ahhhhhh....

alas   i am peaceful again   a little quiet   a little prayer   a little conversation with Rev Jen  last week was hectic  plus there is some turmoil at church which i found myself getting caught up in   i pulled away  talked with Jen  said my prayers and holding high watch   high watch is knowing that it is all God  there is peace, love and harmony within it all and everyone  Divine right action will take place no matter the outcome  with love in my heart, i am at peace again within and happy   this has been a great learning opportunity for me   i have grown and i'm still centered in love and harmony   last nite i picked up my book Change Your Thoughts Change Your Life, Living the Wisdom of the Tao by Dr Wayne W. Dyet    i havent' been reading this much, but will continue a verse a day from this moment forward   i'd like to leave you with a verse now   i think, or so is my interpretation, Tao is the same as God   choose your own words for The Source however you'd like  i still it all rings Truth:

           The Tao that can be told

          is not the eternal Tao.

     The name that can be named

       is not the eternal name.

 

    The Tao is both named and nameless.

  As nameless it is the origin of all things;

as named it is the Mother of 10,000 things.

 

        Ever desireless, one can see the mystery:

everdesiring, one sees only the manifestations.

     And the mystery itself is the doorway

             to all understanding.

long week..and it ain't over

so, it's thursday nite and i've got one more day before i can be home for once   i've been gone ALL week   it started sunday   did i ever tell you going to church with Marsha is an all day affair   this past sunday was no exception   first church, which was a good service with a guest speaker   then to pick up Marsha's daughter and Lil Miss Madison  i volunteered to help watch Madison because her mother was sick  Marsha fixed breakfast for all of us while i watched the baby and Dianne (daughter) laid down   then we watched football the rest of the afternoon and evening  long day...moving right along, i worked ALL day/evening, then worked tuesday and went to Marsha's again  wednesday i helped Marsha at church then worked   today i had lunch with Rev Jennie, then helped Marsha, then worked  tomorrow i'm in to help Marsha all day before i go to work   and alas, Saturday will be here and i'm off for the weekend   don't ask me how i get myself into all this   i need to slow down again   i woke up grumpy this morn and didn't want to leave the house...but i had to talk with Rev Jen today about something happening at the church   had to get it off my chest...all week, all day and evening 10am-10pm...anyways, next week will be better   i'm back on 2nd shift, 4-9pm with the morning and the day all to myself if i like   starting my exercise regimen again especially the hiking part   gotta lose some weight and get back into condition...and in a couple weeks, i'll definitely be doing my guitar lessons again....right now i'm going to chill and hit the sack..until another day..God bless!

heart is achin'

my heart is achin'   Refael left today for his homeland   i said good-bye last nite   i went to his place and we chatted for a little bit   i finally understood what happened to his money   i remember him asking me advice on the situation  at that time i didn't understand  sometimes it's been hard for me to understand what he is communicating   anyways, we also chatted a little about his girlfriend here   he was still hanging out with her before he left   he finally ditched her   after the conversation i wanted to go over and kick her ass   she treated him badly and he didn't deserve that  she partied and drank too much which was part of the problem, but that's no excuse   anyways, i doubt i'll see her again   but i do pray i see Refael again some day   i pray God blesses him with all he desires in life ..the people who owed him money were headed over while i was there   so i made a quick good-bye and left   he gave me a few things like shirts  i'll for sure be wearing one of them today    he has been a blessing in my life   God keep him safe...

