ahhhhhh....

alas   i am peaceful again   a little quiet   a little prayer   a little conversation with Rev Jen  last week was hectic  plus there is some turmoil at church which i found myself getting caught up in   i pulled away  talked with Jen  said my prayers and holding high watch   high watch is knowing that it is all God  there is peace, love and harmony within it all and everyone  Divine right action will take place no matter the outcome  with love in my heart, i am at peace again within and happy   this has been a great learning opportunity for me   i have grown and i'm still centered in love and harmony   last nite i picked up my book Change Your Thoughts Change Your Life, Living the Wisdom of the Tao by Dr Wayne W. Dyet    i havent' been reading this much, but will continue a verse a day from this moment forward   i'd like to leave you with a verse now   i think, or so is my interpretation, Tao is the same as God   choose your own words for The Source however you'd like  i still it all rings Truth:

           The Tao that can be told

          is not the eternal Tao.

     The name that can be named

       is not the eternal name.

 

    The Tao is both named and nameless.

  As nameless it is the origin of all things;

as named it is the Mother of 10,000 things.

 

        Ever desireless, one can see the mystery:

everdesiring, one sees only the manifestations.

     And the mystery itself is the doorway

             to all understanding.

long week..and it ain't over

so, it's thursday nite and i've got one more day before i can be home for once   i've been gone ALL week   it started sunday   did i ever tell you going to church with Marsha is an all day affair   this past sunday was no exception   first church, which was a good service with a guest speaker   then to pick up Marsha's daughter and Lil Miss Madison  i volunteered to help watch Madison because her mother was sick  Marsha fixed breakfast for all of us while i watched the baby and Dianne (daughter) laid down   then we watched football the rest of the afternoon and evening  long day...moving right along, i worked ALL day/evening, then worked tuesday and went to Marsha's again  wednesday i helped Marsha at church then worked   today i had lunch with Rev Jennie, then helped Marsha, then worked  tomorrow i'm in to help Marsha all day before i go to work   and alas, Saturday will be here and i'm off for the weekend   don't ask me how i get myself into all this   i need to slow down again   i woke up grumpy this morn and didn't want to leave the house...but i had to talk with Rev Jen today about something happening at the church   had to get it off my chest...all week, all day and evening 10am-10pm...anyways, next week will be better   i'm back on 2nd shift, 4-9pm with the morning and the day all to myself if i like   starting my exercise regimen again especially the hiking part   gotta lose some weight and get back into condition...and in a couple weeks, i'll definitely be doing my guitar lessons again....right now i'm going to chill and hit the sack..until another day..God bless!

heart is achin'

my heart is achin'   Refael left today for his homeland   i said good-bye last nite   i went to his place and we chatted for a little bit   i finally understood what happened to his money   i remember him asking me advice on the situation  at that time i didn't understand  sometimes it's been hard for me to understand what he is communicating   anyways, we also chatted a little about his girlfriend here   he was still hanging out with her before he left   he finally ditched her   after the conversation i wanted to go over and kick her ass   she treated him badly and he didn't deserve that  she partied and drank too much which was part of the problem, but that's no excuse   anyways, i doubt i'll see her again   but i do pray i see Refael again some day   i pray God blesses him with all he desires in life ..the people who owed him money were headed over while i was there   so i made a quick good-bye and left   he gave me a few things like shirts  i'll for sure be wearing one of them today    he has been a blessing in my life   God keep him safe...

Three Cups of Tea

GREAT BOOK!!!   this is a must read   i finished it last nite   see what Dr. Greg is doing in Pakistan and Afghanistan, the remote areas of these countries   he's really not a doctor but definitely a humanitarian    and again we are reminded of our govt promising something and not followinng thru   but Greg Mortensen is a hero in is actions over there  can't say enough about this book   very inspiring!

i forget

i forget that my masseuse is really good until i go see her as i did today   my shoulder has been giving me some pain   she talks about everything she is doing while working on me and she's so knowledgable   i always feel so much better regardless it's a whole body massage or just working on one area as she did today   i've decided to see her once a month at least for my shoulders and back   occasionally i'll get a full massage coming out like a wet noodle   i haven't really budgeted for her, but most definitely will   there's soooo much i want to be doing that i've tended to throw the massage aside   she also gave me an herb for toning my muscles but it also helps you lose weight   we talked naproxen versus ibuprofen for an anti-inflammatory for my shoulder   now i can get back to my weights, but i'll also consult for a physical therapist   i really don't like physical therapist   most be call it physical therapy   i call it pain and torture since 1977 when i broke my left femur   pain & torture is more fitting   anyways, now i have better knowledge to deal with my shoulder and can start pickin' my guitar some  it was painful to do so the other night, so i laid off the weights for a few days   just have a broken down body from the p.o. days   but i'll live   march on i say, there's life to be livin'! 

9 degrees

ok, i heard on the radio today that it's suppose to get down to 9 degrees tonite...brrrrr...i wonder if that's a record  i don't ever remember it getting that cold here, especially in abq   good thing i have my kids as bed warmers....anyways, alas, my time has come   i finally feel i have MY Life to do as i damn well please   as my therapist pointed out to me today, with all that i've been thru in my life (and she is the only one to know it all), i finally have my life   as recently as a couple days ago i was struggling with the idea of volunteering at the church again   i really didn't want to do it anymore other than coordinating the hike group and without knowing it i was still trying to fullfill their needs, not mine   after lunch with M yesterday, i went straight to the church and told them i couldn't do it   i no longer desired to volunteer all day at the church and then go to work in the evening, making for basically a 12hr shift for the day   it is too hard on me and the 501 Blues   finally, now i'm focused on doing what i want and need   since childhood the program has been to take care of others  i've been working on letting go of that for years, especially the last 9yrs   now finally, i'm doing it   goodness i can't tell you what that really feels like   it's new beginnings for me  i know i'll still be doing for others, but i will come first finally   i have much on my agenda   one step at a time, i will get it all done   right now i just treasure the feeling of freedom...

special forces armory

special forces armory=2 safety pins in my boots   i was feelin' like Macgyver(sp?) today   i still have my handy pocket knife with me always   today i used it to adjust a chain for my feather necklace   then i proceeded to put 2 large safety pins in my military issue desert boot   i bought those boots, used, for one of my Christmas gifts   i had noticed a slight tear in the seam of one boot   well it expanded, so it was time to patch it up a bit   so if anyone asks, it's my special forces armory....in the meantime, i was coming home to write Refael an email   his departure day was yesterday and i was sure that we missed the opportunity to say good-bye   well, lo & behold, he shows up at my kiosk at work tonite   i was esctatic   he's still waiting on money owed him from his boss, then he'll return   hopefully he'll be out of here by this sunday   it was just good to see him and i'm happy i still have a chance to say good-bye   he also is going to give me some things of his  so i'll have plenty of momentos besides the 5x7 photo i just had printed of him   i also have his home phone number in Israel   so i'll be in touch   now if i could only find a man like him closer to my age    anyways, all is ok with me   seeing Refael and having lunch with M today perked me up   i've a touch of the 501 Blues today-ugh   but between these 2 special people in my life and the book i'm reading, it turned out to be a blessed day!