last nite!

tonite was the last nite   the last nite at the store   i sit here chillin with a beer in hand   the nite went pretty fast until about 8pm or just before   then it died to nothing and no one coming in the store   i didn't do much except run the register   i let the other woman do most of the duties for once   besides payback can be a bitch   she didn't do anything but run the register the last time we worked together   anyways, it's OVER!!!  YEAH!!!  i'll wash the smocks and return them  didn't get a chance to say goodbye to the boss either, so will do that too   i was in a grumpy mood before i got there  just didn't want to deal with more bs tonite  i had finally had enough of it..so now onto better things  and hopefully i wont ever have to return to another convenience store again!!!

now, back to this journal   not happy about the move, but it's better than no place at all after they close down these journals   the new blog isn't the same, but at least i have a new blog   tonite i've been playin with Photobucket in hopes to make a slide show on my new blog   will see in a bit here   i like the new look of the new blog, but haven't been able to do as much..yet.. on the new blog as here   still gotta figure out adding photos other than as they have it   Robin figured it out, i'll figure it out   she's managed to post more than one photo at a time and have the words wrap around the pics  nice display  i want to figure that out too   we don't have the display options as we do here in aol journal, where we can post as many photos as we want and have them showing via Ken Burns, photo pile, collage, etc.   i'll  miss that option for sure   but maybe if i get the slide show down on the new blog, that may be of help too....anyways, change is good whether we like it or not....well for now, i only have a few more entries here, then i'm permanently over on the new blog   i have yet to decide whether to save this journal into the new blogspot  i'll decide once i get the info on how to do it    this has been a journey in journaling   i rarely go back to my journal pages, here on in my hand written journal books i have here at the house, and read them   so anyways, i'll decide laterz...until another moment in time...visit me at my new blog  (link in previous entry...)

hi again

ok,   i've made a new blog thanks to Indigo creating hers first   from there i created myself a new journal   you can do the same once you reach my page   it ain't like AOL but it'll work to stay in touch with all my j-land friends   here's the link:  http://karebear4x4.blogspot.com/

at the top of the page is a link, Create Blog, from which you can make a new journal   i hope all my j-land friends do so here or somewhere and leave me a link to your new journal   if you choose to let go of journaling, i honor and understand that   i'm still fine tuning my new blog a bit   somewhere i can list the new blogs to keep track of, but couldn't find that page a moment ago  right now AOL is screwing up again on responding    anyways, this weekend after the Balloon Fiesta, i will post all those pics here, then move onto the new blog   so far as it appears, i'll be only to post one photo at a time on the new blog   well that means a lot of entries to post my photos, but so be it   so anyways, my friends hope to see you soon and don't forget to leave me your new blog place link....hugz

p.s.   i dont know that the new blog has "alerts" to let me know when you post, but i'll keep up with them daily as much as possible...

closing us down

ok, i JUST read Jeannette Jottings-see sidebar-   she let us know they're shutting down aol journals   as i got onto my journal, there at the top of the page is the announcement    i have yet to learn how to save this or where to go from here, but this pisses me off...anyone else know anything about this?   have you heard? ...i'll get back to you with what i learn today...hugz

overtime

ok it's sunday nite after work    i worked 2 1/2hrs OT at the store today unexpectedly   first i got there a half hour early just so i could run next door to Ruben's Grill for a burrito before beginning at noon   well Jim my boss called as i was walking in the door   he needed me to run an errand for the store   he told me to go ahead and clock in before doing it and so i did    well as the scheduled day came to a close, one woman walked out the door 5mins before i was to clock out   she was having a very rough day and asked me to stay   seeing her visibly shaken and the fact she filled in for me last weekend when i came home, i stayed another two hours just for her   i'm worried about her   she is the one i enjoy working with despite her foul language all the time   and i shouldn't complain about that for i've had my moments of doing the same   anyways, i'll check on her tomorrow   i hope she is ok....in the meantime, this woman gave me some sad news today    just a few days ago an old building down the street from the store, a block away, burned down   i saw it burning that night on my way home from work   well she told me that 5 homeless people died in that fire   we immediately thought about our guys we used to have  we wonder whether they were some of the victims   we have no way of knowing at this point but it seems likely, or so we think   maybe one day we'll know for sure what happened to those 2 homeless guys that used to hang around our store  God bless them all.....now, i'm totally exhausted   i'm just finishing my milk and heading to bed   it's been a good day really   i've enjoyed myself today working with my co-worker   it was just longer than i thought it wood be   It's all good   give a little   recieve a little....

sunday mornin...

a short note   i only have 3 workin days at the store YEAH!!!   today, tomorrow and wednesday   i couldn't be happier   it was another sad workin day yesterday   another day of where i was the only one doing the duties   it's OLD!!!    anyways today will be a bit better for i work with the other woman that actually works   she's a lot of fun aside from her foul mouth  it'll go by quickly:-)

now on for some better news   next weekend is the beginning of the Balloon Fiesta   i'm going probably on sunday   friday nite i start work at the church and will be there til 10pm or after   so it'll be too early to rise i think for the Fiesta on saturday morn   anyways, i'm anxious for the Fiesta to take photos   i'll post them asap....

in the meantime, i began reading The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch yesterday   my mentor Rev Jennie (or just Jennie) recommended it to me   so i'll let you know about the book soon too   has anyone else read it yet?

have a wonderful sunday!

i sat down..

well i came over to the computer and sat down   i sat too long   now i don't want to do anything except maybe go to bed    i was tidying up around here   still may clean the bathroom before hittin the sack   anyways, i noticed as i was cleaning that i'm sure bored with it   no wonder i don't do it as often as i "should"    i've been cleaning house since i was 10yrs old   think 40yrs of it is enough...lol   once i win the lottery i'll get a maid...

so, today was a good day  i've been off from the store for 2days in a row  YAY!!!    i stopped by the church to see Marsha first thing this morn and asked her to lunch for like the 4th time this week   she reminded me about the potluck on fridays   i had totally forgotten about it since i haven't been able to be there for like over a month now   well off i went and got chicken   the price of it was up a whole dollar   goodness   everything has gotten to be soooo expensive  $7 for a roasted chicken   i could buy a meal almost with that   at least i'd have veggies to go with that   anyways, the economy sucks right now and i'm not crazy about the bailout the govt wants to do with these companys and banks   when do they bail us out of such situations   we always got to pay the penalty, why not these people   and so is my thinking at the moment...anyways, on with my day    after the potluck with cake, i headed over to Jen's office to work a couple hours   i drag ass there sometimes just because i want to be elsewhere, but it only takes 2-3hrs to do the work   i think it's because i've done office work before   really dont want to do it again   and this stuff is tedious and menial   i know it plays an important role in her scheme of things, but just don't want to do it   however i'm honoring my word to assist her and i get to chat with her more often nowadays because of it   she's a great friend and mentor   so i really have no complaints....so after that i headed home and took a nap while waiting on Marsha to call   we were going to a movie, but she had an important date with her daughter   so, anyways, home i came and i started tidying up as i said   put the football game on-muted   turned the radio on and started jamming    i got a couple things done before teetering out   so here i sit, chattin with Jorje while writing this   but i'll need to get off here soon  i'm ready for the sack   it's been a day   tomorrow it's back to work...

fall is officially here...

