality, but sometimes i have this re-occuring dream which i won't go into details because it would take another whole entry   it relates to me being 'gay' sorta, but i know that is not Truth for me anymore   i've never been happier with a guy than i ever was in the gay life   i just wasn't happy there   i knew this years ago before my illness   now i can just be karen and not have that expected 'role' put upon anyways, i really didn't begin this entry to indulge into that   i'm happier now than i've ever been in life   ...what this entry is for i wanted to share something from a book i've been reading a bit , Courage  The Joy of Living Dangerously, by Osho   i don't know who Osho is but i picked this book up in our church bookstore   his introductory totally blew me away and i thought this guy was crazy, but as i've dived into the book he has some great insights    here is a tidbit which i really love:

"The way of the heart is the way of courage.  It is to live in insecurity; it is to live in love, and trust; it is to move in the unknown.  It is leaving the past and allowing the future to be.  Courage is to move on dangerous paths......Heart is the future; heart is always the hope, heart is always  somewhere in the future. Head thinks about the past; heart dreams about the future.....My responsibility is toward my heart, not toward anybody else in the world.  So is your responsibility only toward your own being."

what igot out of that was to live with your heart   allow your heart to be your guide and direction    for the heart always knows the 'right' path for each of us individually   if i listen to my heart in lieu of analyzing everything, i'll know the answers   it is my head, analyzing, that gets me into trouble   the heart is the soul, your spirit connected to the one Spirit (God) who guides you   so this tells me to listen to my Heart!    how simple this is   ....this book is more than i thought   i'm glad i picked it up:-)

affirmation for the day:   On Living in the Present

I live in the urrent moment, releasing the past to its place in memory and focusing on today, fresh and new.  Now is all there is.  I recognize the goodness of God in the now moment and rejoice.  I accept the many blessings of each moment as I live it.

Sunday, May 8, 2005

more photos...

hey everyone,  a few more photos i wanted to share for now   #1 is my friend Tjnya and Tabou @ 7weeks old   #2 is me and Tabou about 12wks old  #3 are the Montyoa-Martinez twins  the one on the left is spitting image of her mom & grandpa  the one on the right is the spittin image of her father   they are twins born on my postal route a couple months ago  #4/5 are photos of kris' bush another customer of mine  i thought it had photography potential and i was trying to capture the color and delicacy of nature....well i just got angry with my dogs   one of them chewed on the 8x10 photo i had matted ready to give to my therapist   this is a chapter for 'murder she wrote' which my dogs do write from time to time  fortunately i have another photo and the mat is inexpensive at walmart     i love my kids, but they are kids/dogs   means i must go to walmart tonight anyways   i was already to chill in the house tonight and get some things done like ripping up some carpet tonight.  well i'll be awake for awhile   let me get to the store for i need a business envelope also...or i can wait til tomorrow evening   i go to the VA tuesday too....grrrrrr!   o well life is better   dont' think i'll drop college afterall, but i realized i needed to let go the class at church at least   this last week has been an eye opener for me....anyways, btw, my gap in my teeth is temporary   working on the 5k to fix that bridge, lol   well hope all is well with all my j-landers   take care   more soon...

Saturday, May 7, 2005

Black&White Photos

Ok guys   this is the last set of photos for tonight   these are black&white so don't change your dial   i love black & white photography   i'm a big Ansel Adams fan every since i saw some of his actual photos in a musuem display   (i also happened to be taking a b&w photo class at Boise State Univ)  anyways, if you ever get the chance to see some of his photos, please do   each and every one i saw took my breath away again, again & again   i'd love to be the next Ansel, but i have quite a ways to go   ok, photo #1 is from Bandelier Nat'l Park   this park is near Santa Fe about 1 1/2hours from my house  i'll include a series on that park later with more photos   it is an ancient ruin site and the ancient ones lived in caves and other adobe made homes    more on that later #2  is spring budding  #3 daises i believe & #4 a tree atop the Sandia Mtn which our city sits at its base  Tj liked that photo so i included it.....honestly i think all my photos look better in print than on here, but i hope you can get an idea anyways   i'm just sooo critical of my photography so i'm not one to be judging   anyways, i'm happy with them all   it's getting to be the hobby i've always wanted to be   eventually i'll take more photography classes for tips on improving my photos   i enjoy it with a passion   only reading comes second to it...ok i need to chill some more tonight with other things   take care  God bless!

