Ouch!

my damn hip is killin me!   so much i want to scream bloody murder   and i'm grumpy as hell because of it   it's part of the scars left over from breakin my femur in my youth   i think i wrote about it in an earlier entry?   i fell off a cliff in the Azores, Portugal, my first duty assignment in the air force....anyways,  not sure what's causing the pain after this last doctor's visit   the visit was for my disability compensation claim   it was revealed to me that i have a piece of metal in my hip   i need to schedule a regular appointment and have it checked out    if this is causing the pain, then i want it removed   the tip would be from the metal rod they inserted into my femur the first time around that was toooo long   they left that rod in there a year and the bone didn't heal, so therefore another surgery was required-yuk....well almost 30years later, 28 to be exact, i have excruciating pain in that hip often   i woke up with it this morn and often it'll wake me in the middle of the night,,,,,anyways, my mood swing could be from my illness   i've been having them the past couple weeks   this doesn't feel l ike menopausal bitchiness this time    i realized the other night if it wasnt for my illness my life would be 'together' so to speak more so than it is now   i'm going to ask a friend with helping me manage my finances better   when i'm depressed, i go shopping and it's nothing i really need, some of it anyways   it does make me feel better tho   if russ and i get together, i'll turn it over to him and let him give me an allowance , lol   all i know is i need a better grip with this than i've been managing   i've just need to realize how much my blues have intervened on my life   no matter,   i'll survive it all   things could be worse for me and i'm grateful they're not   the other nite's insight really put me in perspective with my life   i could remember that i did have things 'together' so to speak before my illness   sometimes i can't remember crap about me before my illness, but fortunately and eventually it does surface    despite all of it, i'm still grateful for the blessings from my illness   it's frustrating as hell sometimes, but i keep lookin to the positives that has come of it......now, may each of you be blessed with the joys of life, may the sun warm your soul, the wind caress your face, the birds sing their lullabies to you and the scents of nature reach your senses....

Laughs....

two hearty laughs today
first- Tjnya and I took Tabou to the park she immediately barked at the other people, then hauled butt back to us, really ferocious rottweiler LOL

second - i just turned on espn and they were reviewing the upcoming Star Wars movie after the interview, they said they would "pray for your souls" for those of you in line for tickets......i thought it was funny anways.....maybe i'm tired

Mt St Helens

there's an article in aol news today about Mt St Helens   it was wonderful to read about the experience and the good that has come from it    i experienced the fallout of that eruption back May 1980   i was living in Spokane, WA at the time assigned to Fairchild AFB   my roomie and i had just come in from playing a soccer game and had noticed the black cloud, very black i recall   my first thought it was a storm coming in, so i turned on the tv to watch sports and unwind from the game only for the the 'alert warning' to immediately come on and tell us about the eruption of Mt St Helens and ash fallout coming our way    we were advised to stay inside and that we did for 2-3days before being able to move thru all the ash   it was totally crazy so to speak being out in the ash   like being in a fog of a dust storm is the closest description to it    ash was everywhere and the town was closed down for the initial 3days, some for a week    the base was closed but by the 3rd day we had to report to duty and clean up the base   we didn't do our regular duties for at least a week  it was all cleaning   ash was inside and outside everywhere   cars were immobile due to in being in the engines   but we all survived and lived thru it   it was its own natural disaster   eventually you could see the good from the ash fallout   the soil was better for the farms and all of the land and its plants making them richer in their fruit   and the beauty the artists carved ash into glass was amazing   i wonder if any of that is still around   i haven't been to the volcano in person, but the article reminded me to go there in my next visit to washington   guess i need to plan a 3-4week trip once i retire   not sure my doggies can handle me being gone that long    maybe a 2week trip and i fly up there   so now i know i'm connect to that volcano   Nature's beauty is always awesome no matter how she shows up   it shows she is power over us human beings   she has the last wrath!  (but i don't like tornadoes and i haven't been in a hurricane   floods can be pretty nasty too, been there done that too)

artistic intent

well these are more b&w photos taken in a museum in the very small town of Madrid, NM    it's not far from albuquerque, and on the eastside of the sandia mountains   we sit on the westside   it's considered a ghost town, but it is populated and a quaint place to visit   driving thru this town takes about 5mins or less actually   there they have a museum of its original core for it was a mining town   the photos posted are some of the treasures i discovered   when it comes to my b&w photography i'm always trying to capture light, texture, contrast and mood in the photo   these i was also trying to capture its vintage   i attempt to capture the 'art' of a photograph especially thru b&w since taking a couple b&w photography courses at Boise State Univ years ago   anyways, if i'm not happy with the photos, they are great insights on how i can go back and improve on the photograph    photography really gets my creative juices flowing and is soooo much fun  a never ending pleasure of mine    hope you enjoy the photos....more to come when i dig them all out:-)

