Sunday, October 16, 2005
good morn....as i sit having my coffee, reading journal entries, i remember my criticism days of old before my illness, i used to be very critical of people the memories that returned to me were some of those moments i think i still have some left old memories, old attitudes have resurfaced lately not that i'm happy about it, but i must be ok with this about me it'll teach me to shut the !@#$$ up! this gives me a chance to understand myself more deeply granted i'm human and we all criticize, but sometimes i'd rather not guess i'm trying to live like Mother Theresa at times, but frankly that's impossible i think for most of us including me i was angry with Tjnya the other nite this morn i'm getting a little perturbed with Val, a friend in Washington is it i'm not accepting them totally for who they are and expecting too much ? i will know in time maybe i expect too much of myself and it spills over to my friends at times? the human experience is treacherous i think, but it is also very warming, thoughtful, kind, and generous too i just keep forgetting the latter i desire to have faith in people again, but with my history, it's tough at moments i was even thinking about the people at work and the crap i must put up with there thru that difficult environment, i've learned to take care of myself, first and foremost it's a pressure cooker job with constant criticism from management just their style of managing it's been this way for eons there is no working with them they just desire to continuously slave drive you well i slaved for many years i love the hard work and the production i do now i just don't slave for them anymore they don't like it and they can't take a jump in the lake for all i care (btw, most of us employees at the p.o. feel this way) so the point of all this? am i too critical? or is criticism just another facet of life for me to accept in the whole? is criticism and judgment the same thing? these questions i ponder this morn, but not for long i'mheaded for my homework and in my homework, i learn answers to my questions and more this Bible Wisdom class and Jesus' parables are teaching me lots i love it!