    alas, fall is here!!!   and boy does it feel good   i'm lovin the fresh cool air right now   i even bought me a flannel shirt at the VA Hospital store   light weight, but i'm ready for my flannels   anyways, this entry is about my appointment today for my cataract   surgery is set for Nov 3rd   is that the day before the election?   hmmm, i wonder   i'll find out soon   i have no clue at the moment when exactly the election date is...anyways, the appointment went well   another female doctor   i don't know if they set it up that way, but it's kewl by me   all my doctors and my therapist are women   i love supporting women in their careers   so, Dr. Bogga (i think this is how she spelled it) told me that i don't have any options but surgery   my percentage of complications increased by 5% due to she really believes this is from the black eye i got when i was a teenager because normally it's both eyes that have cataracts, not just one like mine   and this is the eye the guy hit so many years ago   makes sense to me   she did say i'll need bifocals permanently from here on out   well i sorta knew that already just because i can't read a damn thing without glasses   they'll also fit me for prescriptions for the slight far-sightedness i have too   so i wonder, should i just go back to wearing my glasses all day again as i did delivering mail   time will tell   i do know i like to take a break from wearing glasses all day   so anyways, it's all good   i'm anxious to get this done and over with and nervous about it too   either Marsha or Maggie will be accompanying me for the surgery   we may have to be there as early as 5:30am   i may just volunteer for that time to get it done and over with   besides maybe i can just sleep thru the surgery since it'll be so early in the morn...anyways, that's the latest for me   i'll keep you posted on this when pre-op gets here and the other appointments for it   those will be next month    in the meantime, i'm relaxing with a beer   i see Rev Jennie tomorrow, my friend and mentor, for a practitioners session so i can discuss a few things   then she'll do a prayer treatment for me  i have tons to discuss and if i didn't have to work tomorrow, i'd take all afternoon   but we only have an hour and will squeeze in everything we can...one topic for discussion is Jesse's departure   after yesterday, Sandy thinks he may have a collapsed lung   i told her today that he's going to be busy doing something and make his transition standing or sitting up   she said that would make him happy   i can't blame him there   he keeps goin despite the pain, which i admire   he's got to do this his way and we are honoring that   God bless him   he's a pretty wonderful character!

1 down..5 to go

ok i just wanna bitch a little   first it's 10:30pm and i just took my meds for the night   that means i'm up til 1 or 2 in the morn again dammit   and so what is my bitch   work   but 1 nite down, 5 more workin nites to go  it'll go by fast, but i'm not sure fast enough   tonite i worked with another woman   i heard rumor she was not of the workin kind   well she lived up to the rumor for sure   then on top of that, bitchy customers n the store   i realized recently this is like an abusive relationship   this was the final reason for deciding to get the job at church   i mean customers come in with the bitchiest mood and just dump on you   and i gotta stand there and take it?   NO THANK YOU!!!   i swear i get bitchier every time i work there nowadays   and if it's not the customers using foul language quite often, it's my fellow co-workers cursin' up a storm themselves    ok, i didn't even have this at the p.o.   we didnt' allow it   not only did management not allow it, but we co-workers would not allow our peers to get out of hand   we'd hush it out before the person got carried away  i've noticed for a month now how my own attitudes have deteriorated   how i've been cursin more than usual..and i don't curse but once in a blue moon...i also want to drink beer more often myself  smoke more   i'm easily irritated and on and on and so forth   you get the picture   so for my well being, i'm headed to the church   thank goodness!!!....so enough is enough of abusive customers and fellow co-workers  it's the pits!!!   ok, first thing in the morn i'm goin hikin'  it's been a few weeks and i pray the fresh air cleans out my head from all this drama at the store   they don't pay me enough to stay there and i doubt there'd be enough money to keep me, except maybe a million dollars annually...lol    so anyways, thank j-land friends for lettin me get this crap off my chest!

sunday nite

Listen to the Exhortation of the Dawn!
Look to this Day!
For it is Life, the very Life of Life.
In its brief course lie all the
Verities and Realities of your Existence.
The Bliss of Growth,
The Glory of Action,
The Splendor of Beauty;
For Yesterday is but a Dream,
And To-morrow is only a Vision;
But To-day well lived makes
Every Yesterday a Dream of Happiness,
And every Tomorrow a Vision of Hope.
Look well therefore to this Day!
Such is the Salutation of the Dawn! -Kalidasa

well i sit eatin'  my ice cream   chocolate   always does the body good:-)    it's been a busy short day, although i would have liked to lounge around as i did yesterday    yesterday just before i went to work, i got nauseated-ugh    thought sure i was goin' 2 lose my lunch   i got 2 work  stayed 15-20mins and left   too much stress for the week   just couldn't hang being there   so i came home  laid down on the couch and was out like a light   once i woke, i just vegged in front of the tv   i felt better, but not that much better..then i slept for 12hrs last nite, waking at 10:30 this morn   goodness   hadn't done that in a very long time, or so it seems   just too busy this week    need to chill out again and take it easy

anyways, so once awake this morn and after the mornin brew, i hooked up with Marsha   we had lunch then off we went to Wally World to shop for things like toilettries and dog food   we also found Halloween t-shirts for Madison   i bought the shirt, she bought pants to match   we're both missing Madison badly right now   needless to say, Diana moved out of Marsha's house and of course taking Madison with her   I know it's harder on Marsha right now, but i sure do miss Madison....anyways, it was a fun time shoppin...

so then it was off to a bbq with Jesse....the original plan today was to shampoo my carpet and spend time with Jesse  needless to say, the carpet got put on hold for a couple more days.....so off Jesse and i went to my brother Stephen's bbq   he invited me last nite   it was an opportunity for me to get out and return his bicycle to him at the same time    i figured i needed to relax among people for awhile   well we get there and i soon remembered that if i don't know people in a social setting, i don't talk much  even Jesse asked if i had fell asleep   i knew  a few people, but just wasn't into striking up a conversation much   it's been awhile since i've been out meeting new people   i'm fine among my own friends, but strangers are a different story except at church   i know, go figure   guess it wasn't in my comfort zone   we only stayed a couple hours   the cool desert air was coming in and i started to get the sniffles again   i forgot to take a light jacket or sweatshirt   Stephen loaned me his, but it was too small   anyways, so i took Jesse home...now a note   i did take my camera to take Jesse's pic, but forgot about it until it was dark outside   Stephen didn't have enough lighting and Jesse is Creole with the appearance of a black man   he would not have shown up in the photos   so another day i'll get his photo and post here....hmmm, maybe i'm just into hanging with my close friends nowadays, in lieu of meeting a lot of new people   i heard that's what we do as we grow older   could be   time will tell   it was a good day anyways   i'm just feelin tired from workin' so much   that too will becoming to a close   just another week, maybe a half too, then i'm off to the church   but' the extra hours is paying off to make the transition in jobs much easier financially   It's all good   just really learning what i can and can't do anymore..... 

cool nite

thursday nite   just got home from class   it's prac preview   3 classes of it, then we actually start the class   it's a good class  interesting to say the least   it challenges my thinking regarding "spiritual knowledge"   but this is Science of Mind, our philosophy at our church   the class will be a challenge for me and i like challenges   before i go to bed i need to dig out some old notes from a previous class just to refresh myself on spiritual mind treatment (our affirmative prayer technique)   as i sat in class, i asked myself do i really want to do this   whether i want to or not, i'm doin' it   it's 36weeks long  minus 3 holidays and i'm in it for the long haul   anyways, interestin'...right now i'm questioning but that's the norm for me  i question until i know the truth for me  it's all good

in the meantime, before too long i will no longer have to deal with beer runs at the store   i've got the job at the church beginning the first of October   i do training for it next week sometime   it'll be good   or at least i hope so   i am anxious to leave the store although one small improvement has been made lately   well maybe i shouldn't call it an improvement considering   the boss put the order out to stop selling alcohol to the homeless man that only comes in to buy his Importers Vodka daily   it's in hope he'll move on   the boss also called the cops on the other homeless guy and he's no longer allowed near the store   he's gone   he was really no problem to me   but for some unknown reason to me the boss got tired of him too   i pray one day these two guys, and all homeless people, find their way to a better life...

