the rose pipe

yesterday i bought me a pipe to smoke   it's carved into a rose and simply beautiful   for the past 3months i have been desiring a cigarette yet refuse to lite one   the anxiousness created from my illness needs something to calm it down   the only reason i've ever smoked in the first place    so a few days ago i figured i'd smoke something but it wasn't going to be cigarettes anymore   so i tried Carrillo cigars and yet those were still too strong   i've never smoked a pipe but always loved it when my dad smoked a pipe  i love the aroma   so i thought i'd try a pipe, and yep it is sooo much better   it's sooo mellow compared to the other two options   plus the aroma is still good and the taste is not strong at all   this is perfect for when i need to calm my anxiety   just a few puffs for a few moments and i'm good to go    i asked my dad how to keep the fire lit in the pipe   he wanted to know why i was smoking a pipe for it was "unladylike"   i responded i wasn't very ladylike anyways, but he disagreed   truth is my parents don't see or know the real me   they have this perfect little angel image of me and just don't want to see anything else   i am most definitely my own person and i do a Karen as Cindy informed me a couple nites ago, which is doing simply whatever i desire   reflecting i've been doing this since 'bout 18/19 yrs old when i decided i wasn't living for my parents or anyone else   i was going to do what makes me happy    i have evolve & changed much since a teenager growing into a better person all along, and still growing   i am reminded at times in various ways that i am a very independent woman   but i like that actually    sometimes i'm still putting the pieces of me together, like yesterday, but all is well   now retired, i feel the freedom within me to change my direction some in life and develop and express the more creative side of me    i can live now   i am not tied to the p.o. living as a postal letter carrier which defined a lot of my life   now i get to take on a new identity, or more correctly, a truer identity of who i really am   i love the infinite possibilities and freedom to do so now   i'm not sure where i'm headed but Life is teaching  me   as time unfolds, so will i...