1. Who is the last performer you saw live in concert? What is the last film you saw at a theater? Which was more worth the money you paid? last performer: Martina McBride last film: can't remember...which one worth more: always a live concert!
2. What do you do more of in a typical day: work, sleep, eat, exercise. watch TV, surf the web? all the above except watch tv often i get my 10mile hike at work which covers everything but the web...
3. Your office brings in a new drink machine and it's your job to fill the eight selection slots. What drinks (non-alcholic, of course) do you select? Coca-Cola, Coca-Cola, water, fruit juices, Sprite or 7-UP
4. Take the quiz: What is your expression number? Do you agree with the description it gives you? What do you disagree with most? my number is 1...well they got me partly right: original, natural capacity for leadership, assertive & straight forward, self-confident, self-reliant, reaches for the sky with potential to reach it....now the other parts i disagree with: skills to be a top executive, self-centered a bit, and having a strong dominant streak pushing others away at times= does not apply....
5. Counting all light fixtures and lamps in your home, how many bulbs do you have in place, and how many of them are on right now? none on....about 15
6. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #55 from Laura: What is your favorite movie line ever and why? May the force be with you....it speaks for itself.
If you have a Reader's Choice question you'd like to see asked (and answered), click the e-mail link on the About Me bar and send it to me.
Sunday, June 5, 2005
heaven can't wait
just back from the mountains what a day! i first drove to where i used to live up there, almost, not quite all the way then i went paper hunting and also stopped at a realtor's place they gave me some numbers for those who are into rental management none of those offices were open today so i'm calling first thing in the morn i also drove around a bit and realized this is where i need to be back in the mountains this is who i am my place my mountains next i headed to the the Peak, Sandia Peak, 10687 ft high had my numbers transposed so thought it was higher anyways, on the way up there a lot of bicyclists were trekking up & down i forgot they do this on sundays, but as i reached close to the top there was an event going on for them there were a significant number of women too which i was happy to see so i got to the top and hobbled in on my crutches to the gift shop i love that gift shop they have tons of neat stuff up there and today i bought a necklace of silver and leather i also had lunch black angus hamburger with the works delicious! o yes with some great fries too! but food is always much better while in the mtns or soon thereafter that fresh mountain air enhances your senses big time and really gives you an appetite too the rewards of fresh mountain air nothing like it so after lunch i hobble back to my truck, pick up my camera and my sweatshirt the sweatshirt was twofold one the air was cool as air conditioning awesome! only air conditioning i like and i needed the extra padding under my pits for those dagnabit crutches so i ascend and descend the stairs there to get to the crest more here a layer of rocks covers the edge of the mountain and whence i sit it is sooo soothing while feeeling that breeze across your face with the warm of the sun too great combination i took some photos too for everyone laterz the view is breath taking so i'm curled up in my rock enjoying the moment but those damn pesty flies are buzzin everywhere can't stand flies don't know how horses do it with them pesty things around all the time so after awhile, i head down the mtn on the way down i stop at Tinkertown Museum it's a great little place.....here's a link.....http://tinkertownblog.blogspot.com ......this guy tinkered this whole museum the displays are of miniature wood carvings of an old miner's town back in the day with horse and buggy as well as a circus and other town setups blacksmith, miner's store, saloon, etc the buildings, the people, the animals, everything in it is carved by hand, painted and/or clothed looking like doll houses with great detail everywhere the building in which it sits is made of glass bottles, yep glass bottles it's a quaint little place plus there was the fortune teller, which is why i really stopped you know the fortune teller in the movie "BIG'? well they have one, so i had my fortune told with 25 cents this is what Grandma's Prophecies said: 'Beware of Friday the 13th That's your unlucky day Whenever it rolls around Bolt the doors and indoors stay............You are meticulous in your habits and that has brought happiness to you and those about you. You have a fine mind and though you haven't had much formal education you have developed your brain to a great extent. You are extremely devoted to your family and would let no stone go unturned if you could help your friends. People appreicate your good nature, and your true friends are legion. Your generosity has become a by-word amongst your friends. Don't overdo it.
except for a couple items, this fits to a T what delight!....and that was my trip to the mtns Heaven, my heaven, can't wait!
I REMEMBER!
last nite i couldn't fall asleep right away I REMEMBERED more of my happy times out in the mountains so now, i'm seriously considering the possibility i've left a message with my therapist so we can talk about the pros and cons relating to my illness...I was sooo happy out there and my spirit is begining to soar again just thinking about it i'm definitely headed to the mountains and will pick up a Quick Quarter and/or Thrifty Nickel to find a place to live that's how i found my house out there before i already picked up a sunday journal here in the city how can you beat the memories especially like the squirrel getting stuck so to speak between my house and porch i came home with groceries and kept hearing some major chattering well i found the squirrel so i tried budging it out with a broom handle, ever so gently, but no so luck ok so i thought it was my dogs, put them in the house tried the broom again, no luck ok i put my cats in the house well damn if that squirrel didn't come out from the porch then just sat there and smiled at me it didn't run from me just sat there next to the porch i told it had til morning to get movin on and not to go under my house through crawl hole i'd be closing that up again went in the house and by mornin it was gone there's so much adventures just in nature playing out it's scenario and the coyotes have their own special howl i remembered sorta like howlin and yelpin together beautiful music O God mountains here i come for now, coffee and searchin the paper have a great day yall!
