Friday, February 25, 2005

contemplation

Quiet enveloped me this afternoon while delivering my mail   maybe it was the big snowflakes mixed in with the rain and the cold wind upon my face   whatever it was it put me in a reflective contemplative mood of sorts   i got back to the office after delivering and found some carriers hovering around the super's desk   no big deal but the conversation was about petty things at the job   i immediately remembered that i no longer look at life the same   it's tough sometimes knowing people get upset over things that dont matter really     friendships, people and life are really what's most important    Living like there's no tomorrow      God grant me the serenity to change that which i can,   the  courage to change that which i can't, and the wisdom to know the difference   (i hope i got that prayer right)     anyways,   i accept i can't change people     today i accepted that i may have lost one of my best buds    not thru death,  just thru non-communication    she stopped chatting with me two weeks ago and i really don't know why     i speculated it had to do with one of my journal entries    i apologized to her if i hurt her, but to no avail      i know she has some other things going on, but i really don't know what to think    so i'm letting her be      i no longer have the emotional energy to keep up with anyone who won't communicate to me    i am not angry    a little hurt, but i will be fine     i'll miss her sorely    i already do     but i must continue on without her   Life is too short and precious for me to stay stuck somewhere     i've already lost 10yrs of my life by just dealing with my illness    i have more than enough to make up for and live for that was delayed     i no longer burn bridges but i will not allow anyone to bring me down    i'll think of her from time to time and hope one day she will talk to me again  ......until then,   life goes on      take time to hug your kids and smell a rose each day     you never know when tomorrow may not come.......

1 comment:

delela1 said...

You were so close on the quote.  It's the serenity prayer and it goes "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Maybe your friend just needs time and space.  It could just be circumstances as well.  If you've got a gut feeling about this, then listen to it.

Your entries each day reveal more about you, your inner reflections.  Keep it up.  :)  ~Dona