now an update on Jesse   he appears to be gettin weaker   he keeps pushing himself to get up and get goin   he doesn't want to be bound to the bed for he knows once he does that, it's all over   he's fightin it in my perception which is understandable   i just don't know how much of a fight he has left   he did see a kineasology (sp?) doctor today and got some other herbal medication to help   let's see what happens from there   gotta see him soon   i was hopin to see him today, but it just didn't come together   he didn't sound too good when i first spoke with him, but as the day progress his spirit was up   he's got one hell of a strong will   who knows how much longer he'll will himself to live    he's last much longer than anyone expect   who knows he could pull out a miracle   i've been strugglin with the fact he'll be gone sometime soon   i know only his body dies and he moves on to another of God's mansions  but it doesn't make it any easier sayin good-bye   he's been a blessing to me these past few months   he's done me a lot of good just hanging out with him   a little healing of my soul and helpin me face my own fear of death   my views of life arent' the same as they used to be, but i haven't totally gotten to the greener pastures   Bless Jesse for the gift he is to me...

cars..cars..and more cars

extending my birthday today   or so it seems...first here are the photos i took yesterday   didn't realize i had taken 50 photos before the battery died   there's plenty of cars but there's a couple extra of baby goats, shetland ponies, another pheasant, colorful hat and whatever else i shot   i really enjoyed  these cars   they're all beautiful   of course i'm partial to the trucks   i did fall in love with one of the Dodge cars   i think it was a 38, beige and a bit brown coloring  anyways, i was in the middle of shooting the animals when the battery died   so maybe this sunday i'll be back out there for other photos i had wanted to shoot   it was a bit of fun while it lasted tho   it just wasn't meant to be for the entire day yesterday...

so anyways, i go to lunch with Marsha today   that was very pleasant today and she brought me my birthday present   it is a wind chime   i had mentioned months ago that she could get me one   i've always wanted one and just haven't ever gotten around to buying one, or more   she bought one with a sun on it since she remembered my days of rising for the sunrise   haven't done that lately, but i'll be back to doin that again from time to time   she was in good spirits today  one thing i love about Marsha is her sense of humor   although she hasn't heard from her daughter since the fight, she was being humorous about the situation today bouncing back to her real self despite it being painful for her  we had a good chat about what happened   in time her daughter will come around and she knows this  it's all good...

then i went to my doctor's appointment today   just an annual physical check up   i'm good except maybe my cholesterol is still up since my weight is still up   she didn't give me a lecture, but she did discuss exercise and diet again   later this week i'll do blood work to know my cholesterol   if it's the same or worse, she put me on medication for it   otherwise it's back to my exercising which i want to do anyways   not only for the health of it again, i love doing it and to start NOW to prepare for my Grand Canyon trip again next year...which by the way i talked to George the other day    he's finally starting to realize this isn't any easy trek he's going to be on and that he's way out of shape for it   now i'll wait and see if he follows thru...

now, when i got home from the doc, after running an errand for Marsha, i picked up my mail from the box only to find a package there from my sister   she too said she was sending a card   well i got a package with all kinds of stuff in it   it definitely was a surprise   got pencils, notepad, and a couple of calendars-one a mouse pad, the other pocket calendar with puppies on it  i also got 2 shirts  i laughed and had to call Marsha   she knows i have a thing for shirts  i buy them ALL the time   well my sis sent me not one, but two shirts from disney   i love 'em   it was a great present..o yes, she sent me some chocolate too:-)....

well then, i proceeded to do my dishes   i was determined to get some house chores done today   so i did the dishes and cleaned the kitchen except for mopping the floor    i then called Jesse for he mentioned earlier today he wanted to do something tonite  i didnt get a hold of him and he didn't call back   so i'm guessing he's in bed resting   i left him a message on the phone to go back to bed if that was what he was doin   he's been sleepin' a lot lately   he needs to save his strength   i'll call him in the mornin, and call Sandy in the meantime to make sure he's ok   he stays with Sandy and her husband at their house and has for some time   she's how i met him  she brought him to church a year ago or so.....

anyways, i'm resting tonite   i still have a slight head cold and need to rest myself before back to work manana  ..hopefully the good news will arrive tomorrow about my job at the church and i can start counting down the days til i get there.....sweet dreams...g'nite all   

k-not today...

so, it's been a birthday!!!   goodness where do i start   i'll try and unravel it as it happened....first, i called Marsha   she backed out of goin' 2 the fair   i said no problem and headed out the door goin' by myself   my adventure there was to take photos anyways   i got there early and good parkin'   but half the vendors weren't even open    so i just strolled toward the "barns" where the horses and other animals were   along the way i saw old antique cars   kewl more photos   anyways, i took a few photos of a horse before i realized i hadn't put my camera on auto focus  due to my cataract, those photos were all blurry, so i deleted them   i took a couple photos in the barn  they didn't turn out because i hadn't the camera on auto for the flash to pop up  Goodness  alas i get it all set right for the day=all auto   after taking photos of the antique cars and a few of the animals for pettin', the battery dies   i said OK, today's not the day for the fair   no Marsha   no Madison  and no photos-Oi!!!   i did have my funnel cake but it reminded me of how expensive the fair can be   i ate the whole damn thing   every last crumb for my $6, plus $3 for a bottle water  goodness   anyways, so i decide to head home   stop and get some dog food and bird feed   i'm goin home to watch football and call it a day   i'll cancel my dinner date(which i did) and just chill   but i wanted a football jersey to wear for the day  so i stopped at Target and purchased one   just wanted to be really chilled out bummin' for the day...

so i arrived home   there's a birthday package outside my door   o yes, i forgot Maggie wanted to hook up with me for my birthday card   well she dropped off a package   the card said "i hope u can use this"   i open it up and guess what was in it....a New Mexico football jersey   cotton tee with KAREBEAR on the back   boy did she have esp or what  it also happened to be the same shirt i saw not long ago somewhere that i liked  like i said..esp...anyways i call her and thanked her   she then brings over a plate of food from her party she had, plus a half gallon of Blue Bunny Vanilla ice cream AND home made fudge syrup-she made this herself   so i had a wonderful lunch and hot fudge sundae  delicious!  (and of course as usual she shows up at my place when it's at its worse).....it's all good (i got this sayin from her)...

so movin right along, it's 4pm   MY SON CALLS ME!!!!   this is a miracle in itself   it is also his birthday today too   transpose the last 2digits of the year of my birth, then you have the year of his birth   i know eerie, but kewl to say the least   we talked for a good 15mins   that's long in comparison when we usually talk   they celebrated his birthday last night BUT, they also celebrated his wife being pregnant   they just found out   I'M GOIN' 2 BE A GRANDMA!!!   what great news!  i'm ecstatic!   he did also let me know when he leaves for sure for Iraq in October  he's tryin to delay it a few days so he can celebrate his wife's birthday with her   i hope he gets it....

so as the day has gone by me watchin football, first my Bears happened to be on after all when i got home (which they lost on turnovers)  i then watched Denver Broncos (my second team) play and win, almost losing on turnovers   so i'm thinking, it's a pretty chilled day   happy i rested   so i then proceed to go back to Target to exchange the football jersey i bought earlier  i wasn't even a block down the road when Jesse called again   so he says "like are we doin' this dinner tonite or what"   remember, i called and cancelled it on him...anyways with his good spirit and harassing me, i said yes what time do i pick u up....moving time forward...so we decided to sit at the bar while waiting on a sit  in turn deciding to just eat at the bar   he starts tellin' me his stories again which i enjoy   i had ordered the Lobster and Shrimp dinner   the lobster was gone and all but 4 shrimp were gone when just as i'm about to bite into a shrimp, he begins his story of a job he had of bitin' chicken heads off   needless to say i didn't take a bite...lol....i couldn't believe my ears   being in the military and traveling a bit, i've heard stories   stories i wouldn't repeat  but i've never heard of this type job   it was a show and he got paid big bucks per chicken head   i still can't get over it, but he had me rollin in tears again tonite   he told me i'm in the lightweight hall of fame becaue i only had half a beer  (i was drivin' and i wasn't takin any chances with my meds and alcohol)   but anyways he had me rollin   on the way home after droppin him off i found myself sittin at a green light thinkin about them chicken heads  God!!!....anyways, i had a great time with him tonite   he picked up the tab, but i insisted on the tip   his company for my birthday was all i was seekin'   he ate heartedly again tonite   i was happy to see that   i'll be askin' him for another meal, but this time it's my treat   as he told me tonite before we went out,  "ya don't know if you're goin' to be around for your next birthday, so you just gotta go out"   he's right   live like there's no tomorrow   live like you were dyin'   ......

