wonderful spring morn

it is a wonderful spring morn   i stepped out to the car this morn and it is fresh spring air, mountain air in the breeze   you can smell it, feel it caressing your soul   telling you to go for a hike, which i may do   but i must take jimmy for some shot updates this morn   while i'm away for the weekend, he'll be in the kennel and getting groomed which includes his nails trimmed that's long overdue   he'll be so perty when i return   then once back, i'll be picking up Tabou i learned yesterday   i'm pretty sure she'll be mine permanently but i'm giving Tjnya some time to find a place once she's in Illinois    she leaves in a couple weeks   i'm going to miss her, but we can stay in touch by phone   plus i may head back that way around july 4th   i have several friends long distant and out of this state   we stay in touch despite the years apart   but Tjnya is returning to rural america   she grew up in a rural town, but for some reason i thought she was a city girl   well it explains her hermit self at times   i hope she is happy in her new home   i'm sure she'll be fine   the major adjustment will be not having any of her sons around anymore   she's give her oldest the boot as she moves    it must be the time for all kids to get out of the house for my sister is giving her eldest daughter the boot as well    with the blessing of my retirement funds i'm assisting both these kids with their transportation problems   boy for someone who never gave birth to any kids, i sure do have plenty which include kyle, my nieces and their children and Tjnya's two boys whom i call my 'other' sons    never knew parenthood until recently   i applaud all you parents out there and admire your strength and courage to raise your kids   i've always been concerned about the welfare of our youth, but now with the true experience of parenthood under my belt i'm just that more concerned   we definitely make a difference in the shaping of their lives   how i really didn't know all this until kyle came along   God Bless kyle and all our youth  gotta love 'em ...thank you for teaching me!

out of my mind...back in 5 mins

now this slogan i found on a decal yesterday and i bought it for my car   i immediately laughed hilariously and thought of my illness   feeling insane at times like yesterday made this decal perfect for me   i text this slogan to Cindy and it drove her crazy   so i'll use this to share insanity with people...lol    what an adventure it is    i've been feeling really confused the past couple days   the Course of Miracles class is stirring up confusion for me   the feeling is the confusion created from my psychosis and i don't like that feeling   i was even contemplating dropping the class until i talked with M yesterday    everything she said made sooo much sense   we will never know it all when it comes to spirituality she says (or somethng like it)   it's ok to be confused  i had much confusion once out of psychosis especially concerning spirituality   this Course is stirring it up   so after simple thinking of what M had to say, i decided to accept my confused self   that this is simply part of life and part of who i am now   maybe one day the confusion will clear up   but for now it is here   i accept it   i love it   i am it   i cannot put into words the feeling of this confusion, i just call it insanity   with all my spiritual learning both traditional and new age, new thought, metaphysical, my confusion and my illness makes me realize how much truly my illness is a gift   again words fall short in conveying what's inside of me   but hey, we only live life once and i'm not going to get bogged down with this   i even decided i am an Enigma and went and had a license plate made with this word   put it on the front of my car    i am unexplainable  maybe life is really unexplainable after all too   now is the time for Joy, much of it and that's what i'm going to do...i even bought another camera yesterday   a Nikon N75 film camera    i went to buy a bag and inquired about the N80  i learned Nikon has discontinued all film camera so i swiped up what was available   i needed to upgrade my film camera   i'm still a traditionalist when it comes to cameras   much rather have film  but now i have digital too    and i get to use them this weekend on a road trip   Cindy and I are going south   headed to Carlsbad Caverns and White Sands Nat'l Parks    we both are overdue for getting out of Dodge   can't remember the last time i took a trip except maybe a year ago this time   i'm looking forward to it mucho   while there, Jimmy will be at the kennel getting groomed   i've never thought of getting him groomed until recently   inquirying about this kennel they asked if i'd like him groomed   i said most definitely!   so we'll all have a great weekend   leaving saturday and coming back monday   i probably should take some shorts for it's definitely warmer down south    anyways   i can hardly wait!...

e-tellers

yikes!   went to the bank for Marlo (tjnya's son) and met e-tellers   what the hell?   didn't talk with a teller in person   talked to her through a tv   we are definitely headed to the I, Robot scenario as our future   no more having a person to communicate with, just computers, technology and whatever else ...i don't like this future outlook!   have any of you met an e-teller yet?    but then again, abq is about a decade behind everyone else   you've probably had them for awhile...

