Monday, May 2, 2005


Rev Jennie taught a service on change just a couple weeks ago   Tears flowed as i recognized her change as she shared her story   i've been going thru change or the need for it the past several months   as i'm cleaning my bedroom and taking up remenants left from the carpet, i realized change is happening now and must continue   my pace is slowing for me whether i desire for it to do so or not   i have a tough time having the energy for 40hrs of work a week let alone 60hrs which i need to put in    i know it can't just be work for me all the time, i need other things and people in my life   i do have that, yet now where is the balance   one change i recognize coming into my life is having a partner in my life   that's been tooo long and not the right relationships before    i realize today a relationship is needed or i must make other changes in order to take care of me and my kids   mostly, having another there for me besides my dogs will be a major adjustment for me    me and my damn independence    maybe it's not the independence but maybe the true core is not having anyone in my life to depend except for one relationship a very looong time ago   a couple decades matter of fact   my family was not (and still isn't) dependable before i graduated high school and left   the ones i do depend on right now are my therapist and psychriatrist   other than the one relationship decades ago, i've depended on myself   i'm just waking up to this fact    interesting    anyways, it's not that i haven't wanted to depend on someone at least a little, no one's been there is all    maybe one day in the future, sooner than later...anyways, these are the thoughts i contemplate at the moment   Change is here and more to arrive soon   this is a good thing for me   now that i recognize this, i can direct some of its course   not sure of all the answers , but soon some will arrive at my doorstep    Change is good!


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