p.s. i did get a few photos at the fair   as soon as my battery charges, i'll download them and share

Thank you God for a wonderful day and a wonderful guy like Jesse and wonderful friends that i have here in New Mexico and all over j-land!!!

before dawn

  Under by~dechobek

good mornin   it's dark outside   pitch black   i've awakened before dawn for some unknown reason   haven't been up at this hour in quite some time   think i'll take a peek at the sunrise, if it should do so   forecast is cloudy today and i hear the wind howlin'  it's goin 2 be a cool morn at the state fair then, IF we go   Marsha stopped by the store yesterday while i was workin'   i hadn't gotten a hold of her in the past couple days and she stopped by to tell me she's ok   turns out her & her daughter (Madison's mom) had a falling out   it wasn't pretty   so needless to say, Madison won't be joining us for the fair   i'm a little disappointed but understand the situation wholly and what the disagreement was about   anyways, so Marsha had also mention goin to church since Rev Judy, our interim minister now, will be speaking  Rev Judy used to be the minister there about 15yrs ago or so   she's a wonderful woman, but there will be other times she speaks  so we may not go today....

in the meantime, life at the store was at its usual   the woman i work with now works sometimes and other times doesn't   she too takes a half a dozen cigarette breaks and talks to her boyfriend lots as well   another reminder one reason i'm leaving   then we got the phone call that SID was out too yesterday  the major reason i'm leaving   one co-worker begged me yesterday to stay and work one day a week so they wouldn't lose me  God NO!!!   she knows i'm a GOOD worker   i know i'm a good worker   this i have learned about myself   also the reason the church wants me   but there's no way in hell i'm staying at that store  it all hit me in the face the other day at once, in lieu of bits & pieces,  staying there is not an option!.....hurry up tuesday, the day i find out for sure when i start at the church!

now, if all goes well, i'll have my dinner with Jesse tonite at Red Lobster   with Marsha's 9/11 day, something about her not having cash for the fair and her ATM card not workin  i told her i had it   but i also owe Jesse a dinner so i had planned on paying for his dinner tonite   i also need dog food   it'll all work out, even if i have to wait a day or two for the dinner   i WILL get my Red Lobster dinner in soon   it's all good   Life happens like this sometimes   so i just go with the flow   so that will be the day today, goin with the flow   maybe by the end of the day i'll have photos from the fair   It's a great day already in my mind and heart   it can only get better... 

friday nite lights

goodness   it's friday nite  9pm  i'm home finally   got home a little while ago, but immediately learned i forgot to get my coffee creamer   so back out the door down to the store   i went without it this morn, but 2 morns in a row is not an option   inside my place it looks like a tornado hit it and i forgot to turn the air on so it's stuffy here-ugh   anyways, glad to be home early on fri-sat nites now   he's workin me 11am-8pm now   like it much better than the 2pm-10pm   but alas i won't be there hopefully much longer   on wednesday i called our church administrator and told her to put my name back into the hat for the Night Angel position   well yesterday she told me that myself and George  were the only ones who applied and George only wants one night   so i'm basically hired but she doesn't figure she'll actually start the position until approximately 1 Oct   wednesday when i went into the store to work, i just KNEW that i no longer wanted to be there for various reasons   so i'm goin' to the church   i look forward to it and some peace and quiet while workin'     ....

in the meantime, yesterday i also found out i have an appointment regarding my cataract surgery coming up on the 23rd of this month   at that time i'll find out when the surgery will be, or at least i hope so   i hope they do it soon   really tired of the blurryness at times   i wear my readers just to help for a clear focus, and they're not prescription   so needless to say, i'm anxious for this to be done and over although apprehensive at the same time   hopefully i won't have to take too much pain meds afterwards for that interferes with my other meds   damn if i do   damn if i don't   i'll keep u posted when it gets here.....

now, one more day and i'm off for two   i'm lookin forward to that!

remembering

   i know today we remember 9/11 and all those who lost their lives to that event   i would also like us to remember the soldiers who have since went to war because of that event...today, of all days, i ran into Danny   for those new to my journal, Danny is one of my former co-workers at the post office   Danny was a Marine Reservist who spent time on the front lines in Iraq at the start of the war   he was returned there again doing patrol in some of the treacherous places for another year   they wanted to send him a third time, but he decided to discharge from the Marines   he has 3 young girls, 2 newborns at the time of the second tour   he wanted to watch them grow up   but also the war has really affected him   he told me today he's working on retiring from the Marines and the post office   it's all too much for him now   he's seeking treatment again   i don't know his diagnosis, but i'm guessing PTSD   anyways, i'd like for us to remember our soldiers past and current who have been affected from 9/11 as well   may we keep them in our prayers so they may heal and move on with life normally    my son also returns there in about a month   may our prayers and our votes elect us a president who will bring our troops home permanently giving the Iraqis their country back while giving our soldiers back to US    we have not forgotten, we will never forget....

just around the corner

   tuesday evening   the sun is setting after a bit of rain   it's cooler nowadays at nite at least here by the mountains   i've got the sniffles   i just took a shot of J.D.   hopefully with the little bit of whiskey a day i can hold off getting the cold full blown    it's been a lazy day again   i woke about 10:30am but that was because i didn't get to sleep til 3am   don't know why i'm not sleepin lately, but i'd like to get back on track with that   anyways i called Jesse for brunch   he happened to be down the street   so i met him at Chili's for lunch   it was a great visit   i love listening to his stories   i swear he's done it all or at least in the Jack of all trades business   he cooks, is a handyman and rebuild auto machines   he's always keepin himself busy with some kind of project, but he could have easily fallen asleep at lunch today   he has a sense of humor about his impending death bed  "it is what it is" he says   but today he at least ate a full plate of food   i had heard he hadn't been eatin much   so anyways, as i said, it was a good visit   i invited him to dinner sunday nite provided no other friends have plans for me   for my birthday i treat myself to Red Lobster   that's the only time i go and the taste of the food remains delicious   so we'll see if we make it this sunday   if not, maybe monday after my doctor's appointment (just a regular check up for a annual physical exam)   anyways, i'm just lounging right now trying to rest so this "cold" won't get any worse   i work tomorrow, but i'll at least be working with someone that works and i don't have to do all of it myself   so until something exciting happens soon  i'll be seeing ya...hugz

happy birthday 2 me..

