another great movie!

The Brave One    i just finished watchin' this movie with Marsha & Diana   i was surprised at the ending, but definitely liked it   liked the whole movie although it kept me on egg shells...anyways, brb...

ramblin'

so, yesterday i had my "first" guitar lesson again   it's been a couple years since i played   so i'm startin' over with a new instructor and i like  him already   he gave me a little tune to play as a warm up  introduced me to some new notes and started me on the same book i used the last time   i'll see him biweekly which will allow me to practice more and build some confidence  my fingers must get broken in and calloused  but it'll all be worth it   i'm excited   he told me to only practice 20mins a day til my fingers are no longer sensitive   knowing me, i'll do more than that....anyways, i chatted with my oldest niece on myspace last nite   i saw her for the first time in over 20yrs last Christmas   we had a great talk including about her mother, the reason i stayed away so long from them   anyhow, she's doing good as well as her  new daughter, Rylei (above pic)   she looks like her dad   anyways, it'll be great to keep in touch with her now   i'll have to get back and see the family more often, but goodness i also have other places to go   need to win that damn lottery..lol....next weekend i'm headed back up to Tent Rocks   was there a couple years ago   taking the hike group up this time   will take sum more pics again if i can   think i'll do b&w this time   the only hinderance that may come into effect is Madison, Marsha's grandbaby   IF they go, i told Marsha i'd help her with Madison  she's a handfull ...nothin' much else happening...o yes, i get my motorcycle out of the shop next week   it's in for a major tune-up at a major cost because they ran into problems   one of the spark plugs broke inside the head   my guess it's probably an original plug since the bike was made   o well, it'll be in great running shape after this   i may just ride it to Ft Worth, TX in June for my nephew Kaleb's birthday   i'm ready for sum ridin'!   ....well, that's all folks!

aoljpictureUpload, aoljpictureUpload_1

more movies..

my road trip has been postponed   i was planning on going to Chaco Canyon and another place near there this weekend but due to the weather i cancelled it   i want to go when it's warm and sunshine preferrably  so instead of the road trip, i did two movies yesterday   i saw Fool's Gold at the theater with Matthew McCaughney(sp?) and Kate Hudson   it was a FUN movie   lots of laughs...then last nite i rented The Bourne Ultimatum  another action packed movie that was enjoyable   i also rented Ghandi which i'll watch a little later today   thought it'd help with the book i'm reading The Ghandi Reader   haven't known much about him except he was a great spiritual leader   i'm enjoying the book   i love some of the things he has said already   look forward to the movie   anyways, i'm feelin' better today since having a rough weekend with the 501 Blues this weekend   just wish the sunshine was out   it's another gray overcast day-yuk!   but Life goes on....

VANTAGE POINT

this movie is GOOD!!!    ACTION PACKED!!!    i needed a drink after seeing it yesterday...lol    go see it!

Ava

Remember the baby i was holdin' in my previous pic?    this is her a year later...Ava Louise

Mr Lemonade and Irma

My son and his future wife, Irma    they look good except i prefer he have a little hair on top of his head..lol    his myspace account he's listed his name as Mr. Lemonade...

i don't get it...

so, i'm readin' the news headlines tonite    they're goin' to take the Gray Wolf off the endangered species list and then allow people to hunt them   killin' them years ago is why that got put on the endangered list   makes no sense to me....also, i just read the headlines on this one, but  there's pythons in the U.S. now roaming in the wild   although they say they're harmless, don't you think we have enough snakes here already   and besides pythons are huge   i wouldn't want to come across one even if they're harmless   i didn't read the article because i didn't want to know where those snakes have been let loose    do people not have common sense anymore?

