Thursday, August 28, 2008

what am i made of?

   Spring Thaw-Mormon Row by Nzeman


If you think you can, you can. And if you think you can't, you're right. also attributed to Mary Kay Ash -Henry Ford

still the same evening   i chose tennis to watch in lieu of football   although i did see a few minutes of the games, they weren't holdin my attention....but alas, i sit with a glass of wine pulling myself together   it has been a day of unworthiness or so i have felt   i swear the illness dug deep within and brought out all my fears, my insecurities, inhibitions and "i can't" attitudes   i rode my bicycle again tonite   i noticed my will power has diminished   i need to be mentally tough again   shattered to pieces by the illness, i need to continue to regain my strength, mentally and will power   sometimes it feels like a daily battle   i go strong for awhile, then i slip into depression   it is a roller coaster ride with the many ups & downs that the blues bring   right now i know i'm physically out of shape   today i learned i'm mentally out of shape too   the bicycling, the hiking and any exercise will bring back to me the strength i know i am   o it is there still, but it seems to me at the moment i am not what i used to be   it is time for discipline of myself   each day a new beginning, a new goal to achieve one step at a time....

You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself one.-James A. Froude

attitude is everything!

 the illness it seems, erodes me, but i must fight it   i am stronger than it is....

Streets Of Philadelphia lyrics
I was bruised and battered I couldn't tell
what I felt
I was unrecognizable to myself
I saw my reflection in a window I didn't know
my own face
Oh Brother are you gonna leave me
wastin' away
On the streets of Philadelphia

I walked the avenue 'til my legs felt like stone
I heard the voices of friends vanished and gone
At night I could hear the blood in my veins
Black and whispering as the rain
On the streets of Philadelphia

Ain't no angel gonna greet me
It's just you and I my friend
My clothes don't fit me no more
I walked a thousand miles
Just to slip this skin

The night has fallen, I'm lyin' awake
I can feel myself fading away
So receive me brother with your faithless kiss
Or will we leave each other alone like this
On the streets of Philadelphia

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ksquester said...

Some days are mentally challenging...............glad you are thinking it through.  Anne

jmorancoyle said...

    I know how you feel sometimes. It's all those insecurities, and beating yourself up from day to day. Sometimes you are too introspective. You need to come out of yourself and quit beating yourself up. Now having said that, I have no idea how. It isn't as easy as it sounds. Good luck to you, my friend. I hope you have sunnier days ahead.