Tuesday, August 19, 2008

worried

there is a season, a time for everything   yet i have yet to know how to handle the loss of a friend   although i haven't lost him yet, and i really don't know him well, Jessie's latest cat scan revealed more cancer   he's the one i was going to buy the bicycle from   we spent a night at the baseball game together recently   it was a joy to get to know him a little better   i woke this morn @ 5am to an email of his latest news   i had to be @ work 6am   i was reminded again this afternoon to another email   the day was busy   non-stop for me although we had a slow period in customers   by the time 2pm came around, i was fried   it got very busy the last 30mins before the shift was over   i forgot to include the bank's numbers in closing the shift, then i forgot to clock out   not sure i'm a mornin' person anymore....anyways, it was good to come home and be reminded about Jessie   more important things to be concerned about    although in recent years i've accepted that we reincarnate, it still doesn't make it any easier when lives are loss for some stinking reason or another   war or illnesses   Life is ongoing, but we connect with friends and family that add to our own lives   sometimes i think our grief in loss is our individual selves still coming to terms with "death"   it truly is only the body that dies, for we have really never died nor ever will   the essence of who we are truly lives eternally   i'm still learning the ebb & flow of Life   the sun rises each new dawn, babies are born again, the flowers bud again in the spring time and nothing ever ends...i called Jessie and left a message   hopefully he'll call soon   ....please say your prayers that this will be painless as possible for him   at the moment he's in no pain   pray that his transition will be easy and full of love knowing his time on earth has been well spent and recognized....

in the meantime, i wanted to make an additional note on my son   as i laid me down to sleep last nite, i started laughing at myself   i realized i sounded like my mother when referring to my son   my mother has for years wanted me to return to Kentucky, tho New Mexico is my Home now   i KNOW my son must make his own life as he chooses and makes himself happy   and it is just as important for me to allow him to do so   it was soooo very important when i was his age to have my own life   in time he'll come home for a visit again   and he does call often   i just want to make sure i'm there for him if he needs me   for as long as i can be   and he drives me crazy sometimes when he is home   maybe the marriage will settle him down a bit   i just don't like the prospect of him returning to Iraq first of all   then not to see him before he leaves doesn't make it any easier   i love him dearly and i know he'll be fine, but worry comes with the territory ... 

6 comments:

ksquester said...

A pain free exit the wonderful. There is Hospice and palative care.  Anne

sunnyside46 said...

praying your friend will go in love  and peace
Marti

robinngabster said...

I just hate cancer, too many of ones I love have been taken by it.  Hoping your friend will pass peacefully.

lv2trnscrb said...

makes perfect sense about your son; I know you would really want to see him before he goes back to serve his country

that is sad about your friend; news like this is never easy to take or deal with :(

betty

midwestvintage said...

 I am sending prayers for your friend.  I hope you get to see your son before he goes out.  It will do your heart good.

                     Julie

jmorancoyle said...

    You just made a huge jump that parents don't make so easily. He'll be home when he can. He's not only making a new life for himself, but also with his life partner. I'll keep your friend in my prayers, as well as Kyle, too. I would be just as upset about him not coming home considering where he's going.
Jude
http://journals.aol.com/jmorancoyle/MyWay