Three Cups of Tea

GREAT BOOK!!!   this is a must read   i finished it last nite   see what Dr. Greg is doing in Pakistan and Afghanistan, the remote areas of these countries   he's really not a doctor but definitely a humanitarian    and again we are reminded of our govt promising something and not followinng thru   but Greg Mortensen is a hero in is actions over there  can't say enough about this book   very inspiring!

i forget

i forget that my masseuse is really good until i go see her as i did today   my shoulder has been giving me some pain   she talks about everything she is doing while working on me and she's so knowledgable   i always feel so much better regardless it's a whole body massage or just working on one area as she did today   i've decided to see her once a month at least for my shoulders and back   occasionally i'll get a full massage coming out like a wet noodle   i haven't really budgeted for her, but most definitely will   there's soooo much i want to be doing that i've tended to throw the massage aside   she also gave me an herb for toning my muscles but it also helps you lose weight   we talked naproxen versus ibuprofen for an anti-inflammatory for my shoulder   now i can get back to my weights, but i'll also consult for a physical therapist   i really don't like physical therapist   most be call it physical therapy   i call it pain and torture since 1977 when i broke my left femur   pain & torture is more fitting   anyways, now i have better knowledge to deal with my shoulder and can start pickin' my guitar some  it was painful to do so the other night, so i laid off the weights for a few days   just have a broken down body from the p.o. days   but i'll live   march on i say, there's life to be livin'! 

9 degrees

ok, i heard on the radio today that it's suppose to get down to 9 degrees tonite...brrrrr...i wonder if that's a record  i don't ever remember it getting that cold here, especially in abq   good thing i have my kids as bed warmers....anyways, alas, my time has come   i finally feel i have MY Life to do as i damn well please   as my therapist pointed out to me today, with all that i've been thru in my life (and she is the only one to know it all), i finally have my life   as recently as a couple days ago i was struggling with the idea of volunteering at the church again   i really didn't want to do it anymore other than coordinating the hike group and without knowing it i was still trying to fullfill their needs, not mine   after lunch with M yesterday, i went straight to the church and told them i couldn't do it   i no longer desired to volunteer all day at the church and then go to work in the evening, making for basically a 12hr shift for the day   it is too hard on me and the 501 Blues   finally, now i'm focused on doing what i want and need   since childhood the program has been to take care of others  i've been working on letting go of that for years, especially the last 9yrs   now finally, i'm doing it   goodness i can't tell you what that really feels like   it's new beginnings for me  i know i'll still be doing for others, but i will come first finally   i have much on my agenda   one step at a time, i will get it all done   right now i just treasure the feeling of freedom...

special forces armory

special forces armory=2 safety pins in my boots   i was feelin' like Macgyver(sp?) today   i still have my handy pocket knife with me always   today i used it to adjust a chain for my feather necklace   then i proceeded to put 2 large safety pins in my military issue desert boot   i bought those boots, used, for one of my Christmas gifts   i had noticed a slight tear in the seam of one boot   well it expanded, so it was time to patch it up a bit   so if anyone asks, it's my special forces armory....in the meantime, i was coming home to write Refael an email   his departure day was yesterday and i was sure that we missed the opportunity to say good-bye   well, lo & behold, he shows up at my kiosk at work tonite   i was esctatic   he's still waiting on money owed him from his boss, then he'll return   hopefully he'll be out of here by this sunday   it was just good to see him and i'm happy i still have a chance to say good-bye   he also is going to give me some things of his  so i'll have plenty of momentos besides the 5x7 photo i just had printed of him   i also have his home phone number in Israel   so i'll be in touch   now if i could only find a man like him closer to my age    anyways, all is ok with me   seeing Refael and having lunch with M today perked me up   i've a touch of the 501 Blues today-ugh   but between these 2 special people in my life and the book i'm reading, it turned out to be a blessed day!