still chillin

well i'm still chillin at midnight   thought i'd post a few more photos i found of the grand canyon, me and my dogs    the photos begin and end with the grand canyon due to how they post them in my album   i couldn't get the last photo placed first, so enjoy   i wanted to show the reds in the grand canyon as it is   so if you've never been to this seventh wonder of the world, i hope these photos tempt you to get there even if it's for an overniter like me initially   the photo after me on the trail is a pic of the trail   it doesn't look like it but i was tryin to capture the incline to it   the other photos of me and my dogs were taken a couple years ago   all but one dog is in these photos   i'll have to search for one of her soon   the pitt is charlie brown, golden retriever is max, and the black labx is jimmy   they are my life treasures who spend all their time with me when not at work....i also pulled out some more b&w photos that i'll post manana   this was just to keep me busy til i got tired tonight   thank goodness it's saturday night.......sweet dreams everyone  g'nite

chillin' time

the night is old, actually turning midnight within an hour and i sit just to reflect and not  my babies lay beside me at my feet   i listen to my music on ACM   mellow is my mood after doing my paper tonight all in one evening   school amazes me actually, or i haven't hit the thick of it yet   is it me, or is school 'easy' nowadays   i keep surprising myself of how less time and effort is needed to do school for me, or i'm not doing it right?   maybe i'm just enjoying it so much it seems effortless and compared to my job it is like nothin   well i'm not going to jump to any conclusions on it just yet   i will wait a few more classes and see how they span out   i'm not a straight A student, but i'm ok with that   B/B+ is usually my average   school was a bit of breeze for me in high school   usually, it was a rare thing for me to take homework home  now i suppose if i did apply myself harder, i could do straight A's but then i'd have alot more gray hairs too  it needs to be fun for me to learn anything  life is meant to be enjoyable   anyhows, i'm chillin right now after my paper and before i go to bed   tomorrow will be another day of doing more homework, some catch up, some for our team paper   if only i could go to school ONLY, i'd be in heaven:-)   ...today i took a break from stress and i went and checked out the new Jeep Rubicon   I'M IN LOVE! lol   i had a jeep wrangler a few years ago and i really miss it   i've decided i'll get another Jeep and if i can afford it the Rubicon is for me   i want to 4wheel drive again out in the mountains of colorado and any place i can find in new mexico   i also desire to find those off road places to look for some unique photos to take   i want to drive the Rubicon to alaska and back but as well to other national parks and "wilderness"   and i mean wilderness   my favorite place of all time, aside the grand canyon, is a stretch in the North Cascades in northwest washington state   there is a 75mile stretch of nothing but wilderness and it's gorgeous  there's a main road that ventures through there, but there is no other 'civilization'   no gas, restraunts, hotels/motels, nothing but campgrounds and they are far in between   it's a great place to backpack too   the mountains are awesome   this is where i fell in love with the west   the water is an aqua green it's so pure   and i have yet to travel montana, explored yellowstone much, the grand tetons, and wherever the west may lead me   there's some great back roads in the west too   i'd travel them while i was in idaho to california   idaho is beautiful too   wow, it's been a long time since reminescing these great states   it was triggered by another's journal entry on castles   now where does castles come into all this   well i saw castles in europe in my 20s and this is also when i lived in washington and idaho   i'm gettin home sick   gotta retire   hurry up medical records  all other paper work is waiting for your arrival so i can submit it   a couple more weeks and i should be able to submit it:-)   anyways, any of you that have not been out west, you must visit   granted there is some beauty in the Applachian mountains too, but the west is vast and forever beauty everywhere you look   ok i'm a bit biased i admit, but i've been out west for over 20years now   it's home to me now   i grew up in indiana where the cornfields are....well i'd better stop for now, because i'm in the mood to write all night   so for now i'll check out toby keith and my favorite song of his "american soldier"   GOD BLESS OUR TROOOPS!!  

reassured

tonight i got some reassurance which i needed the other night i wrote in this journal regarding Russ and his young worker some of you might have seen it, others not because i deleted it i realized after that entry i was a tidbit jealous of this worker of his from out of the blue it arrived on my doorstep and i had to deal with it it's been over a decade since dating someone and having competition around ....well anyways, i saw Russ tonight at his house and met his worker it wasn't meeting her that reassured me, it was simply his kisses and holding me   he doesn't even know i've been feeling jealous   he was just himself and the kiss and holding was all i needed    this picked me up tremendously  better than chocolate actucally, lol   i realized today i've been moody and depressed for about 2 weeks but haven't been paying too much attention to it until i've gotten tired from work   my bitch: i'm tired of being sick and tired...lol   i got sick of it months ago....anyways, Russ' kisses will carry me through the night and then some:-)....now some chillin time for me....take care   have a great day/eve...

affirmation:  On Happiness      I no longer focus my attention on the undesirable circumstance in my life.  Instead, I place my attention on the goodness of God knowing that goodness is God's will for me.  Goodness brings happiness, harmony, and peace.  I now embrace heartfelt happiness, harmony, and peace in all areas of my life.