Grand Canyon #2

O righty then!   i've found a new toy:-)    i'm sooooooo happy!   i went to kinko's this morn not thinking i had a scan on my new printer   so i've been scanning my photos and here are a few more of the grand canyon   photo #1 is actually sunrise at the GC.  #2 is the gc after the sun has risen  it gets hazey quick once the sun is up at the canyon  #3 is another blue gc before sunset...more photos to come. this is exciting   i love photography and with this pics from a regular 35mm camera and film, i can see how digital photography would be better on the computer   maybe down the road i'll get that digital camera, but right now i love the traditional film quality of photos for printing   life is sooo exciting right i reluctantly decided to drop college for the moment   it's like a part-time job even though i love it  i work 6days a week at the p.o. therefore only having sundays off   that only gives me one day for cleaning, yard work, laundry, shopping, church and any funtime i desire to have   too much work and very little play is not a balance   i will however be back in school once i retire which i'm working on the paperwork at this moment   now i can enjoy school, my photography, dates with Russ-the new guy in my life, and church as well as the dozen or more books for pleasure reading to do   also i have home projects like painting, landscaping, building a dog run and a new gate for my fence and other stuff to do   but most of all, i'm hittin' the road jack   i'm going to start taking saturday overniters in other areas of new mexico and the borders of arizona and colorado   there's so much i need to catch up in my travels for i have done so little since my illness began over a decade ago   now i'm healthy and happy and ready to roll    and i love that i've discovered this photo stuff in my journal   means i can share my adventures with all of you this summer   in the meantime, i'm going to dig up some 'old' photos if i can find them of our Balloon Fiesta which takes place in October   Up to 1000 hot air balloons have participated in the 10day fiesta held annually    it's just awesome and beautiful!   i'm ready to share new mexico and its beauty with everyone!...anyways,  more photos on the way:-)  I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY!

photo # 1

well, here is my first photo installed   i guess i'm going to need Dona's help anyways on how to input photos into my journal-yikes!   anyways,  i call this Blue Grand Canyon   i took this shot about a half hour before sunset   it was a cloudy day too but i liked the mood this shot portrays...i hope you enjoy it while i figure out how to do this would be better viewed if you use the 'view larger' tab....more soon   take care

Friday, May 6, 2005

Prayer Request

Life is not fair   today i found out one of my co-workers is headed back to serve in iraq   he's a marine reservist and served on the front line when the war first started   he lived and returned home as did 4 other co-workers who served in iraq also   he's a young guy, married with one 3yr old daughter and his wife is expecting twins this october   he goes back to active duty the 16th of this month and leaves for iraq the first week of june  he'll be gone 8months to a year   i'm not catholic, but i bought him a St Christopher's pendant to carry him through   he is catholic  God is with our troops and they all need protection   i request we all say a prayer for him , his family and all our troops   i'm lighting a candle every night until he returns home   he will be in my prayers too...with this, i'll be looking at the daily news regarding iraq again until i know he's safe   i look now, but not daily   and sometimes i need a break from it too   anyways, i'll know soon exactly where he is in iraq and can look specifically for news regarding that particular area   May God bring all our soldiers home, preferably safe and sound....God bless!

Thursday, May 5, 2005

for those who'd like to know, the website i found my friend on is   i've been very happy all day today since finding my friend   i'm still in shock a bit  she was my best bud back in the late 70s and early 80s until i left washington state traveling around the world a bit   i've always thought of her ever since losing contact and still missed her sorely   words cannot express my happiness  ...and yes, i think if you lost a friend as i did her, i'm pretty confident you can find your lost friends or family for that matter   ....i'm going to try and find some other friends and comrades i knew while i was stationed in the air force at fairchild afb, wa just outside of spokane, wa.   i wish all of you the best of luck in finding lost friends or family   i'm going to be emailing val daily for awhile until we get caught up and then some  back then we always talked about everything   we are both very happy with the reunion   and she's still with her 'wife' now for 27yrs now   yes they are gay but that doesn't matter to me   people are people are people....more soon   take care everyone

affirmation - On Spirit Within    I am never alone.  Infintie Spirit is with me and upholds me in every situation.  Spirit guides me through every experience and inspires me from within in everything I say and do.  I am loving and loved child of God.  Spirit working through me meets every need.  I am inspried, directed, protected, and uplifted by God within.

