happy halloween!

lions, tigers & bears, O my   halloween  always a day to remember The Wizard of Oz   maybe i can find it showing on tv tonite   anyways, i'll be at M's house handing out candy with her   we'll catch up from the past month   it'll be great to see her   think i'll take my photo printer and print some photos she liked from the fall foliage ...anyways, this entry is more about my thoughts on my son at the moment   i talked to him the other day   he's ready to get out of the Army already (when his 3yrs are up)   i sent him an email to write and talk to me   i'm curious as to why the decision already when he hasn't been in there a year   hopefully he'll write   and i was thinking of sending him Why Courage Matters by John McClain   it is about courage in the midst of war experienced by everyone differently   hopefully he would read it while in iraq   i'm just not sure he'll read it at all   i sit here sensing his need to talk, yet i'm far away   i know he will talk to me, but from such distance?    i wonder if he's talking to his buddies at all or if he's hanging out by himself    he was just hanging out the other day, seemingly by himself   i worry about him a little right now, that will increase once he's in iraq    i know, as he has admitted, he's a mama's boy, but i was hoping he'd find a father figure he could learn from   i have no clue if it will happen   his father abandoned him when he was an infant   come to think of it, i'm not sure he's had any male role models in his life...anyways, regardless if he stays in the army or gets out in 3yrs, i want to be there for him    i was hoping to go see him before he left for iraq, but i learned yesterday that my back lump sum pay from social security won't show up for up to another 90days    if i get lucky and it shows up by the end of the month, maybe i can still go   i'll see   i'll say a prayer and let Spirit do the work   if it's meant to be, so it will be    in the meantime, i need to get his new address and write him more letters, i just started last week   i'm more prone to call him than write, but i realized ican say more in a letter than a short phone call    may Spirit watch out for him and carry him thru his military service time   may he come home safely and alive   i love him very much...

wine for dinner

ok i had a sandwich too, but the wine was the main course for the evening    again a ballgame on (tv muted) while listening to some jazz   think this will become a saturday nite ritual, just add a glass of wine to the atmosphere   i read very briefly Conversations with God book 2  one chapter actually   think i've had enough spiritual grounding and enlightenment for a week, a day    went a to a class this morn for church   was suppose to stay the day, but left in the midst of it    i've spent too much time at the church lately and i'm back there manana   i'm going to take most of next week off    here i am retired and spending as much time at church as i did at the p.o., or so it seems and feels    too much   i wanna have fun right now   dont get me wrong, i enjoy my volunteer work, but i don't want to become a church addict as some people are there   at the moment i'm wishing my bike was not in the shop again-yep it's there again dammit   but anyways, it'll be all fixed by the end of the month, then come next spring i'm buying my new bike   i made a decision, pretty much, on a Suzuki Boulevard 1400    anyways, once i get that bike i'm on a road trip at least every other weekend, if not every weekend   right now i'm wearing myself out and don't want to do that   so i'll keep changing gears til i get in the right one   i remember this week, Life is to be enJOYed, not chained to any one thing or person for that matter   seek and i will find    tonite while sipping wine, i was even thinking of finding me another date    i haven't given this much thought for at least 2yrs, maybe 3 now   i've lost track, but i'm ready for another change, maybe a date wood be a good direction   for awhile i've been hoping to meet someone at church, but now i'm rethinking that   only time will tell   in the meantime, hurry up and fix my bike!

a letter...

good mornin' my friend   i woke this morn feelin a little warm fuzzies   not as strong as last saturday's but good   so i made coffee and dove into Conversations with God again this morn   as i read, i contempated   i'd take a break and other thoughts came thru me while thinking of you and our recent conversations (financial and other topics)    anyways these are some of my thoughts    first my frustration with the other office angels (volunteers)   actually i recognize they're doing what they can, just some better than others   i haven't been comfortable with the idea that some have unconsciously appointed me their "leader", but Sandy said i did that myself by coming in there and always finding something to do (which i do)   i just wanted to volunteer, not become "leader" but maybe that is what i'm suppose to do there   i haven't been in a leadership position per se in years, 20plus, and have been avoiding that    mostly i'm just being me   i've always taken initiative about things since i was a kid   it's an unconscious habit and i don't even know i'm doing it half the time   anyways, i recognized again this morn that everyone is different, different in their nature of being and i'm going to continue being me even if it's being "leader"   humble myself and accept that part of me  give of myself what i can   and humble myself in relation to my family is what i think i need to do   every experience this week, i was asking maybe i need to stay in the thick of Life in order to continue growth even if it makes me uncomfortable at times   Goodness, life is changing again for me   i desire to live as a loving individual and i'm not always so   humility is a good teacher to me although i don't always welcome it   not sure what came over me this week, but i feel more spiritually connected this week and that i've been away for some time   it's probably only been a few months, but that's too long   maybe it hasn't been a few months, maybe just a few weeks, but i recognized i have to sit and sort things out from time to time and i haven't done that in a little while    i guess this is part of the journey that i need to enjoy   i've been on a rigid journey for 20yrs at the p.o., now life is opening up   there is more to it all which i've known but unable to experience fullly   working at the p.o. was truly an experience of survival, now i'm in the experience of Living    goodness, there is only God and the expression there of   it's overwhelming sometimes, yet so simple...my brain is in overload, i go back to my book   i recognize now i can take one step at a time in lieu of one giant step all the time  the pages of my life will write itself as i direct my own course   ...Life is Good again.......hugz~k 