heart coffee

hello my fellow j-landers   today i had lunch with M...and before i go any further i will divulge her name   i'm finally ok about telling you  i've only been holding back because sometimes M, Maggie, reads this journal   well i no longer feel the need to hold back her name   now you know it  it's Maggie   this is the dear friend of mine whom i have a crush on...so anyways we had lunch today at Pei Wei   then we stepped next door for coffee to warm up   it's cold today and even a few snow flurries were fallin'   so anyways, i get my latte and take the top off   Maggie noticed a heart shaped in the milk on top   a good sign she says  i say of course i have my girlfriend with me   we both laughed but it made my day   i've been struggling with the 501 Blues for the past 3 weeks a lot   today is another one of those days   and over lunch i discussed a few details of this illness with Maggie    i hardly ever talk about the illness and as a start i am going to share with you my friends what the diagnosis, prognosis, etc related to the illness    i have schizoaffective disorder   this diagnosis according to my doc is because i have symptoms of schizophrenia and symptoms of bipolar   the medication takes care of the schizo part, but despite medications for the bipolar part, i still experience mood swings often   highs, lows, extremes and in between    it's a royal pain in the ass often    the one thing i realized last nite was that my number JOB is to manage this illness   sometimes i still wish i didn't have it ..btw, it's caused by a chemical imbalance in my brain   those neurons and electrons or whatever you call them don't act right...anyways, i call this illness the 501 Blues because it's the depression part that gets to me and the Levi's 501 Blues song gives me a light heart perspective to deal with this  it helps takes the HEAVYness out of it, or at least some of it    today after lunch with Maggie and talkin' to my therapist, i feel i've come to a different stage in relating to this illness   maybe it is time to talk about it more to other people   tell 'em what it really is    this journal entry is the first step in that direction   i just want to live as much of a "normal" life as possible i try to ignore this thing  but it always reminds me it's still there    no matter what, i get thru somehow, someway   it isn't easy sometimes, but Life goes on....

kyle called

my son called    he's doin' good    hadn't heard from him in awhile   he's sharin' a phone nowadays with his girl-future wife   he's goin' to give up his mercedes he bought himself and get the truck he wants  she's goin' to get her truck as well    they're tryin' to make a baby   they have a girl's name already=Glenna Brooke   Glenna is Kyle's mother who gave birth to him   if i didn't mention she's been missing for a decade now   hearing him name his baby girl after her is great   this means he's done some healing regarding her   hopefully my talk with him when he first got here about her did some good   something or somebody did anyways   i'm happy to hear it  anyways, he's also headed back to Iraq in November   this time 12-15months   but that's where he wants to go   once he's back, they'll try to get stationed in San Antonio, TX or go to Germany   whatever works for them is fine by me   as long as they're happy is all that matters   i'll be protecting them both from the family if i need to   not all the family, if any   but his girl is african american which doesn't matter to me   it's my father's reaction i'm concerned about   but he doesn't have much to do with his grandfather anyways, so maybe nothing will come of it   God bless them both and may Kyle make it home from Iraq safely again   goodness, i'm very proud of him but it isn't easy sometimes for me while he's a soldier   I love him......

p.s.   thanks j-land for allowing me to touch on issues at times   they're ever so present at times with me especially when it comes to my family...

Dion's brownie

best brownie in town, from Dion's Pizza place   delicious!   hadn't been there in quite awhile, so i stopped after work  yesterday   busy as ever which is the norm at any of these sites   it was delightful   anyways, as i sat waiting for the order, i recognized again it's time to start dating again   i've been twirling with the idea for about a month now   just feels it's time again   it's only been 4yrs since the last date  guess it's time   now the question is where to meet someone   i could pick up the paper ads or go online, as i did before, but think i'll pass on that for now   maybe the paper, but who knows   my gay brother Stephen goes to a social club, maybe i'll start there   was hopin' to meet someone at church, but that just hasn't happened  in the 4yrs i've been there   so anyways, one of the things i realized most this past month, it is good for me to be with people while experience this damn 501 Blues   with it i tend to want to be alone more than needed but i've noticed a change these past few months   it's a good change and i like it   being retired from the p.o. i've been more exposed with people as well   delivering mail is somewhat a lonely job, but it was a great way at times to have my solitude   but there was too much time alone   plus the illness sent me off onto an island and isolation   i've come a looooooooooooooooooong way since then   i love my evolvement   It's all good!

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!

Hike group trip 2 Bosque del Apache

hello my fellow j-landers   today was a great day   our church hike group went to the Bosque del Apache   so here are about 59 photos   most of them are cranes   however, we saw Bald Eagles today-YEAH!!!   we saw two of them   they are sitting on the tree branches,  one photo just one eagle left   we also saw deer, coyote, a phesant, heron, and a few other birds which i don't know how to spell their name  lots of photographers there with their big lenses  i inquired on the size with one guy    i want a 500m  his was a slight bigger but that's ok   i'm pleased with these photos even though it was just 200m   no complaints really   just know with a bigger lens i can get even closer   it was a wonderful day with this group    within 5mins after getting on the loop, we saw the eagles   and i had just said i'd love to see one   i've seen one at a zoo caged in, but to see them free was awesome today   it really made my whole trip   we drove in two cars, i was one of the drivers    so i'm a little tired tonite so i'll catch you guys laterz    hope you enjoy the photos....