Wednesday, May 4, 2005

Thank U Donna in Texas!

THANK YOU DONNA!  for that zabasearch website!  The good that came out of it for me tonight was finding a lost friend:-)  I haven't talked to her in about 17yrs and i lost touch with her all together 15yrs ago.  I FOUND HER on this website!  I'M ECSTATIC!  her phone number was listed and we talked for an hour and half!   I CAN'T BELIEVE IT   I FOUND HER!!  i didn't think i'd ever see her or talk to her or know where she was or anything again.   This is AWESOME!!!! words can describe how i feel....thanks again!    tears of joy roll....

Tuesday, May 3, 2005

5 Gifts of Abundance

i went to the next church class tonight    i had no idea whether i'd be making it to another after tonight, but i went anyways   it is more teachings of what we need to practice in order to create abundance in our lives   this week topic: Gratitude   i have much to be thankful for but haven't been in gratitude lately   i'm hoping if i shift to this perspective, my life will be more peaceful for me   not sure   today i've been angry all day and just don't know why   anger and gratitude don't go together   so i'll ease into the warmth of my bed with my kids beside me and sleep on it    it rained this afternoon and is still doing so right now   it's a spring rain, only a bit cool yet smelling very refreshing as though life, earth, and our souls are given a new beginning   a cleanse of the old and onto the new  i love with the air smells sooo fresh with moisture almost like the mornin dew   thank you God for the rain today!  cleanse my soul so i know what you have in store for me around the corner   as the flowers blossom, may my soul and spirit do the same   life awaits me and i must immerse myself again   i know God will show me the how as i figure out the what......

may the sun shine on you brightly, may the wind caress your face, may all your days be full of love,  and may you know you are God's proudest joy! (c)karengoins



Monday, May 2, 2005


Rev Jennie taught a service on change just a couple weeks ago   Tears flowed as i recognized her change as she shared her story   i've been going thru change or the need for it the past several months   as i'm cleaning my bedroom and taking up remenants left from the carpet, i realized change is happening now and must continue   my pace is slowing for me whether i desire for it to do so or not   i have a tough time having the energy for 40hrs of work a week let alone 60hrs which i need to put in    i know it can't just be work for me all the time, i need other things and people in my life   i do have that, yet now where is the balance   one change i recognize coming into my life is having a partner in my life   that's been tooo long and not the right relationships before    i realize today a relationship is needed or i must make other changes in order to take care of me and my kids   mostly, having another there for me besides my dogs will be a major adjustment for me    me and my damn independence    maybe it's not the independence but maybe the true core is not having anyone in my life to depend except for one relationship a very looong time ago   a couple decades matter of fact   my family was not (and still isn't) dependable before i graduated high school and left   the ones i do depend on right now are my therapist and psychriatrist   other than the one relationship decades ago, i've depended on myself   i'm just waking up to this fact    interesting    anyways, it's not that i haven't wanted to depend on someone at least a little, no one's been there is all    maybe one day in the future, sooner than later...anyways, these are the thoughts i contemplate at the moment   Change is here and more to arrive soon   this is a good thing for me   now that i recognize this, i can direct some of its course   not sure of all the answers , but soon some will arrive at my doorstep    Change is good!


