thinkin'

well another day, another dollar and then my car pooped out on me   there was a time in my life i thought i had it all together   since my illness i feel i don't have anything 'together' but maybe that's the way life is meant to be   reading other j-landers journals and their struggles reminds me i'm not alone   sometimes i think there are some people with no problems   i suppose we all have our problems but it sure is lonely sometimes being in the midst of them   i fret, i worry, i get angry i suppose when mine arrive   but then again i'm sure others do also   i really don't like them for i had more than enough of those damn problems through childhood and strive for perfection   i dont' do so as often as i did in my younger days, but my heart still gives it a try   being older and wiser, i know all will work itself out, but at the moment my patience is being tested for sure  i am fine, and will be fine but must remind myself of that   i just want to be one happy person all the time and that's not realistic   but there will be simpler days ahead for there will come a time when problems are less or less bothering to me   this is my strife for now   i count the days for those moments arrival and see light at the end of the tunnel   for now there still is some darkness, but i will light a candle and say my prayers   'time to remember that time in september...when all was mellow'    or the song goes something like that   put a little music on and do cleaning and my home project for the day    Life is really good in spite of the troubles....