missing

yesterday i went lookin in my closet for a particular sweatshirt i thought sure i had   well it wasn't there   i thought ok, maybe i didn't have it or my son took it    well back in the closet today lookin for another sweatshirt   it's missing too    since my son was here and left, i've been missing clothes, music and books    is this what kids are for....LOL

O goodness!

it's gonna be an adventure when i return to Ohio in december   i just talked to one of my nieces i haven't seen in 20yrs, she's 27 now and has a baby girl   Goodness   it's been over a dozen years since being in Ohio and the last time this niece and her mother weren't around   her mother, my older sister, and i have not been in touch   she hasn't wanted to be in touch with me for whatever reasons   no problem here   it's clearly going to be interesting when i get there    maybe i'll meet the nephew i never met either before he ships out to the Army   Life, you never know what its compass is....i will sail my vessel (garth brooks)

went shoppin'

went shoppin' today with no money    good tiime to go shoppin    i woke up with the blues, part illness part life    so i went to the mall    i went into about 3 stores, then sat and people watched while having a pretzel and water    anyways, i haven't people watched in a very long time   all shapes and sizes and attire    there were teens there, there were everyone there   a daughter-mom combo walkin the mall numerous times i guess getting in their exercise   i saw them loop at least a half a dozen times   odd couples, cute couples   people watchin did me more good than shoppin'   a good change for the week ...but also, i don't think i told you that i had 3teeth pulled this last monday   had an infection, they  had to go   one was really a root tip from a previous broken tooth   so it's been no straws or sodas for a week -with no straws i didn't ask about smokin'   anyways, i called the dentist's office to see if i could at least have a soda already   gotta have my daily coke and i've been a good girl and have done without all week   she said coke was fine, but still no straws    i've been wanting a cigarette all week   maybe next week    i have a follow-up apptmnt on monday, maybe i'll get the ok for straws then    we'll see   i'm all stitched up, so that factor may play into a cigarette   all in due time    once home i took a nap  i feel a little better    now the debate as to whether attend a church meeting manana   all the history data and statistics i gathered for this project are being presented tomorrow   but it's a 9-5er    not sure i can last the whole day with this soreness with my gums    then tomorrow nite is a movie at church, Conversations with God based on a book by Neale Donald Walsh   good book, plus others that follow i have yet to read   not going to miss the movie, but i'll miss part or all of the meeting if i  must ....nothing on tv, nothing at the dollar movie (my budget at the moment)   time for a book which i have still yet to pick up and read anything lately    toomuch on the plate and it's World Series time    all in due time.....

p.s.   found me a bike or two the other day, and it's not going to be a Harley after all    fell in love with another crotch rocket, but will probably stay away from it    discovered a Suzuki and Kawasaki cruisers i fell in love with   will be one of them    next spring or summer, i'll be gettin the new bike:-)!

the music plays

the radio is on, i sit quietly in tears knowing my son will be headed to Iraq    i thought i was all peaceful about this war, peaceful within myself, until now    apparently when it hits home, it hits    i know he will be fine regardless what happens   i'm very proud of him   i can tell in phone conversations he's growing, maturing as he serves our country   i pull out a book, Why Courage Matters, the way to a braver life-by John McCain   yes the senator who may run for presidency   i've read this book once, but now is the time again   opening the middle of the book and where i had highlighted, i begin to become peaceful again   reminded of why we have wars anyways..."His faith is his country and the justice it promises.  Like Dr. King, he believes it is possible in this country to create the 'beloved community,' where all races, alll religious persuasions, all hearts, live together peacefully, respectfullly, where people can 'lay down the burden of race...just lay it down.'"    there's purpose in this Iraq war and there's got to be some good in it somewhere, somehow    what it is remains to be seen my me, probably others   but may Spirit watch over us all in its duration   GOD BLESS OUR TROOPS!!!   God Bless the Iraqis!!!!   and all those in Afghanistan.....

...came home after work, i had left the radio on   American Soldier by Toby Keith  and God Bless the USA by Lee Greenwood played one right after the other   my two favorite patriotic songs   i'll play them often while he's in Iraq   i'm sending him a copy too ....