such is the morn, all purple in hue  waking quietly as the sun rises   the birds will be singing soon and it'll be another gorgeous day   i sit quietly, well with some music playing on the radio, reading my mail and ordering books from Ramtha online   the shopping was wonderful   i'm finally able to sit and read Ramtha without a triggered psychotic memory   Ramtha is my favorite spiritual master   probably always will be   but he is also very powerful and i must tread lightly right now   i find strength and peace in a moment when i think of him   i look forward to more reading and learning from Ramtha, but for now i will focus on my church's teachings   they are similar teachings to Ramtha, just a trite different in perspective   however i remember Spirit it doesn't matter   but i remember and know Spirit is with me always   only the past couple days have i realized again and again and again that Spirit is with me no matter what   my illness reminds me constantly now   i am comforted by Spirit in my most dire moments   there is nothing like it...

mornin'...

mornin everyone   tis sunday morn and i'm having my coffee and back on the computer   i've been catching up on everyone's journal this morn   still have a few to do so, but will complete that in a moment   while reading Dona's journal this morn, i remembered i recently discovered what kind of dog my Jimmy boy is   he isn't black lab cross as i initially thought   while on a hike last week, we came across some women, one who said Jimmy was a Bernese Mountain Dog   i never heard of such a dog   so inquisitive as i am, i went to the library and looked him up   yep sure enough, he's a Bernese but without the white tips as pictured   he even resembled a little like a Newfoundland   maybe he's crossed with these 2 breeds    well it doesn't really matter   hasn't for all the 6years i've had him, but it's nice to know what he is now besides my big lovable lap dog  soon i'll be taking him for his first grooming   some of his hair has gotten sooo long and wild he needs a trim   he also needs his nails trimmed   this should be an adventure  i wonder how the groomers will handle him for he doesn't even let me look for ticks without squirming all around   but he's a lot of fun   he had his own pillow fight just the other nite   such joy and laughter i get when he's playing...

in the meantime, today is a day i'm staying home    the past 3 days i've been running around paying bills, shopping and getting my dental work accomplished   although i'd love to attend church this morn, i'm even passing on that  (besides there's lots of construction going on around the church)   anyways,  today i'm resting   plus i can get my house cleaned up   i may run to the grocery store, but that'll be a short rendezvous  and besides i'm still a little swollen from the dental work   i think sleeping slows down the process of it disappearing   or so it seems when taking my nap yesterday and my good nites rest   so i'm hoping it finally wears off today and my upper lip will be 'normal' again  ...plus today i can play on my computer today   get to know it   and maybe i'll pull out my camera and begin knowing it too   plenty to do at home today, but will take my damn time about it   the discomfort from the dental work is still there   last nite i went to the women's basketball but only stayed for about 45mins   came home and finished watching the games on tv   fell asleep early and didn't complete the second game   didn't realize my dental work wood wear me out sooo much yesterday   but i'm fine, just must be patient with the remainder of the swelling   ...anyways, it's a good day to stay at home   ....

now, i'm off to finish reading everyone's journal    it's great to be back    cya soon...

alas, a new pc & more...

hello everyone...alas, i'm on my new computer   bought just yesterday   my retirement funds arrived on thursday and i've been shoppin'    (well  i also paid some bills)   finally i can be on my computer everyday startin with the morn and a fresh cup of coffee   i've sooo missed having easy access to a computer   i bought another notebook, hewlet packard    real nice, real fast   got plenty of gigs and memory for photos   i also bought me a new camera, Nikon D50 pixel 6.1 digital camera   picked up a printer for it and a couple lens as well   i'm ready to play!   and i'll be playing guitar too   going to take guitar lessons starting soon   ready to strum and sing off key a little   something i can enjoy and exercise my memory bank    Life is Good!    but for the moment i am a little sore, my lip and face that is    this morn i went in and began my dental work   got started on my bridge   currently have a temp bridge in now and it looks great   but they had to give me extra shots to finish the prep work and i'm all swollen & numb still after 4hrs   it's wearing off, but it's slower than molasses   so i sit quietly right now until another hour where i'll be off to The Pit to see NCAA Women's Sweet 16 basketball   it's here in albuquerque, becoming almost an annual event these past few years   thanks to our Lady Lobos and their successful seasons for years now, we host some of the tournament   our Lady Lobos have successfully been in the tournament for several years now going as far as a sweet 16    it's exciting for us here in town....so for now i'll sign off    i'll return in the morn and hopefully i'll be feeling a little better   not too bad right now, just a little discomfort    take care   cya soon

hey!

