Sunday, August 31, 2008

Can I See?

                          

Judge of your natural character by what you do in your dreams.-Ralph Waldo Emerson


                               Can I See? by mikona46

alas, another day   i finally made it to church on sunday after taking a few months off   summer i usually take off, but i began the summer break before it was actually here    anyways, today was Rev Patrick's last service   it was a memoriable one  i cried  others cried feeling the loss of a friend   he's been there 12yrs   i've only known the past 5yrs   an inspirational speaker with lots of love in his heart   i will miss him sorely for awhile   i embraced him after the service to give my offical good-bye   then Sue his wife   she'll be missed as well   once their house sells here, they're moving back to Connecticut where Sue is from   from this point forward he has freed himself for other public speaking   so maybe we'll get him as a guest speaker sometime in the future   anyways, i cried more than i expected   actually wasn't expecting to do so at all   but i also was basking in the love i feel there when i'm there   it is a wonderful place full of people who genuinely care   it's overwhelming at times for me   tears do flow often when i attend...anyways, i saw lots of people there i know   hadn't realized until last month i think that i knew so many people, all from just volunteering or most anyways   i do know a few from classes attended    anyways i always get a warm reception   it is good for me especially since the years of my life before this church were so challenging   what a blessing it is...i did speak momentarily with Ellen, the administrator, today   she said she's callin' me this week about the job   everyone i mention it too loves the idea of me being theNight Security Angel   and they think i'm the ideal person  so i finally asked Mary today why she thought that after she iterated too   she mentioned the love i have as well as the ties to the community   i hadn't thought of that   that place does bring out the best in me just by being there   and i hadn't thought about the community ties   again i'm just realizing all those i know   anyways i'm thinking it'll be good for me and me being a practitioner one day there    the change in being surrounded by people, and very caring people, has been a major adjustment for me   i spent so many years alone   i've been a loner for awhile for different reasons and not necessarily intending to be that way   but working at the p.o., i was alone most the day every day, then i'd come home and be alone except for my dogs   then i did things alone on my own too   it was good for me though   really helped build my inner strength   the illness also contributed to that isolation at times, still does occasionally   but now i know how to manage my time better so as not to isolate myself   i still have my alone time, but i'm not isolated   there is a difference   alone time for me is necessary for my well being   words cannot really explain, it's just me.......anyways, i also saw Jesse today for a little bit   we chatted after service for awhile before we both needed to move on in our own directions   if it wasn't for his illness, i think we'd be dating by now   i've sensed a chemistry with him and i haven't sensed that with anyone for a very long time   but we both know his time is short, however long that may be   yet i am grateful for the short time we have to just hang out and be    Sandy did tell me the other nite that i'm the one he's most comfortable with   i had asked her a few questions after the last baseball game we attended to understand where he was coming from   so it was good   i'll be his buddy or companion until he's gone   as i told Sandy, i'd just like to see him enjoy himself as much as possible while he's here   she would like the same thing   so my plate is full as usual   but this is good too   sometimes since retiring i've had too much tiime on my hands   the past few months have been a good change for me   feels like i'm finally finding that balance of alone time and being with friends  FINALLY!!!!

the above photo is from deviantArt.com   i would have loved to been the photographer behind this photo   just had to share it....

3 comments:

ksquester said...

Glad you had a good time a church.  Those old hymns make me teary eyed.  Loved the photo too.   Anne

jmorancoyle said...

    I seriously need to get out and make friends again. It seems like I've been locked in forever. I've been terrified about leaving Bill alone for too much time. You've inspired me.
Jude
http://journals.aol.com/jmorancoyle/MyWay

sunnyside46 said...

is jesse still able to be up adn about?
I need to get back to church but working 2 jobs has left me with the need to sleep in on sunday morn. I miss it
your church sounds full of love just like you
Marti