Friday, August 19, 2005

i don't always have to be right....

...and it is done unto you as you believe    for some reason these 2 thoughts spoke to me last nite as i laid down to sleep   i realized i've made some bad decisions in my life including recently   this summer has been a challenging one for me   a couple of belief systems arose that i didn't know i had    first for some reason unkown to me, i believe i'm a failure, therefore i keep creating failure    second, just recently  i realized i don't believe in relationships, romantic relationships that is, anymore    now how long i've been carrying these 2 beliefs within me i am stumped as to the answer   i have an idea about the latter belief, but the first i'm totally clueless   so i've been living a duality, which i think is normal   desire one thing, but believe otherwise   now the task is how to turn all that around   i know i'm not a failure, but i have been sabotaging a part of my life repeatedly for years (finances)    now i know i used to believe in Love,  i still do but not to the depth i once did    interesting i find myself with these    anyhows,  i meet with Rev Jennie next week for coffee   i haven't seen her in months and i can talk with her about this   it'll be great to see her and get back to church   i haven't been in about 2 months now, but my personal growth has not stopped   new pages have opened due to my challenges   now to continue forward and work to eliminate the 2 forementioned beliefs    what a life!   but Life is still Good....

3 comments:

jmorancoyle said...

    You aren't the only one who is convinced of being a failure, or even the only one busy sabotaging her life. This seems to be a thing that all of us saddle ourselves with to different degrees. I hope your tea works out for you and that you and your minister share some important information on this subject. We all need it.
Jude
http://journals.aol.com/jMorancoyle/MyWay

karebear4x4 said...

I see Rev Jennie next wednesday afternoon.   i'll definitely share her wisdom.~kbear

fitzzer said...

I agree with Jude. You're definitely not alone. In fact, feeling like a failure has been on my mind all day. ~ Lori