i'm still around and still at the library   my state tax return still has not surfaced  i pray it arrives soon   but in the meantime, i learned i have far more money in my retirement fund than i knew   therefore once i receive that lump sum, i'm purchasing a new laptop altogether   matter of fact Cindy and I were at Best Buy last nite and we spent a tad of my money which isn't here yet    we found me a great computer laptop and while walking around the remainder of the store i found my new camera   it's a Canon Digital pixel 8 i think with lenses available    God am I going to have fun!   i was going to purchase the Nikon N80, a SLR film camera, but decided to go ahead with the digital purchase instead    this way i can shoot photos galore and download them to share with all of you   so once my money arrives i'm off to Best Buy with Cindy again   the jackpot arrives within 2 weeks   but even before those toys, my first and foremost stop is at the dentist's office    i can finally get all of my dental work completed including replacing my bridge   so i'm ecstatic with my retirement funds being so bountiful for the moment   most of it will go into savings and the remainder will be for bills and a much needed vacation or two    i'll also be immediately enrolling into school again   i now can truly pursue my dreams    Life is Good right now!

in the meantime,  kyle is in the Army now   he'll be at Ft Leonardwood for 3-4weeks in lieu of 10days as the recruiters informed him    then he'll be off to Hawaii    I'm thinking it might be a good thing for me to visit him this year sometime instead of next    he got under my skin in a very good way    it's been a very long time since i emotionally invested into someone and i didn't even know i was doing it with him   i just feel that need to watch out for him now and it may be just what he needs   i know he'll be fine in the Army, but i desire to continue let him know i'm here for him if needed   he's a good kid and i truly want the best for him    anyways,  i miss him and was a little down for a few days after he left   i had no idea i would experience that with him   Life does have its own course for you sometimes....

anyways,  i'm beginning to finally adjust to retirement, on my own    it's a different adjustment yet good    i've discovered i can't stay inside all day    the weather has been really cold and we even got our true first snowfall this year    how people stay inside all day is beyond me at the moment, but i also realized i have been spoiled with being outside for 20yrs     not only do i need the exercise outside, i need the fresh air to clear my mind and put me at peace   and now that the weather is back up to 60 degrees, Jimmy and I are on the trails again    i will be out at least 2-3hrs every other day, if not every day, 5 days a week   it's a beautiful day today and i have yet to get there   soon very soon....

well for now i'll sign off   i must finish going thru some of my email   i'll also be back to catch up on everyone's journal on a daily visit to the library     i miss all of you and having my own computer at home    i'll see you soon again....take care

alas, i'm able to get on aol    i'm at the library again and initially it was like internet explorer was not working properly   i was trying to do kyle's taxes and it too kept showing 'page cannot be displayed'   but i am here for a moment   a bit tired, but breathing   in a couple days kyle will be shipping out for active duty Army   his time has arrived finally   i worry as to whether he'll do alright there, but i'm saying my prayers he'll make it through   i only recently recognized he has some confusion to work out, but time will take care of it, or at least most   i hope he recognizes one day that this is one of the best things he has done for himself in life   i hope he gets more out of the military than i did and i gained much    he still desires to go to Iraq, but maybe life will take care of that too   i support him no matter what his decision   for now, he'll be going to Hawaii via Ft Leonardwood for processing   he's suppose to be in Hawaii for 3yrs   maybe he'll make the military a career   it will all come down to how he is shaped by the Army as well as his own personal growth   he'll find himself regardless and know eventually what direction he desires in life   for now i just want him to enjoy himself   God only knows what's before him    ....in the meantime, i'm wrapping up one class at church this thursday and will begin another today    thursday i wrap up Self Mastery, today i begin again A Course in Miracles   right now in this moment i'd love to take a hike   Jimmy and I need one yesterday   it's been a week since we've been out   for one reason or another we haven't been able to hit those trails   class is noon-1:30   once it's over, we'll be in the mountains   i need the fresh air, the solitude so badly at the moment   only a few hours away ...

another crash!

my computer has crashed on me again   i'm at the library again just to make a quick note   i'll finally get my first retirement check within 3-5days and will get my puter fixed then   in the meantime, i'll drop in over here   it's nice and quiet, just what i need right now   kyle leaves this next thursday, 9mar06 then i'll have more quiet time at the house   also i discovered i'll definitely be getting Tabou within about a month   the more the merrier and i think Jimmy could use the companionship    not that he doesn't have it right now, but i can tell when we hike that he misses all his other buddies   hopefully Tabou and him will play often   she's only a year old and should have some puppy play left in her  one of the recent hikes last week, Jimmy played with another dog while we everyone was sitting and relaxing    in the meantime, i'm still working on the disability package  Tjnya will assist me today   i definitely need the disability income i learned today, or i'll have to return to work at least part-time in the near future   so i'll be saying my prayers and know all will turn out as it should...well i'm running out of time here, so i'll drop in again soon   the past couple days have been very stressful and i need to relax some more   going to have a shot of that whiskey too..cya soon   take care