   monday monday    easy like sunday mornin....anyways, i took it easy today   needed to rest although i almost rode my bike up to Bandelier   by the time i got to Cottonwood Mall, i was tired   so i decided not to take that ride today   on the way there i stopped by and talked to the boss   he'll work me 4days for now, but will split them up for me so i don't work more than 2 in a row   yesterday reminded me of why i'm medically retired   so anyways, this means i get this sunday off which happens to be my birthday  YAY!!!    and i'll be going to the New Mexico State Fair with Marsha, Lil Madison and Diana (Madison's mom)   as i was contemplating going to the fair by myself to take photos of people, events and animals, i thought of Madison   why couldn't i take her photo of petting those goats and other small animals set aside just for kids   so i asked Marsha for my birthday present, let's all go   so we're goin'!!!   i still may need to go by myself to take photos of other events, IF i decide to do so, but my birthday is set   Marsha wants Madison to get in her first rides on the kiddy rides at the fair   so i'll take loads of photos of my favorite subject=Madison   who know's maybe i could win her a toy (not likely)   so i'm excited about the day to come....in the meantime, Jane from church called checkin in on me   she had heard i withdrew my application for the Night Angel position   i explained why  6days a week there was waaaaaay too many   she understood perfectly   she's steppin down from some of her volunteering there as well   i love my church and the people there, but we could make a soap opera out of it sometimes   Goodness......now, about Jesse   i had to call Sandy to check on him   he's slowin' down quite a bit   he's pretending everything is ok with everyone, except Sandy sees him in the bed a lot, how long it takes him to do things, and he's using his oxygen more often   so i'm making it a pact to call him daily just to day hello   and i'll make sure i' see him once a week or more if possible even if we just sit and have coffee    he did call me back today after i called him a few times the past couple days (he's not taking many phone calls right now either)   i told him i love him and i'll see him soon   i know he's tryin to be mr macho thru all this, but i'd like to let him know he can humble himself and ask for help   he took off towards Santa Fe this morn and didn't tell anyone where he was going    i had to call Sandy this afternoon to make sure he got home safely   he was by 2pm  back in bed restin'  thank goodness   this isn't easy, but i'm learning from him a little more about illnesses and death   i like his perspective on things  i just wish him the best   gotta spend more time with him before he goes....

winning tickets

   so, my Bears won tonite    i came home to the news after work   i usually don't work sundays, but i did tonite   this news made me happy today   i wasn't too happy at work today   i walked in there discovering i was working with the same woman i did yesterday...UGH...she was a little better today   learned she's only been employed one week with no register experience   my boss shut down the powerball machine so it was out-of-order while she was on shift   but i still got frustrated a bit with her   she messed up the register a few more times and the customers' orders   but thankfully it was a much slower day   i was able to get some of the other duties done today   but i still had to hang out closely to the register   just not what i wanted to do today   i was hopin Krissy was back, the woman who was supposed to be there yesterday   learned she's in Farmington, NM, 4hrs away from here and gone a week i suppose..i'm thinkin IF she comes back   i think that's where home is for her....anyways, i've learned already, 3 days in a row are too much for me   will call the boss tomorrow and ask him to split them up a little more   2 days on, 2 days off, 2days on  or something like that   anyways, i'm fine   now having that beer tonite   chose the milk last nite, but after today, beer is good    i even had a cigarette at work today, but that wasn't much help   i had won $11 on the lottery from my tickets yesterday  spent it on cigarettes  i initially wanted to try the American Spirit   so i did and they were too strong, but of course i didn't buy the ultra lights   so i gave that pack away and bought my usual ultra lights   a pack will last me 6months or more usually   i was almost out anyways   right now the beer is just perfect   now i'll sleep well tonite  ...and that's where i'm headed.

thought 4 the day

There is a time in every man's education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance; that imitation is suicide; that he must take himself for better for worse as his portion . . . It is the harder because you will always find those who think they know what is your duty better than you know it. It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.-

quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson....photo by me

i just found this quote   a great reflection of me at times   i can be in the midst of a crowd and have my solitude  ...today will be one of those days...

interesting

Have a history teacher explain this ---- If they can?

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839. Lee
Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their! three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called a 'Lincoln' made by Ford.

Booth ran from the theater and was caught in a warehouse.
Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials! And here's the
kicker:

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

Creepy, huh?

 

got this from a friend in an email....i had heard of some aspects of Lincoln & Kennedy to be similar, but not this many.

 

o yes, i forgot to tell you this   i decided not to take the job at the church   if i did i would have been there 6days a week   5days a week just to get my hours in i needed, plus one niight  a week for my practitioner class   that's way too much   at my current job i can get those work hours in 2 days   nope too much at the church   and my therapist said so also    i also resigned as the church's hiking coordinator   well not only did he change my hours on saturdays where i couldn't do it, i also realized that even if we changed one saturday a month to the 2-10pm shift that would make for a very long day for me    it would be hiking 3-4hrs in the morn, then going to work for 8-9hr shift   way too much for me   so eventually i''ll be working for the church in another capacity volunterrily most likely   it's all good.....in the meantime this morn, i'm still laughin from last nite   but tonite i'll have that beer or wine in lieu of the milk i decided last nite   i was dreaming of waiting on customers this morn as i woke-ugh   and i was in some foreign country while doin it   go figure....

milk..beer..or wine?

  so, like it's saturday nite   i'm finally home work   it was one heck of a day, especially this afternoon    so these past couple weekends my boss has me in @ 10or11am working til 7 or 8pm   so i work with the mornin person and the afternoon person   well for the second weekend in a row and second day in a row, the afternoon person doesn't show up   my boss strolls in about 2 this afternoon i'm like wondering why the hell is he here   well again the afternoon person called in   so while he's busy elsewhere i'm holdin down the fort, but occasionally he does come help with the long lines   well there was another manager in the store purchasing things and offered us one of his employees for the rest of the shift  she came over really quickly   kewl i'm thinking some relief   well i soon learned that although she's been working for our company for 3weeks, she doesn't know how to use the register nor the powerball machine  O God, chapter 13   it was not a good scene for the customers and for some reason we were unusually busy today   normally our saturdays are slow, but not today   they came out of the woodworks   she seriously fumbled often with even one or two customers walking out on her in the middle of a transaction   and i was taking care of 6 customers to her 1   and i didn't know that the boss was still around   he had gone back in his office and closed the door   i couldn't leave her alone behind the counter   she was still strugglin' hours later when i got off the shift   after awhile after stressin it out for hours, i started to crack up laughing   what else was i to do   i'm still laughin   one regular customer came in and i punched in a birthday for her before she gave me her id   she's in her 60s or 70s   anyways, as she was givin me her id, she was tellin me her birthdate   i told her i punched her in younger, but i could do it all over if she wanted   we both started crackin up laughin   i was rollin into tears by that time  tears of laughter   that was the second best thing of the day    the best was an ol' friend of mine i haven't seen in like many years came into the store   she was my realtor when i lived up in the mountains over 7yrs ago    i haven't seen her since   it was great to chat for a moment and get her number    she's moved back into town right now and divorcing her husband   that's all i got in 5mins with her while waiting on her    so we'll have to go to coffee soon   she looks great   happy she's still around (and i mean that literally)    anyways, now i sit chillin debating on my choice of drink for the night   my usual is milk, but i may have to have that alcohol tonite   this afternoon was really really really hectic, but i have a smile on my face:-)!

p.s.  God bless that woman that came to help me today   she did her best!

sleepy day...

    491 by evy-and-cats

so this looks like how i feel all day today    i woke this morn after a few hours sleep   i drank my brew and finally got on with my day about noon time    but i was feelin' really tired   i packed my bags so i could go to the mountains   i then went to Applebee's for brunch only to not enjoy the steak i had   i hadn't eaten there in a very long time   so i stopped a few weeks ago for some pasta   stopped today for my steak   the food there no longer tastes as good as it used to be   it seems bland compared to previous times   so anyways, i moved on from there on to the VA   i had to pick my meds that my doc ordered for me   i ran out of refills and had to call her   so the VA was my priority today   but still after that, i was feelin real tired    so i came home   took a nap and am still lounging around   all the stress lately must have caught up with me   i've finally let go of things i've needed to   so tonite i sit watchin more tennis, although it's the first night of the NFL football season   tennis arrives intermittently   i watch it when i can   football season is just beginning with more to come...i'm ready to crawl in for another nap   and so is the day for me under the covers...

success

Success

To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded. -Bessie Stanley (adapted; erroneously attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson)

it is the wee hours of the morn, 2am almost, i woke from a dream that disturbed me somehow   once i opened my eyes it was clear to me as to when the bills will be paid   spring time next year   there is light at the end of the tunnel   i must keep it at my grasp  it has been there, but i've let it slip away   so anyways, i will succeed again  no doubt about it   and with those thoughts i found the above quote and the ones below   it its in the midst of the cancel trip that i sense anew again that it isn't so much the bills, but how i live my life   the way in which i react to it as well   do i dive into sulking or to i pick my ass up off the floor and forge ahead with a new perspective  a new determination  a new attitude towards money   it is the thought by which i live that creates a better life   a better reality   anyways, these quotes on this entry are  loftier perspectives for me to contemplate and embrace for the living in the moment   i like Einstein's for they provoke thought   they reflect true value   i've written them down so i may see them time to time....