rio grande nature center

good evening my friends   today was a good day   it started with leading the church hike group on a little stroll down by the bosque   the trail went along the rio grande river  we went in circles momentarily, but we trekked onward coming to a bench next to the river   there were birds to be seen  a heron and other birds   then we walked back to the visitor center   it was short, but sweet   nice to be out in the fresh air and warm sun despite the cooler weather   once back at the visitor center we peered through a wall surrounding a pond where the above ducks played and swam peacefully   another guy there had his camera, i didn't    he had a 100m-400m lens which reminded me that's on my list to get this year   seeing the beautiful wood duck, i had to run home and get my camera   although i do have a 80m-200m, it immediately became clear a larger zoom or telephoto lens is absolutely necessary   i've been wanting a 500m forever and i think it's about damn time i splurge on it    anyways, i did manage to get the above photos  another time and larger lens, i'll go back    in the meantime, our hike group wants to go to the bosque del apache next month   i wanted to go back anyways, so off we'll go   i may have to take the trip down there before the group hike, but i'm going to focus on the cranes   i'm ready for a road trip by myself   i'll have to see how my funds will be since yesterday i learned of a new class being taught at church starting 7 Feb    everything will work out   it always does    ....anyways, tonite i said good-bye to Itay, another Israeli i met this week working the kiosk next to me   he and Refael will leave on monday for sure this time   hopefully Refael will at least call before he departs   if not, i'll be in touch via email   Adi (sp?) another Israeli has decided to stay for another year   he's workin' a little coffee shop   so it'll be fun to have him around   it's been a great pleasure to have them here   they represent their country very well   they sell good products too   ....well i guess i'm tired   there was more i wanted to say and it has escaped me   after the hike, i worked tonite   it's been a long day   my pillow calls me and so do my kids   until i see you again...God bless!

the bucket list

The Bucket List   great movie!  or at least i think so  just saw it tonite with M   she invited me since she didn't get to hook up with her beau   i really appreciated this movie   the end of their lives brought joy, love, appreciation and more to their hindsight   this is what this illness i have did for me  and it brings more, whether it be death or sickness or other traumatic events in one's life  just wish i had the money to do all the things these guys did   if i did, i definitely would   i'll get in as much adventure as i can as time unfolds   in the meantime, i soooo appreciate the moments NOW   when they say stop and smell the roses, truly do so  treasure the moments with friends and family   watch the beauty of the sunrise or sunset  enjoy the music of the birds singing and other simple pleasures of the day   everything else really doesn't matter   these are the real values i have in Life anyways   Blessed am I just to be here...

p.s.   see the movie. 

gettin' there

well, i'm gettin' there   where am i gettin'?   my exercise program in place    i'm now in the routine of my weights workout, now for the hikin'   i hiked once last week, then again not til today   my cardio is out of combustion   today was better since workin' some weights the past week and there will be better tomorrows   the hike is all uphill for the first 30mins   i've been hikin' the first 25mins, turning around and complete 50mins total   i'm doin' it at a brisk pace   this works my whole body and i was feelin' it tonite   it's not like delivering the mail i did 10miles a day, 5days a week   that was all flat   eventually i want to be during 2hrs or more a day at least 4days a week   remember, the Grand Canyon is my goal by this fall   i'm gettin there...

in the meantime, i'm reading still   just finished Soldier's Heart,  Reading Literature and Poetry in Peace and War at West Point   written my a civilian English Prof that teaches there, and she's female, she shares what she tries to teach to the cadets to prepare them for their future in the military   the literature and poetry are written around wars but allows the cadets to think about how they may think while serving in a war zone   she also shows films   the themes are honor, courage, bravery, self sacrifice, respect among other characteristics that is developed there   some of these characteristics, if not all, i've been trying to live even in a civilian atmosphere applying now my principles of spirituality as well   not all these characteristics i learned while in the military myself   some came after service and learned through my spiritual journey   i was taught with morals as a kid, but things like honor & courage came later   some of that was already there, but the more in depth meanings of these words came later   i served during peaceful times, so these ideas weren't at the forefront of my military life   they were there, but elusive   anyways, one of the many reasons i like to read books   accordin' to my friend Marsha, the books i read are "heavy", meaning educational   only occasionally do i read fiction   but even some fiction are educational   i just feel there's always more for me to learn   Life is Good....now i started another book, Three Cups of Tea   about a guy from Montana who has built 55 schools for kids in the remote areas in Pakistan and Afghanistan   two chapters read and i love it!....a mind is a terrible thing to waste...Read!

