Saturday, June 4, 2005

evening w/Cindy

well it's 11pm and i'm finally getting home, and No i wasn't at work all this time:-)     cindy called me first thing this morn and asked that we meet for dinner   OF COURSE!!!   this would be our first time to spend time since reuniting a couple weeks ago....but first,   i sprang my ankle today and the job sent me to the emergency room   i just sprang my left ankle 2 days ago, went home elevated it and iced it   was fine   today it was the right ankle   i went and bought an ankle brace for it, delivered some more mail, took a couple aspirin but still in pain after awhile   so i felt it would be best to get off it and not finish my 10 1/2mile hike for the day   well mgmnt decided to play hardball this time and sent me to the doc   they splintered it and put me on crutches for a few days   i froze my butt off in the emergency room with the air conditioning as usual   i hate air conditioning   didn't think i'd be long so i didn't take my sweatshirt in with me   i know everyone thinks i'm crazy carrying a sweatshirt around in the middle of summer, But...except for my tummy, i'm all muscle which doesn't keep me warm...anyways 8pm i'm finally meeting up with Cindy for dinner, monkey suit and all    so off we went to Scarpas...i'm getting ahead of myself...while in the emerg room waiting for the splint and crutches i remember a little more of myself before my illness thanks to Cindy    I was a Free Spirit   actually I still AM, but haven't felt it in awhile   i lived in the mtns before/during my illness and was happy   Cindy told me so tonight    i couldn't remember   I hung out with Cindy alot before my illness, not Tjnya    God I've missed Cindy alot   I realized this tonight    we chatted about the new men our lives, the past a bit, and just life just like the good old days   i realized a couple weeks ago, i am totally relaxed when i'm with her   i can totally be Me!   she's been the missing piece of the puzzle, besides my free spirit in my life   just couldn't damn remember  Maturity is a factor here too  always has been with her   anyways,   i asked if it was a good idea for me to move back to the mtns   i miss it terribly sometimes   as we both know i must factor in my illness   it is actually the only hold up for me   and if i stay in town, which i think is the wisest choice, then i must get out there more often than i do now   i must rekindle my spirit with nature   although i go to church and love what the people and teachings there do for me, it's still being out in nature which feeds my Soul   i can't explain in words   words actually limit the expression of how i feel   i feel One with Life , with all life   so much more Alive,  important yet in perspective that i am just a small part of all life   breathing, touching, feeling the Life force within me  creating, unfolding, all that's within me and that oneness with God    this is where i feel God's unconditional Love the most and see the beauty that has been created all around us....ok i'm going to the mtns manana   i'm looooong overdue....anyways, back to Cindy   it's sooo great to have her back in my life   i have missed her   she said we spent alot of time together before i got ill   we talked a bit about my illness too   she did see me in some of that  and it was my illness that took me in another direction away from her   i told her i have missed her even though i didn't realize it  just by being ourselves and friends to one another, we supported one another through our ordeals in life  she restored my memory on some of the times we spent together  it was great to remember   i asked her how was i before my illness, she said just as i am now   this was very good to know   i was happy then   i desire to be happy again as much as i can be   i am at a crossroads, but will be wise with my journey   as much as my heart aches to be in the mtns again, i came home and my kids reminded me that where i am now is home now   i don't know i could take these kids out to the mtns   these are 'city' dogs accustom to the noises of neighbors and confined spaces   in the mtns there is the wild   the coyotes howling   the owls scooping up prey   skunks scenting the air and so much more...well o second thought, maybe they could adjust, LOL      my spirit will be free again, maybe it is more so than i've recognized lately    i will make a note and keep checking that it is Free....thank you God for Cindy Gonzales my friend.....

1 comment:

jolie424 said...

So happy that you  had a fabulous day, I feel the same way about being in nature ...for me it helps to Center myself. I have never lived anywhere but the city but get to be out in nature at the barn and when I go on trailrides...which I also need to prioritze so I so it more often...I know you  have been doing your on line journal for a long you ever write in an actual journal...I find it is helpful getting feelings out along with documenting my life....I forget so many things from the past and when I read my journals from high school and earlier it all comes may also want to try morning is where you sit down 1st thing in the am and just write whatever is on your is kind of like a data dump and you will feel better over time...more centered. I hope your Sunday is as good as Saturday and I hope your ankles heal quickly!