growth

so, i finally get this photo in the journal here   damn aol, couldn't get into the journal and thought i'd have to skip the photo   anyways, this was one i toook @ MADrid   i needed a little fun for the moment   it hasn't been a "fun" day   i want to curse myself for not gettin' on the trail for some hikin' today   as i was leaving to go, George called (this is the guy who's going to the Grand Canyon with me)   he wanted to go hiking this evening   i said ok, call when you get back    well he called at 5pm and cancelled   i was a little perturbed   my desire had dwindled by that time, then he not showin up just didn't motivate me   plus i kept thinking about my 5am risin' time in the morn   do i dare energize myself on a hike and stay awake late or stay home & make sure i hit the sack early?   i needed to run to the store and opted out of hiking   didn't want to be rushing everything before bedtime   that only gets me wired and tonite i can't afford to be wired   i'd be worthless at work tomorrow   i ususally don't work during the week anymore, but the boss asked for my help   i believe in giving and take, so i decided to help him out   i work with my bosses so in turn if i need time off expectedly or other wise, then it's all exchanged fairly evenly...anyways, so i stayed home.....

....then i called my son   he called saturday and we chatted for about literally one minute   he said he'd call back, but never did   he's training in California for Iraq   so anyways, i asked him if he got my message about coming home before he goes to Iraq   i told him i needed to see him before he left even if it meant coming home without his wife ...my thinking is she's seen him all year and it's been over a year since i've seen him-i told him that too....well tonite he proceeds to tell me that he aint coming home without his wife  apparently she has a medical condition..which he wood not reveal...which requires him to take her to the hospital   it flared up while he's in CA and she called an ambulance he thinks..well this told me she's just got him wrapped around her finger    so i ask, have i "lost" my son   other thoughts went thru my mind as he told his&her story   so my thoughts now is i won't be seeing him before he goes   it also occured to me that when he gets back, i'm going to have to go see him wherever he is   his tour of duty in Hawaii is up once he's back from Iraq, or so it seems at the moment   so depending on how fast he moves stateside, may depend on how fast i see him   he did mention last month i think that when he comes back mid term from Iraq, him & his wife wood be coming thru here then   i'll believe it when i see it   over the past 6months or so, i've just got the impression that his wife is really dominating   granted he allows this...but Mom (me) will remain in the pic   she has issues with me already and we haven't even met   God could have anyone warned me of this stuff   you'd think i'd know from my own experience, but i've lived differently   i know it's all good   things will work out, but this is more change for me   i still love him to death, but i don't think he's listening to me anymore   God bless him!