Saturday, June 4, 2005
evening w/Cindy
well it's 11pm and i'm finally getting home, and No i wasn't at work all this time:-) cindy called me first thing this morn and asked that we meet for dinner OF COURSE!!! this would be our first time to spend time since reuniting a couple weeks ago....but first, i sprang my ankle today and the job sent me to the emergency room i just sprang my left ankle 2 days ago, went home elevated it and iced it was fine today it was the right ankle i went and bought an ankle brace for it, delivered some more mail, took a couple aspirin but still in pain after awhile so i felt it would be best to get off it and not finish my 10 1/2mile hike for the day well mgmnt decided to play hardball this time and sent me to the doc they splintered it and put me on crutches for a few days i froze my butt off in the emergency room with the air conditioning as usual i hate air conditioning didn't think i'd be long so i didn't take my sweatshirt in with me i know everyone thinks i'm crazy carrying a sweatshirt around in the middle of summer, But...except for my tummy, i'm all muscle which doesn't keep me warm...anyways 8pm i'm finally meeting up with Cindy for dinner, monkey suit and all so off we went to Scarpas...i'm getting ahead of myself...while in the emerg room waiting for the splint and crutches i remember a little more of myself before my illness thanks to Cindy I was a Free Spirit actually I still AM, but haven't felt it in awhile i lived in the mtns before/during my illness and was happy Cindy told me so tonight i couldn't remember I hung out with Cindy alot before my illness, not Tjnya God I've missed Cindy alot I realized this tonight we chatted about the new men our lives, the past a bit, and just life just like the good old days i realized a couple weeks ago, i am totally relaxed when i'm with her i can totally be Me! she's been the missing piece of the puzzle, besides my free spirit in my life just couldn't damn remember Maturity is a factor here too always has been with her anyways, i asked if it was a good idea for me to move back to the mtns i miss it terribly sometimes as we both know i must factor in my illness it is actually the only hold up for me and if i stay in town, which i think is the wisest choice, then i must get out there more often than i do now i must rekindle my spirit with nature although i go to church and love what the people and teachings there do for me, it's still being out in nature which feeds my Soul i can't explain in words words actually limit the expression of how i feel i feel One with Life , with all life so much more Alive, important yet in perspective that i am just a small part of all life breathing, touching, feeling the Life force within me creating, unfolding, all that's within me and that oneness with God this is where i feel God's unconditional Love the most and see the beauty that has been created all around us....ok i'm going to the mtns manana i'm looooong overdue....anyways, back to Cindy it's sooo great to have her back in my life i have missed her she said we spent alot of time together before i got ill we talked a bit about my illness too she did see me in some of that and it was my illness that took me in another direction away from her i told her i have missed her even though i didn't realize it just by being ourselves and friends to one another, we supported one another through our ordeals in life she restored my memory on some of the times we spent together it was great to remember i asked her how was i before my illness, she said just as i am now this was very good to know i was happy then i desire to be happy again as much as i can be i am at a crossroads, but will be wise with my journey as much as my heart aches to be in the mtns again, i came home and my kids reminded me that where i am now is home now i don't know i could take these kids out to the mtns these are 'city' dogs accustom to the noises of neighbors and confined spaces in the mtns there is the wild the coyotes howling the owls scooping up prey skunks scenting the air and so much more...well o second thought, maybe they could adjust, LOL my spirit will be free again, maybe it is more so than i've recognized lately i will make a note and keep checking that it is Free....thank you God for Cindy Gonzales my friend.....
