Friday, October 27, 2006

a letter...

good mornin' my friend   i woke this morn feelin a little warm fuzzies   not as strong as last saturday's but good   so i made coffee and dove into Conversations with God again this morn   as i read, i contempated   i'd take a break and other thoughts came thru me while thinking of you and our recent conversations (financial and other topics)    anyways these are some of my thoughts    first my frustration with the other office angels (volunteers)   actually i recognize they're doing what they can, just some better than others   i haven't been comfortable with the idea that some have unconsciously appointed me their "leader", but Sandy said i did that myself by coming in there and always finding something to do (which i do)   i just wanted to volunteer, not become "leader" but maybe that is what i'm suppose to do there   i haven't been in a leadership position per se in years, 20plus, and have been avoiding that    mostly i'm just being me   i've always taken initiative about things since i was a kid   it's an unconscious habit and i don't even know i'm doing it half the time   anyways, i recognized again this morn that everyone is different, different in their nature of being and i'm going to continue being me even if it's being "leader"   humble myself and accept that part of me  give of myself what i can   and humble myself in relation to my family is what i think i need to do   every experience this week, i was asking maybe i need to stay in the thick of Life in order to continue growth even if it makes me uncomfortable at times   Goodness, life is changing again for me   i desire to live as a loving individual and i'm not always so   humility is a good teacher to me although i don't always welcome it   not sure what came over me this week, but i feel more spiritually connected this week and that i've been away for some time   it's probably only been a few months, but that's too long   maybe it hasn't been a few months, maybe just a few weeks, but i recognized i have to sit and sort things out from time to time and i haven't done that in a little while    i guess this is part of the journey that i need to enjoy   i've been on a rigid journey for 20yrs at the p.o., now life is opening up   there is more to it all which i've known but unable to experience fullly   working at the p.o. was truly an experience of survival, now i'm in the experience of Living    goodness, there is only God and the expression there of   it's overwhelming sometimes, yet so brain is in overload, i go back to my book   i recognize now i can take one step at a time in lieu of one giant step all the time  the pages of my life will write itself as i direct my own course   ...Life is Good again.......hugz~k 

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