Monday, February 7, 2005

moday blues

just need to chat for a bit tonight  get some frustration off my chest i hope  got the blues again today  almost didn't make it to work, but did  it was a struggling day  i finished my route knowing i had an hour relay on another route to deliver when i got back to the office, it was a different route than i had been informed  o god part 13  the supervisor who is running the floor now i get so easily upset with her  it's comforting knowing i'm not the only carrier to do so  she gets under everyone's skin     her stress spreads to everyone else because she takes it out on us-ugh!     anyways, i was perturbed to say the least about a different relay    it meant i would be out with my flashlight delivering the mail     when this supervisor manages, i'm ready to retire medically in a heart beat    when our other supervisor is around, i feel i can finish til regular retirement     it's like night and day there     they just keep moving the good supervisor elsewhere on detail    wish we had a say in it, but we don't     we're just craft employees    no authority and only a voice thru our union     ......anyways,   getting perturbed today triggered some very old anger from my psychotic days     i'm puzzled as to why it is surfacing right now    i noticed it coming up a little bit last month, but today i exploded     why can't anger swept under a rug, stay there?    not that i intentionally did that, but this is History and i don't think it has anything to do with the moment of now    unless it's related to my frustration with having my blues so damn much      i finally decided this weekend to get to the women's clinic for menopausal assistance    i sure hope hrt helps     i'm sooooooooo tired of the blues      i have an appointment this coming monday    i can't wait      i've waited too long to do this, but i had my reservations about estroven    well now i'm ready to take the risk and do it     as long it helps minimize my depression caused from menopause, then i'll continue     if there's no change, then i'll come off of it and know it's just my chemical imbalance in my brain and live with it     in the meantime, i'm saying a prayer to help my blues go away        Life goes on.......i have things to do, people to see, and places to go         take a hike blues!

1 comment:

delela1 said...

Ugh!  Menopause.  Believe me, you are not alone...been there, done that.  I've been on hormone replacement therapy for seven years now (premarin).  I know there are risks, but the alternative to me is no alternative.  Hang in there, and remember, we control our minds and bodies, our bodies do not control us.  :) ~Dona