Sunday, May 1, 2005

my kids

i swear that my kids have esp now    realizing had the blues this morn after the first entry of the day, i had gone out for a chocolate fix: chocolate milk, chocalete eclair, chocolated frosted donut    while devouring the donuts and milk i found a couple yards sales  got a shirt for a buck and 5 books at 50c a piece  one included moby dick which i have yet to read   laterz in between school...anyhow , i come home and wlak in the door   i have NOT mentioned to my kids about their walk  nor have i gone to the top of the frig for the leash which they know is up there   anyways, they start carrying on like we're headed for a walk   i'm asking myself how do they know?  it's gotta be ESP!   so  i got the water and off we went   we had a great time!  of course, i know they enjoyed it far more than i did, but that's debatable   i treasure these moments with them while they are soooo enjoying themselves just running free and no leashes   it's upon the plateau down the road behind the petroglyphs   the petroglyphs being the writins on the rocks left by the ancient ones  anyways my 2 youngest were so funny today   they were worn out within 20mins   they had been running up and down beside me anyways when they saw a rabbitt   hard fast left and they were off and i'm going O NO!   so the chase was on  them the rabbit and me them   fortunately the rabbit escaped and they lost the trail rather quickly   then it was a rest in the shade for a few moments  and charlie is sooo beautiful to watch   he is nothing but lean and nice and all muscle   you see every muscle move as he runs like the grace of a lion chasing its meal for the day   charlie is just a beautiful pitt   handsome little guy, ok not so little    he wore hisself out so quick he was walkin beside me as though i had taught him to heal   sometime soon thereafter he got a second wind and was off chasing rabbits and birds again   fortunately he didn't bring any home with him although he did find a partial rabbit and wanted to keep it   reminded me of when i lived in the mtns and my dogs then brought all kinds of nature home with them   thank goodness charlie dropped this rabbit and left it in the wild  these are the treasures i cherish more than anything materialistical   you just can't buy them    and charlie rode in the back of the truck on the way home and did very well   i used to have a truck with a shell   my current one doesn't have one and today was the first time i let charlie ride back there   he was tied down a bit which at least hinted he couldn't jump out and take off somewhere   he really is a great kid despite marking his territory in the house and doing his houdini act over my fence    today my kids nurtured me and my blues   before the chocalate fix, i laid down with them in our queen size bed and snuggled up with them   this is the best nourishment for me when i'm blue   i can cuddle with them anytime, anyplace whenever i feel the need or not    thank God for creating our best friends!:-)!    in the meantime, i'm working on some pics of them to post in here....take care....God bless!            they are out like a light, dreaming sweet dreams:-)

Cloudy day

listening to some old fashion church music on BIG I 107.9    it's on every sunday morn and i haven't heard this song in a very loooong time    although a religious science person now, i still enjoy some good old fashion church music   it's still in my spirit since childhood and some of the messages still ring true   even at our church we'll sing some of those songs on occasion   one thing Rev Patrick had asked us in our foundations class was not to denounce other churches or religions, for if not for them we wouldn't be where we are today   i agree whole heartedly and had already decided that years ago when i first explored metaphysics   there is good in all religions and beliefs and we are all headed to the same place, Oneness with God  here and now and the hereafter, Heaven!...........anyways, this note was to get me rolling on some positive thinking today and move my mind from the forementioned paper (person in paper really)    i remembered i had forgotten to tell you i got my new dishes the other day   they arrived rather quickly   ordered from the National Wildlife Federation, they are wolves!   on each and every item   and i didn't get those tea cups but rather true coffee mugs :-)   i'm soooo happy!   i have wolves as the theme to my living room and soon will be adding a touch of other wildlife too   it is a set of 4 and will order another set in the future to replace the remainder of the odd pieces of dishes i have    anyways,  life is pretty good!   and yesterday i went to get a big mac and came home to re-discover the growth my cacti have been doing this year    i planted them last year, near the fall i believe, and they are sprouting immensely   my front yard is xeriscaped with rocks and i wanted to get a desert look out there   rock xeriscaping is the norm down here   a combo of too much soon on the grass and just not wanting to do yard work   mine was already in place when i bought this house 4 1/2yrs ago   i got my cacti free from a customer who had done their front yard   i asked where did you get the cacti and they replied from dad's ranch  so Theresa did some clippings for me   there are some benefits from having your own postal route besides great customers   anyhow,  i'm sitting here chillin as i like to do sunday morns with a cup of my starbucks coffee  if i get motivated, i'm taking my dogs for their 'walk'   they run, i walk   it's been awhile and they need it   i have tons to do today-ugh!   need to do my portion of the team paper for class, do homework for my church class, clean house, clean yard, and do laundry as a minimum today   not enough time in a day   i do really want to take the kids for their run   it's cloudy out right now and i'm sure rather cool    i'll chill for a little while longer and then get started with my day    first i'll start off with the affirmation of the day, needing it for myself

On Spiritual Inspiration    I know that Universal Intelligence is ever available to me.  I surrender to new possibilities and open to the "still small voice within" for my inspiration.  Spirit knows all, and I am one with the all-knowing Spirit that resides within me.  I truly am spiritually inspired.