Val

ahhhh, alas it is friday   3days off and no worries in hand   this morn i dreamed of an old friend i haven't seen in 25yrs or so   so i got up and called her   she lives in Seattle WA   we chit chatted a moment and said good-bye   she's still being domestic Goddess while her wife works  they've been together longer than i've seen her   but anyways, after the call i sat and asked, has she really changed thru the years   in conversation it seems not but somehow i think Life must shape us and grow in sum small way at least   but some friends i think haven't changed much  staying in the same circles throughout their lives   maybe the truer reflection is i have changed MUCH since long ago   i've noticed how i've weaved in and out between passive and aggressive   humility, love and hate  how my horizons have expanded even in staying in one place these past 20yrs   it has been my mind that has been reshaped thru the illness, through my books, through my new friends at church   in my younger days i thought seeing the world was the way to new horizons   well now i know, it is through many things but especially through one's thoughts and how we perceive, react, engage, and learn from our moments of Now no matter we stay in one place or adventure thru travel   i recognize this not only with my chat with Val but also with an ex-girlfriennd of mine whom i recently had coffee with   we were together over 15yrs ago, and she still seems so simple just as way back when     there is beauty in the simple, a great reminder to enjoy life simply   yet , i hunger for more   i always have and i can't imagine ever being full    i am grateful for my path no matter how treacherous it has been at times   i know i can endure anything that comes my way   the future holds more paths to journey while i treasure the moment which i live in Now....

The Tao..8th Verse

this morn i reflect, contemplate the ongoings on church   there is a little turmoil at the moment but we will evolve and grow from it   after my thoughts i picked up The Tao and read the next verse for the day   it spoke truly what i needed today    here it is:

 

                           The supreme good is like water,

                   which nourishes all things without trying to.

                     It flows to low places loathed by all men,

                            Therefore, it is like the Tao.

 

                     Live in accordance with the nature of things,

                            In dwelling, be close to the land.

                        In meditation, go deep in the heart,

                   In dealing with others, be gentle and kind.

                                Stand by your word.

                                Govern with equity.

                      Be timely in choosing the right moment.

 

                    One who lives in accordance with nature

                       does not go against the way of things.

              He moves in harmony with the present moment,

                 always knowing the truth of just what to do.

Congrats Giants!

congrats to the Giants!   Yeah!    i rooted for the underdog and i kept telling everyone they could beat the Pats, but no one listened   so few gave credit to NY   i'm happy they pulled it off   congrats to Eli as well for MVP   he definitely earned   so now maybe the critics will chill out on him   who would have thought that Eli would follow his big brother Peyton immediately the following year to the Super Bowl with honors    and i thought the Giants played a better game than the Pats so the true Champs are crowned..i spent the evening at Marsha's with her daughter and Madison (they moved back in with her recently)   after the game we watched the movie 3:10 to Yuma   great flick to top a great day off   i started the day finally doing some cleaning   when i get the blues i let it go  i can see my living room and kitchen again   i also realized yesterday that i need another bed of sorts in here...i've been thinking of renting a house for a 3d bedroom...well i thought at first that another couch with a hide-a-bed would work   but last nite as i was laying down to sleep, it dawned on me that i don't need another couch   i can just move my desk into the living room and get a bed for this 2d room   well so happens Marsha has a day bed she needs to store and i'll borrow it   saves her storage rental costs while serving my needs   this way i don't have to go out and buy another bed right away    it was a good day yesterday....on saturday Marsha & i saw the movie Michael Clayton   another great flick   it's been a great 3day weekend   need more of those   Life is Good, a bowl of strawberries!

latest on kyle

as Jimmy was inquiring about my son, thought i'd post a tidbit here   he's doing fine in Hawaii   he's getting married soon   think they're going to the JOP, which i think i'll try to figure a full size wedding whenever they get back to the mainland   not sure when that will be   and he wants to go back to Iraq again hopefully this fall   in the meantime he's planning on coming here this summer i think   if not, i'll try to  make it there   never been to the islands so it would be a great opportunity to go if i can   at the moment i know he's a little safer and enjoying the beach   they spent Christmas Eve on the beach for the day   really tough life there, huh...anyways he's good   next thing i'll be expecting to hear will be a baby on the way   he's anxious to be a father   but i know his wife has some say in it, so we'll see   he wanted to get stationed in either Colorado or Arizona which would mean maybe an 8hr drive   lots closer than Hawaii   now his wife has been only there for a year, so i don't know what kind of effect will be on their assigned places   i'll try and ask him when i talk to him again    for now, he's chillin' and doing good.....