Albert Einstein:

Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value.

    The ideals which have lighted me on my way and time after time given me new courage to face life cheerfully, have been Truth, Goodness, and Beauty...The ordinary objects ofhuman endeavor--property, outward success, luxury--have always seemed to be contemptible.

Abraham Lincoln:

     Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other thing.

i have felt for a long time now, that success is defined individually by one's own thoughts   i know i have succeeded in life already in some ways   now is the time to succeed in a different light...

old photo...

    i was browsin' thru my old photos and found this one    i had forgotten i took this pic a few years ago on a visit to Bandelier National Park   she sure is a beauty    as i was browsin the photos i surprise myself on how some seem to look better now than when i initially took them   but that is my critical judgment of my own photos   that's why nowadays i show them to others to get a better view and opinion...

anyways, it's wednesday nite   i just finished watchin the Williams sisters play a tennis match at the US Open    their matches are really the "finals" no matter when they play   tonite was just a quarterfinal match  but they're both awesome and i think the best women tennis players nowadays regardless of their rankings   i have yet to see any other women players really top their performances.....anyways, it was a nice way to chill out and take my mind off things   today i made another decision   i decided not to take the job at the church   while chattin with Rev Jennie about it today, i remembered i'd be there 5-6days a week at the church gettin in my hours needed plus one nite for practitioner class   that's too much for me and this illness   i even talked to my therapist about and she agreed   so two decisions in two days   i know yesterday's decision is the RIGHT decision   i was hurt and disappointed about my cancelled trip, but i feel better for making the right decision   i must honor my obligations for that is honoring my word which stays in line with my integrity   there is still something for me to learn with the bills, but i'm gettin there   i've had every attitude i could think of it to embrace them, but i think i still fight like the dickens at times   in a couple weeks i'll have a counseling session with Rev Jennie to talk about   she definitely always says something i have yet to think of which gives me better perspective and a better way to embrace whatever i'm workin' on   it's all good   for now, tomorrow i'm going to the Sandia Peak, weather permiting   i'll talk to the wind and the Lord-God of my Being for some answers   i'll soak up the greenery, fresh air and sunshine refreshing my Soul while beginning anew   i'll take a hike and rejuvenate my body too   i have yet to decide on whether to take my camera, but i probably will   there is purposeful good in all life, in all things   i know i will find that purpose in my bills as well and why i keep creating them unnecessarily   this is this thing called life, an adventure to know   sometimes i accept it and embrace, other times i don't   and so is the journey here whatever we may cross  it is a blessing, no matter how hard at times it seems...

cloudy day

   ok, here's a pic of the Grand Canyon i took about 5yrs ago   didn't think i had it on my computer   it's tuesday morn, i'm fine   disappointed big time that i'm not going there right now, but i WILL get back there next year for sure   i won't take my trip to Washington state    the canyon will be my number one priority, well second to my son   i was really angry for awhile yesterday, but i slept it off   today's a new day although i cool one   the clouds hover with no sunshine peeking thru   the wind blows its cool air just enough for a light sweatshirt   ...and i was just lookin at the paper which reminded me of the State Fair arriving this weekend   maybe i'll go take photos of the horses and other animals (plus it's free parking this year)   i also remembered the Balloon Fiesta is coming soon too   i went lookin for some of my old photos but they're not on this computer and i don't have them on disk   i do remember posting them years ago, but that was my old computer which went into the trash   so i'll definitely be going out there for more photos and will take black&white too since i found my yellow filter   and in sunday's paper this week, i discovered another place in the four corners area to visit, Canyon de Chelly National Monument   so i'll go there this winter, Jan/Feb sometime, while also pursuing Mesa Verde   Four Corners is where Arizona, New Mexico, Utah & Colorado all meet   it's a beatiful area to visit    i'd go next month on my motorcycle, but every extra penny right now will go to the bill that just came in yesterday   there is light at the end of the tunnel, just have a little further ways to go   all is not lost, there are always other adventures to explore....

Love the moment. Flowers grow out of dark moments. Therefore, each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed.-Corita Kent

 

i just cancelled....

i JUST cancelled my trip to the Grand Canyon   a financial wrench just hit me today   won't go into details, but i hate bills   i'd rather focus on gettin a few bills paid before i go to the canyon   plus i was really uncomfortable with George and my conditioning at the moment    i really don't think 2 months will get us into the shape we need to be   he's going to go anyways IF i can get the permit changed in his name   it's in my name   he had already found another woman to go with him yesterday   maybe i wasn't feelin' all that comfortable about going with George  nothing personal, but i kept gettin the feelin he really doesn't know how tough this trip will be    i recognized just how much i'm out of shape, and he not be as serious as we need to be for the trip wasn't helping much    anyways with this financial wrench today, i knew immediately to postpone this for sure   now i' can just get back into shape slowly but surely   i'll keep the workout during the winter as well  will shoot for the spring, april or may, to go to the canyon   plus it'll be warmer   it's already cooler than usual here right now   i'm guessing it's going to be a cold winter like last year and it came in beginning in November   anyways, it's all good   i actually feel relief   i will go somewhere soon for a nice bike ride   so much happening right now anyways   the job transition again and then practitioner class starting in another week   the class doesn't start, but there's a 3 week preview we are required to attend  i'm ready to settle into winter already i think   for now, i'll settle in front of the tv watchin tennis....until laterz...hugz

husky puppy

    Husky Puppy 1223 by Sooper-Husky

ok, i love this photo from deviantArt   but if i see anymore photos like this, i'll have to go get me a puppy....lol

anyways, it's tuesday morn   Thank Goodness!!!   yesterday was a learning day @ work   first i found out that i made time & a half for working the holiday   that was good news   good for the pocket book....then my co-worker proceeded to tell me about an incident at work between her and the graveyard crew   so i'm standing there listening to this   she went over it a few times to say the least   her and another woman almost got into a physical altercation   the other woman seemed to try and provoke her into a fight    the bottom line was the graveyard crew has been trying to push their duties onto her    this is the young woman that doesn't work much   well i also learned about the graveyard crew as well   they don't work much either   i've worked the morning shift, the evening shift   there's only about 2 of us that actually really works (and we're both ex govt employees)   the others want to stand around and chat with their friends, or each other   talk on the phone   text messages   take as many cigarette breaks as possible  and whatever else so as not to be working   so i'm listening to my co-worker and i almost crack up laughin   it hits me this genre of workers really don't work   they don't even want to earn the money they do get and it isn't bad money   i make $8 an hour there   so i'm assuming they do too  they work 40hrs a week   it's not great money, but you can live on it    so i was enlightened about the working class and the "other" working class of people   these people have no ambition  no drive   no desire for improving their lives   or so it appears to me   i always thought that those who made less than, just didn't get a good break in life   now i know otherwise   maybe i'm being judgmental but i think i've discern here pretty fairly   i mean this job doesn't even take elbow grease to do it   granted i know not all people working for less are as these people i work with   there are those who are doin these jobs until the next step comes along   just like my burger joint got me started until i went into the military    forgive me, i just hadn't realized that there are a class of people who have no ambition   well maybe i have, just haven't seen it in a long time   actually don't think i've seen since i left the nest having family members in the same boat at that time   anyways, it's all good  it's all God   each must live their life on their own terms   this job has given me an opportunity to see myself in a different light   this one and the last job at the mall   people watchin' is a great way to learn about one self too   i am not in judgment really of anyone  i am not better than anyone, but i've learned about my differences that set me apart   that includes people at church as well   the last few years i've needed to learn about myself again since the illness   sometimes i haven't understood other people and it was really i needed to understand myself   it isn't that others are doin or not doin, it's just i have a different perspective on life at times and believe differently as well   that's what i meant by what sets me apart   and i'm not really separate from them   I am One with everyone   we are all just in different places in our journey in life for as many reasons as there are people   anyways, it was a good enlightening day at work   i also realized that the "politics" at church are no different than the "politics" at work   so the question is WHERE do i want to deal with the politics   i'll take church for sure   i stay centered better there and can let it flow from me much more easily..i think   here's hopin Ellen calls me today..it's a beautiful day  i'll be doin errands, working at Jen's office and taking a hike today   would LOVE to take a motorcycle ride, but too many things to do...enjoy the moment   yesterday is gone, tomorrow isn't here...there is only NOW!!

