Ouch!

my damn hip is killin me!   so much i want to scream bloody murder   and i'm grumpy as hell because of it   it's part of the scars left over from breakin my femur in my youth   i think i wrote about it in an earlier entry?   i fell off a cliff in the Azores, Portugal, my first duty assignment in the air force....anyways,  not sure what's causing the pain after this last doctor's visit   the visit was for my disability compensation claim   it was revealed to me that i have a piece of metal in my hip   i need to schedule a regular appointment and have it checked out    if this is causing the pain, then i want it removed   the tip would be from the metal rod they inserted into my femur the first time around that was toooo long   they left that rod in there a year and the bone didn't heal, so therefore another surgery was required-yuk....well almost 30years later, 28 to be exact, i have excruciating pain in that hip often   i woke up with it this morn and often it'll wake me in the middle of the night,,,,,anyways, my mood swing could be from my illness   i've been having them the past couple weeks   this doesn't feel l ike menopausal bitchiness this time    i realized the other night if it wasnt for my illness my life would be 'together' so to speak more so than it is now   i'm going to ask a friend with helping me manage my finances better   when i'm depressed, i go shopping and it's nothing i really need, some of it anyways   it does make me feel better tho   if russ and i get together, i'll turn it over to him and let him give me an allowance , lol   all i know is i need a better grip with this than i've been managing   i've just need to realize how much my blues have intervened on my life   no matter,   i'll survive it all   things could be worse for me and i'm grateful they're not   the other nite's insight really put me in perspective with my life   i could remember that i did have things 'together' so to speak before my illness   sometimes i can't remember crap about me before my illness, but fortunately and eventually it does surface    despite all of it, i'm still grateful for the blessings from my illness   it's frustrating as hell sometimes, but i keep lookin to the positives that has come of it......now, may each of you be blessed with the joys of life, may the sun warm your soul, the wind caress your face, the birds sing their lullabies to you and the scents of nature reach your senses....