coffee's brewin

it's the wii hours of the mornin'   didn't sleep soundly and up at an ungodly hour  went back to bed, cuddlin' with my kids, but no sleep fell upon me  so here i am wondering what to do with myself   it's gonna be a loooooong day    today's the hike with the church group   so by the time i get back it'll be nap time for sure   fresh wind and sunshine will wear me out just enough for some zzzzs   ....in the meantime, i went to the social club with my gay brother Stephen   it was an uneventful night for me   of course i only stayed an hour   wasn't sure i was going to go   just didn't have the nerve to go there   it's been about 15yrs since being at a club, but hey, who knows maybe i'd meet someone...nope...i did recognize for sure this is not where i want to meet an individual   so i'll go back to the internet or the papers   going 2 the clubs is just not my fanfare anymore   the music was good, but i didnt dance   think i forgot how...lol  there seemed to be no single woman there   all were coupled up   plenty of single gay men, but they're not my type...so i'll say a prayer to meet someone at church or elsewhere   should be interesting   just the thought of dating scares the hell out of me, but if it's meant 2 be, it'll happen...

now for earlier in the day yesterday..Marsha and i ended up at Barnes & Noble   although it was my idea to go there, i gave her a hard time for agreeing to go   i never can walk out of there empty handed   i just went lookin' 4 sum post-it tabs (thought i had seen sum there)   anyways, 2ft into the doorway and there's a book calling my name   a few feet more, and another   by the time i left i had spent at least $50 w/a latte included, and no post-it tabs   one book we picked up was by Deepak Chopra   twilight zone hit later when Maggie called and asked if i'd like to go see him on sunday IF she could get tickets   don't tell me Spirit doesn't work in mysterious ways   this is an example how It works for sure   anyways, yesterday was a very good day   lots of fun and laughter w/Marsha   playeda little guitar and hung out w/Stephen   ....today the hike   i keep saying i don't want to be the leader of the hike group, but alas i keep showing up   maybe one day i'll resign my position...It's all good!

The Tao..14th verse

                       That which cannot be seen is called invisible.

                That which cannot be heard is called inaudible.

               That which cannot be held is called intangible.

                        These three cannot be defined;

                     therefore, they are merged as one.

 

              Each of these three is subtle for description.

                       By intuition you can see it,

                                   hear it,

                              and feel it.

                          Then the unseen,

                                unheard,

                          and untouched

                        are present as one.

 

                   Its rising brings no dawn,

                      it's setting no darkness;

                 it goes on and on, unnameable,

                     returning into nothingness.

 

                Approach it and there is no beginning;

                    follow it and there is no end.

              You cannot know it, but you can be it,

                   at ease in your own life.

 

         Discovering how things have always been

         brings one into harmony with the Way.

 

"Try to imagine the idea of forever: that which has never changed, that which has no beginning or end.  It cannot be seen, heard, or touched...but you know it is and always has been.  Think of that which even now, in this very moment as you read these words, is the very understanding that's within you-that essence that permeates you and everything else, yet always eludes your grasp."-from Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life, by Dr Wayne Dyer

to me this talks of the God essence within each of us, within every thing....and more   

on the road again...

here are a few pics from Tent Rocks i took a couple years ago    i'm takin' the hike group up here on saturday   i'll take some more pics and see if i get anything different   it's a beautiful place for a hike  i'm lookin' forward to it   plus it's supposed to be sunny, not like it is right now=snowin'   rain and 40s tomorrow too   then back up to 50s & 60s   i'm ready for the weather to stay warm!!!    anyways, it's a good nite   no blues again 2day   then they'll probably stay away for awhile...so, i learned sum things of myself today   first my therapist said i'm very fragile due to this illness   i recognize myself as fragile after visiting her on monday   just didn't know how fragile  but tha'ts ok   i'll just handle me with much TLC   i do a lot, but will do so even more...second, i realized today i can't and won't embrace every word of our church's philosophy   i feel a bit different in sum areas and that's ok   we can learn SOM, attend our church and still maintain our original beliefs, i.e. christianity, buddhism, muslim, or whatever   i'm spiritual,  not religious   i gather my wisdom from all works of Life and will continue to do so   we all have our own journey and getting there with what works for us   so 2day i realized sum of our church's philosophy isn't workin' for me   and that's ok   it's still a great place and i love all my friends there   we're on an ever growing path wherever we journey...now, in the meantime, i didn't get my bike today-ugh   and ain't gettin it tomorrow with this ugly weather   no problem   friday's comin'!!!