$5

  ok, i keep forgettin' it's Labor Day tomorrow   here's hopin all of you have a great holiday...i work 2pm-10pm, but i'd sure like to pull out the grill and cook   running across this sign i realized i haven't pulled out my grill all summer   holy cow!!!!    well i'm going to have to make up for that soon   if not next sunday, then on my birthday    ....anyways, i'm sittin here sunday nite waitin' on Jorje to put Roury (22months) to bed   then we'll continue chattin'   her husband Mark just got activated to ship out tomorrow to Louisiana   she's hopin' his eyes will get opened and learn to appreciate what he has at home   let's hope Gustav doesn't do too much damage  and i just read 1.9million people have been evacuated from the Gulf coastal lines   also say a prayer for Marti & her family and friends @ Porch Stories will be safe in Mobile, AL   as i read, Gustav will hit in the morn, Labor Day    say a prayer for everyone in that region   and Indigo @ Raven's Lament, wrote that there's an Animal Rescue team already on the scene for the pet rescues   sounds like America is far better prepared this time than Katrina   until tomorrow....

now, the $5....i contacted Comcast to inquire on the Sports Package they have...i'm wondering if i could hook into the Chicago Bears more often this season....anyways, it's only going to cost me $5 more a month...like i need more sport options   must be n a mood for it right now....US Open Tennis is playin now...time to watch! 

Can I See?

                          

Judge of your natural character by what you do in your dreams.-Ralph Waldo Emerson

                               Can I See? by mikona46

alas, another day   i finally made it to church on sunday after taking a few months off   summer i usually take off, but i began the summer break before it was actually here    anyways, today was Rev Patrick's last service   it was a memoriable one  i cried  others cried feeling the loss of a friend   he's been there 12yrs   i've only known the past 5yrs   an inspirational speaker with lots of love in his heart   i will miss him sorely for awhile   i embraced him after the service to give my offical good-bye   then Sue his wife   she'll be missed as well   once their house sells here, they're moving back to Connecticut where Sue is from   from this point forward he has freed himself for other public speaking   so maybe we'll get him as a guest speaker sometime in the future   anyways, i cried more than i expected   actually wasn't expecting to do so at all   but i also was basking in the love i feel there when i'm there   it is a wonderful place full of people who genuinely care   it's overwhelming at times for me   tears do flow often when i attend...anyways, i saw lots of people there i know   hadn't realized until last month i think that i knew so many people, all from just volunteering or most anyways   i do know a few from classes attended    anyways i always get a warm reception   it is good for me especially since the years of my life before this church were so challenging   what a blessing it is...i did speak momentarily with Ellen, the administrator, today   she said she's callin' me this week about the job   everyone i mention it too loves the idea of me being theNight Security Angel   and they think i'm the ideal person  so i finally asked Mary today why she thought that after she iterated too   she mentioned the love i have as well as the ties to the community   i hadn't thought of that   that place does bring out the best in me just by being there   and i hadn't thought about the community ties   again i'm just realizing all those i know   anyways i'm thinking it'll be good for me and me being a practitioner one day there    the change in being surrounded by people, and very caring people, has been a major adjustment for me   i spent so many years alone   i've been a loner for awhile for different reasons and not necessarily intending to be that way   but working at the p.o., i was alone most the day every day, then i'd come home and be alone except for my dogs   then i did things alone on my own too   it was good for me though   really helped build my inner strength   the illness also contributed to that isolation at times, still does occasionally   but now i know how to manage my time better so as not to isolate myself   i still have my alone time, but i'm not isolated   there is a difference   alone time for me is necessary for my well being   words cannot really explain, it's just me.......anyways, i also saw Jesse today for a little bit   we chatted after service for awhile before we both needed to move on in our own directions   if it wasn't for his illness, i think we'd be dating by now   i've sensed a chemistry with him and i haven't sensed that with anyone for a very long time   but we both know his time is short, however long that may be   yet i am grateful for the short time we have to just hang out and be    Sandy did tell me the other nite that i'm the one he's most comfortable with   i had asked her a few questions after the last baseball game we attended to understand where he was coming from   so it was good   i'll be his buddy or companion until he's gone   as i told Sandy, i'd just like to see him enjoy himself as much as possible while he's here   she would like the same thing   so my plate is full as usual   but this is good too   sometimes since retiring i've had too much tiime on my hands   the past few months have been a good change for me   feels like i'm finally finding that balance of alone time and being with friends  FINALLY!!!!

the above photo is from deviantArt.com   i would have loved to been the photographer behind this photo   just had to share it....

saturday nite...

   a 10hr day at work today    haven't done that in awhile   i was definitely ready to leave at my scheduled time although my co-worker was going to be by herself for an hour   i went in an hour early so another co-worker wouldn't be by himself    made for a long day, but i made it thru   just don't tell my doc   it won't be a constant happening anyways   every once in awhile won't hurt....so Louise, one of my baseball buddies, called for me to attend the UNM Women's Volleyball match tonite   initially i said yes, but then i called back later and changed my mind   by 4:30 this afternoon i was beat   some how i manage to make it to 7pm my end tour for the day    i really would have liked to have gone to the volleyball match, but i was really ready to come home and just chill   put a college football game on, but i'm not even paying attention to it yet   will kick my feet up here soon and relax...the best thing that happened today was my landlord came over and put in my new kitchen garbage disposal   i bought it, he put it in    least i could do since i've been late for rent too many times   they're patient and understanding, but i will get it back on track soon   i will also do a few other things to this place all in time and once i have my finances straighten out    i absolutely hate the kitchen counters   so a few years down the road i may put in new counters and/or new cabinets as well   i foresee me living here a very long time, unless i decide to find a house to rent   but that would mean more projects i'd do which is one of the reasons i got out of home ownership   i LOVE being a home owner,but i spend ALL my money on home improvements   now living in an apartment i spend that money on road trips and adventures   more play time   i LOVE travelling too and until i win the lottery, this apartment is PERFECT for me.....anyways, a little improvement here will go a long way for me   just my kind gesture in gratitude for them being patient with me and allowing me to live here with my 2 dogs   will probably rebuild the fence outside too   that'll probably be next   i just making this place my HOME SWEET HOME!!!    anyways, that's it for tonite   i'll catch ya again soon....