Friday, June 3, 2005
another day n paradise
i write this entry in my fav color purple, BUT it deserves black i think anyways i need the color to soothe me after 11hours at work it's 9pm and i just got home i thought i was having a good day until i returned to the office and remember the route adjustments which meant we had to redo our labels on our case and change the dividers and change the whole damn case around a 'case' is our cubicle with filing like shelves on them which we sort our mail by the line of travel of the route the stuff not presorted which is still quite a bit anyways, because everyone was doing 12hrs today i had to do my time too well they've been working people 12 all week long, but especially tonight for the entire stations routes had to be relabeled for all the new adjustments to them they take effect manana and it was a must do assignment tonight after deliverying our routes so that's 11hours on my feet so now i sit for a few moments to rant, rave and whatever about paradise and to unload my feet ....well today they let me do MY route i've been unofficially taken off it, but after learning today the guy who was delivering it did NOT renew his casual contract, i think they'll let me deliver it for awhile at least it was great to see all the customers again, especially my little buddy Chad (4yrs old) i must write about him another time ...after delivering my route i had to go help a rookie and i was thinking back in my early days at the p.o. we didn't get help as a rookie as a rookie i went and helped everyone else out after delivering a route now it's totally the opposite we old pros go help out the rookies GO FIGURE and figure this this young rookie i assisted today, young healthy athletic built hunk of a guy didn't even finish one street before i sorted mail for me and another carrier and went and delivered another street of his there's something wrong with this picture it has been for awhile is it me or is young help these days not like it used to be? and i was taking my time on that last park & loop go figure? in my day, we had to make the cut, or you were out of there nowadays, they seem to be happy that the rookies just hang it out no matter how loooooong it takes them or poor performance is done Go Figure well i know why they keep them, BUT I DON'T AGREE WITH IT!.....anyways, i worked hard today for years i've loved the hard work at the p.o. but i started learning after the first 7yrs there, that the reward is truly self satisfaction the rewards come from your customers and your pride in your job, not really anywhere else i learned it doesn't pay so to speak to bust my ass there, although i still do a damn good job just a tad slower than when i was younger i felt for a long time i was doing something really worthwhile my experience with my illness changed my perspective i am still doing something worthwhile, but i know there are better things in life and ways to live it's been the last 6 months that my illness has taught me that i must do less hours in order to be less blue there's been only one year that i really minded all the extra hours, but that's another story otherwise i haven't minded the 50-60hr work weeks i could still do it now, but then i'll be depressed more often now i will slow down to 40hrs a week after this week and be content with that my health has priority now and i must take care of me it will all be eventually ok with me, it is already for months, maybe a year, i've been torn about living up to my previous work ethics and schedule it's been a long struggle, but i finally came to my senses 40hrs is all i can handle now, otherwise be depressed.....so now, i do what i can and be happy with that besides i've always believed there's more to life than just the job never been happy with that idea since childhood watchin my parents be gone to work all the time...no fun....so now, onto other Life adventures i'm looking forward to them hurry up retirement! LOL
Thursday, June 2, 2005
Women's College World Series
ok i'm watchin the world series softball for women i'm reminscencing when i played for about 25years i played it sooo long that i still miss it from time to time there were some good times, and then there was the crap i dealt with too too many egos getting in the way and bitchy women i don't miss that at all i'd play past 40, but the women i knew were die hards and still very serious about the game thinking they could play the same level as the young ones Get a grip! i'm competitive, but only desired to play for the pure enjoyment not a die hard here so enough of the die hards and the bitches, i 'retired' maybe when i turn 50, i'll go back to the game but for now i'm content to watch....i love how far women's sports has come since my day it's great for character, strength, comradeship and just plain FUN!
i'm back
just a short note to let everyone i know i'm back online, not that you knew i was offline my notebook picked up a virus and we couldn't get it off just with an anti-virus program so we've been reloading windows xp and it's been giving us a hell of a time i'm now in the midst of 195 emails and catching up on all my aol journals will be droppin in again soon.....
Ok, i'm here finally! the past few days have been, well shall i say introspective without my computer at my fingertips, i've had the time to reflect and at long last ACCEPT that this is my life! this being my depression it's taken years to get here, but i now fully accept that i will be depressed off and on regardless of the antidepression it was easier to accept my craziness than the blues i kept hoping an adjustment in meds would make the blues go away, but no such luck my acceptance began in january/february when i depressed most of those 2 months i no longer have the energy to fight it so to speak i've adjusted my work hours to better manage my blues i no longer have the energy to do 60hr work weeks and it has financially hurt but i will survive, i will live regardless of it actually i realized today in the midst of my last tears, that i feel more human than i ever have my entire life i'm a financial mess, maybe losing my home and/or my truck, but emotionally, mentally, physically i'm alot healthier than i've ever been so to speak ok i am working on not losing my house and i really don't care about my truck, what i've learned is when i'm depressed i go shopping and that must stop i already have plan A, B, C set up for the future and may request a friends help i've had financial woes before, but not to this degree no matter what, i accept i did this to myself and whether depressed or not, i must get a grip which I WILL.... as i've listened to friends recently, i realize i'm not alone in my financial woes i'm not alone in the challenges life may present us i'm just as human as others, and i know i will live regardless now this has taken some deep contemplation the past few days, but today talking with Russ for a moment, I'm ok....and Kathleen my therapist called today that made me very happy i didn't get to see her at the last appointment for she was out for some unknown reason to me she told me today that she had emergency colon surgery, colon cancer i believe, but they got it all i was worried about her and will inquire more at our next appointment next thursday i've missed her i can tell her anything and i do, not like some of my friends who i willl be at odds with at times...i was beginning to think i've had my head in the clouds too much lately and i snapped back to reality with my financial woes well i need my heads in the clouds as often as i can it really gets me through my blues and difficult times to take time and smell the roses i don't believe life is to be all work and no play i don't believe it's to be about money all the time and nothing to enjoy frankly, i hate money sometimes that goes back to childhood and another entry and i won't go there anyways, life is to be enjoyed for the past 6months i've known Change has been at my doorstep yet not knowing what that looked like well the picture is emerging to a better way of living, not materialistic and monetarily, but with my heart and the best intentions as long as i can maintain my integrity, my happiness and my kids, all is well today is all there is tomorrow has not come and yesterday is gone............
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