can't sleep

hello   i can't sleep yet because my meds haven't kicked in   i went to work this morn at 10am expecting to leave at 4pm   well i didn't get out of there til 9pm tonite   but that's ok  Life happens   anyways as i laid down to sleep i remembered something i wanted to share   i wanted to expand on everyone has accents around here when i spoke about it before    well where do i begin    there was one nite i felt for a moment i was back at Chicago O'Hare airport and it's been at least 2 decades since i've been there    my boss' mom was on the phone   they're originally from Laos   so the mom speaks with a heavy accent   but tonite she was speaking her native language   then i went to speak with Refael   he and his friends were speaking Hebrew   back to the cart a few moments later, then arrives some Mexicans from across the border speaking spanish    it was just one of those moments that reminded me of when i was in the O'Hare airport    i was on my way back to Washington from Europe   i had gone a 3 week vacation to Germany, Holland, Switzerland, Austria and France   for 3 weeks i heard many different languages and en route home, i heard all the same at the airport   it was like music to my ears   i served overseas in the military and grew accustom to different languages and cultures   it was an amazing experience   sometimes i think all Americans need to go abroad for a few weeks at least to expand their horizons and experiences   we sure could learn from some of their ideas over there    anyways, the different accents i hear are always there   it is one of my joys here to know people of all nations and just how diversified we all are, yet each as human as the next...Refael is leaving soon   i'm missing him already.

my Refael

here he is...Refael  (the animated flash for photos wasn't workin' dammit , so i had to put the photos in via classic)   anyways, he didn't want to smile for me, but that's ok   and last nite was the first time ever he wore jeans   he's usually in slacks or khaki pants   regardless he still looks good   he also doesn't think he's leaving this weekend which gives me a few more days with him   i realized yesterday the 10th is only a week away   but i'm better about him leaving   my first hike in months yesterday did me a lot of good   it renewed my spirit and strength in enduring life   i'm off for another hike this morn-i think   Life is good, a bowl of strawberries!

REFAEL...

...is a young man i met in October   he arrived to work at the kiosk next to me   when i first saw him i immediately thought he was a cutie-patootie   and he is a handsome young man   my guess he was 35, but i learned he's only 27   his bit of gray hair deceives his age   he slowly, but surely, began talking to me and we became friends   he has an accent which i didn't question at first where he was from   there are a lot of people here in NM with an accent  it wasn't important   so more and more he talked to me  he then started sharing with me about him and his new found girlfriend   at the end of November i think, i learned he is from Israel  he and all the young adults who work that kiosk are from Israel   he's intelligent, sensitive, mature, spiritually grounded, fun and good lookin'   he has values in life   what more could a woman ask for   anyways if he was older and didn't live in Israel-so far away-then maybe i would have asked him out   it doesn't matter to me that he's Jewish   it's just his home is across a major body of water    anyways, i've come to love this guy   he met a woman he fell hard and fast for here  the relationship just came to a close   he was so very hurt   he asked for a hug last night and when i gave it to him, he literally cried on my shoulders   as i said, as so does he, he is a sensitive man, but no less of a man for it   he was due to go back to Israel on the 10th, but because things have not worked out for him and his girl as well as being homesick, he hopes to leave in a couple days   tears come to my eyes every time i think about him leaving   i've grown fond of him   he's been a great spark for me at work   our conversations have been wonderful   over this past weekend i gave him my feather necklace  it's only the second one i've given to someone special to me   i told him what it meant to me, it is my reminder of God, Spirit, and Nature   he almost cried when i gave it to him   so in turn he's giving me a couple things   one thing he gave me tonite are Sea Spa Stones   heat them up in hot water, then apply them to your aching muscle   ialready tried one on my wrist   it's absolutely wonderful   and the products he sells at his kiosk are wonderful too   i love the lotion and the Dead Sea salt-actual salt from the Dead Sea over there   anyways, i'm going to miss Refael much   i was hoping to have a photo before this entry but i can't download it from my phone   i hope to catch a photo of him on my camera and share it with you   one thing i've learned from Refael is our human nature has no boundaries   he also reminds me that God is Universal...he's been a wonderful blessing in my life these past few months...