at home with the news

so i' come home tonite after work to the news of John McCain's V.P. pick   so he chooses a woman   that doesn't surprise me   and that doesn't sway my vote anyways   i would have love for Obama to pick Hillary for V.P candidate, but it didn't happen    Palin doesn't represent what i stand for   most Republicans don't   i don't think Palin's nomination is a victory for women at all   she's anti-abortion   i'm pro-choice   i don't want any government telling me what i can or cannot do with my body   ...anyways, i ususally don't make political statements here  but today i chose to do so   today was a good day startin' with my hike   the wind blew my cares away before i went to work   i was so much more relaxed at work today after the hike   too bad i won't have time for another hike before work tomorrow, but i need to be in earlier and i need to water my ex-boss' lawn before i do   but earlier in means i get to leave earlier tomorrow nite  it's all good.....i did also talk to Ellen, our church administrator, today about the job i applied for   i wanted to make sure i could have at least 16-20hrs there, otherwise it wouldn't be worth me going there   she insured me that i would   George told me on the hike today that he's doin one day a week of that job, so i needed to find out how many were goin' to be on the team and how many hours i'd get   i'm confident i'll get the job   they know my work from volunteering and are probably a little bias about me   and actually Ellen did tell me she had me in mind when the job came open   so now i just need to wait it out   i didn't tell my boss at the convenience store today about it yet   i want the job in hand before i do   so anyways, all in all, Life is Good still   as my friend Anne said in comments recently, it's mentally challenging at times   she sure did hit the mark on that one!    Thanks Anne   you're a gem!

a better day

   Yesterday i dared to struggle. Today i dare to win.-Bernadette Devlin.

this morn i sit waitin' on George   i talked to him over an hour ago   we're suppose to hit the trail before i go to work, but not before gettin' coffee   i wanted to be on the trail startin' in 10mins   i have to work today   i wanted a longer hike than we've been doin'   i pray it works out, but i HATE being rushed about anything anymore   he was anxious for me to call this morn at 6am, now he's draggin ass   o well....

anyways this morn i'm feelin' better than yesterday   maybe the wine helped last nite   i finally got to bed early and fell asleep right away  ..so i found the above quote to start my day   i've been stressin' lately about the Grand Canyon trip   feelin' way out of shape and it's goin' to be real tight financially, but i'm confident we'll get there regardless   i've been workin thru my money issues  the fact that i keep gettin myself in debt needlessly   it's a pattern, but i finally got to the root of the problem deep inside me, just a couple days ago   i feel i need to find that belief(s) within, before i can truly make a change on the outside   feelin' worthless has been part of the problem   spending money to make myself feel better has been the solution   i know there are other ways to feel better   i also realized yesterday while riding my bicycle that excercise no matter how small makes me feel a whole lot better and stronger in the long haul    i'm more disciplined with my money matters and other things in my life   it's like i fell more apart since retiring and hadn't been able to pull myself back together   finally i recognize what it's going 2 take   one day at a time, one foot in front of the other, i'll get it done   it's an uphill challenge, but one i know i can defeat   i've done it before, i can do it again   and it can be turned around in a matter of a few months.....anyways, gotta run   George is finally here....have a great day!   go out to win!

what am i made of?

   Spring Thaw-Mormon Row by Nzeman

 

If you think you can, you can. And if you think you can't, you're right. also attributed to Mary Kay Ash -Henry Ford

still the same evening   i chose tennis to watch in lieu of football   although i did see a few minutes of the games, they weren't holdin my attention....but alas, i sit with a glass of wine pulling myself together   it has been a day of unworthiness or so i have felt   i swear the illness dug deep within and brought out all my fears, my insecurities, inhibitions and "i can't" attitudes   i rode my bicycle again tonite   i noticed my will power has diminished   i need to be mentally tough again   shattered to pieces by the illness, i need to continue to regain my strength, mentally and will power   sometimes it feels like a daily battle   i go strong for awhile, then i slip into depression   it is a roller coaster ride with the many ups & downs that the blues bring   right now i know i'm physically out of shape   today i learned i'm mentally out of shape too   the bicycling, the hiking and any exercise will bring back to me the strength i know i am   o it is there still, but it seems to me at the moment i am not what i used to be   it is time for discipline of myself   each day a new beginning, a new goal to achieve one step at a time....

You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself one.-James A. Froude

attitude is everything!

 the illness it seems, erodes me, but i must fight it   i am stronger than it is....

Streets Of Philadelphia lyrics

I was bruised and battered I couldn't tell

what I felt

I was unrecognizable to myself

I saw my reflection in a window I didn't know

my own face

Oh Brother are you gonna leave me

wastin' away

On the streets of Philadelphia



I walked the avenue 'til my legs felt like stone

I heard the voices of friends vanished and gone

At night I could hear the blood in my veins

Black and whispering as the rain

On the streets of Philadelphia



Ain't no angel gonna greet me

It's just you and I my friend

My clothes don't fit me no more

I walked a thousand miles

Just to slip this skin



The night has fallen, I'm lyin' awake

I can feel myself fading away

So receive me brother with your faithless kiss

Or will we leave each other alone like this

On the streets of Philadelphia

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are you ready for sum football!

  it's late afternoon   in about 30mins, football will begin   officially for the college game   still preseason for the pros    i have about 5 games to choose from tonite   which one will i choose?   doesn't matter really for i'll be busy doin' other things once play starts....

but this entry is about a new job possibility for me    it arrived on my doorstep today   i went to lunch with Marsha today   she's our Financial Coordinator at our church (Albuquerque for Spiritual Living)   somehow we got to chatting about my job and i told her i liked it EXCEPT for one thing=having SID hanging over our heads setting up sting operations    well, Marsha then proceeded to tell me about 3 job opportunities at church that just opened up   one being the Night Security Angel (or officer)   basically having someone there in the evening to assist others that are there and most importantly insure the church is securely locked up once everyone is gone   she told me the pay   the hours, the job description   soooo...after lunch i immediately went to Ellen, the church administrator and talked to her   got an application...came home filled it out....went back and turned it in   it's a perfect job for me   and my availability is ideal for the church as well   i know some of the duties already since i volunteered for a year there, over a year ago   Ellen was really happy that i applied   another friend there too was happy i applied   it'll be a great way to get back to my community there too   i know now's the time to return   they've missed me and i've missed them  (although i do need my time off from them at times)   anyways, i feel pretty damn good about it   if it wasn't for SID, i'd stay where i am   but being at the church will be even better   i also told them i'm available for the weekends and i'm flexible   anyways, i'm happy just for the opportunity   in addition to this job, there is the Adult Ed Coordinator which i may apply and do it as a volunteer  the pay is really minimal on it, $5 per student that completes a class   i'd do it just for the experience of it all   it would be good too for becoming a practitioner at church, continuing giving to my church community    i just need to make sure i don't take on more than my illness can handle   the "old" me keeps saying i can do it all   the illness keeps tellin me to slow my ass down   IT'S ALL GOOD!!!   slow allows the enjoying the present moment in time....

the dark knight

  Clown Prince of Crime -InsaneKane87

so, i finally see this movie tonite   wanted to see Heath's last picture   he performed greatly   something about the movie tho was disappointing to me, but i can't place a finger on it at the moment   it was a dark movie and i didn't care for the twisted ending  and it twisted my mood as well   i'll have to think about sum of the messages conveyed there   interesting to say the least   glad i finally got this movie out of the way   i haven't seen a movie in months   the previews caught my eye, but nothing really stood out   Keanu Reeves will be in another one in the future, but the subject matter didn't hold my attention   so although Keanu will in it, i'll skip it    hopefully i'll find a better movie soon, or another good book at least   books hold my attention better than the film industry   all is not lost   i needed to vegge tonite and that is what i did!

still no kitty

so i went and got the kitten   at the moment she sits atop my desk here   the dogs are outside and that's where they'd be if i kept her    i kept her in the crate when i brought the dogs inside   they sniffed, she swiped at them   don't think she'll ever be where she's not afraid of anything bigger than her   Vicky was tellin' me that the kittens are even afraid of a much bigger cat that hangs around her house   i sit here tryin' to figure if there's a way to keep her  IF she could ever get used to the dogs, or just not the dogs, but anything bigger than herself....anyways, Vicky just picked her up   she sure is a lovable kitten   she purred the whole time she was here when she wasn't atop my desk or entertainment center   too  much of a wild experience for her...another time, another day for a kitty.