no blues 2day

yeah!   no blues this morn   i like it  i love it  i want sum more of it!!!!   anyways, i pray it stays like this for awhile ....anyways, it's a sunny day today  high in the 50s   i did find out my bike isn't ready today   he's putting all back together now  it'll be ready tomorrow  but no problem   i still have plenty to do   i'm feelin good  wishin i could be sittin havin' coffee with a friend right now, but they're all at work except for Jen who's at the Community Gathering in Kansas i think   hmmm, i just thought of my brother Stephen   i'll call him and see what he's up to   he's retired too    or maybe i'll take in another movie  dollar movie  a kid's movie  somethin' relaxin'   i had to have a shot of whiskey saturday nite after seeing so many action films  whew!   well i was also upset about my niece's situation, but i'm good now    got my music on   time for a shower    have a great day everyone!

monday nite

well i'm still around despite internet connection   they're scheduled to be here friday, but i may have to call them again to get here before that...so, it's monday nite and the Oprah web event is on   i started watchin' it but there were too many problems   how can they expect 139 countries in the world with the USA included to be online all at once without mega problems   go figure   i'll try to watch it tomorrow   it's centered around Tolle's book, A New Earth, Awakening to your Life's Purpose    i have the book and read at least half it this time last year   i'll begin it again soon but may read his first book, The Power of Now   both are spiritual in nature   Oprah picked his second book for her book club and of course it sold millions   it's a very good book  i recommend it   if your spiritual at all and open minded, this book's for you   anyways, enough of this subject....

today was a stay at home day   i had 2 days reprieve from the blues only for them to be back today   so i didn't go to work   i'm doin' better this evening   i'm practicing my guitar, listening to music, and watchin' tv (ballgame)   i like this life of chillin'   and today i saw my therapist   she gave me some more suggestions for handling this illness   i also talked a little regarding my niece's situation   It's all good, but recent events reminded me that i am fragile a bit   but just remember, i'm determined as hell regardless...tomorrow is a new day   i should be gettin' my motorcycle out from the shop    i'll be takin' it 4 a ride before work provided it's not too cold   the cold weather has returned a bit, but who knows, maybe i'll dress like an eskimo and ride anyways   if the sun is shinin', i'll be ridin'!....Life is Good, no doubt about it...

chicken noodle soup

so, i wrote this nice long journal entry a moment ago  i was almost done and my internet connection dis-connected   so i'll keep this short....first of all, the text and font size mechanics are not workin' on my journal, so if this is in very small lettering like the last entry, complain to aol....second, our minister announced today that he will retire effective 1sep08   i'll miss him...third, i've talked to just about everyone in the family about what's happening between my sister and her daughter   i'm now waiting to talk to my niece   it's ugly as usual with my older sister, but i'm going to do what i can...fourth, it's been a nice day   piddlin' in between cuddlin' with my dogs when they're not jumpin in my lap while on the computer...fifth, and most important,  the major blues are gone for now   i'm feelin' GOOD!!!!....i'll be back after getting internet connection fixed...cya then!

more action...

hello ...tonite i saw I Am Legend...time to take a break from the action films   they're wearing me out..lol   goodness, i need a cigarrette   maybe later   anyways yesterday i was in the middle of an entry when my oldest niece im'd me   we've chatted for a couple nites in a row now   most we've ever communicated since i haven't been in touch   they were good chats and again i was reminded why i live here in NM   i just want to kick my older sister's ass   long story and i won't go into details, but as usual she's stirring up trouble   anyways, i'm going to talk with my oldest niece again and see if there's anything i can do   i've felt for years my hands have been tied for different reasons   maybe this time i can step in somehow   that's my family  it's damn hard too  many times   i will get thru...in the meantime did i tell you i started my guitar lessons again?  had my first one on thursday   i pray my left shoulder and arm hold out   that's what gave me the problems last time i put it down   some way, some how, i'm gonna play...in the meantime i'm headed to church tomorrow   i'll get the official announcement that our minister will retire effective sept 1   it'll be interesting to see how changes take place between now & then, then afterwards   maybe Rev Jennie will apply for the position and actually get it  people come and go from church due to their likes or dislikes   we'll see what happens...